The fat unconfident EFFECTIVE man

[F A B]

Recently I flirted with this girl. We had a couple of dates, but nothing happened.

Now I find out that she got involved with an ugly fat unconfident man. I'm shocked.

Not to brag, but I think I'm far more attractive than him.

I mean, I'm happy for them, but I feel bad about myself. I'm disappointed in me. I miss something here.

[Truth]

35 minutes ago, F A B said:

but nothing happened

Well there's your problem.

did you try to kiss her on the first or second date? if you didn't then you probably fell into the friendzone. 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Truth

[Spiral]

@F A B Fat guys are hilarious, blast to hang out with.  

[Tistepiste]

4 hours ago, F A B said:

.Now I find out that she got involved with an ugly fat unconfident man. I'm shocked.

Sounds like you're jealous and very bitter to be honest. And what @Truth  said. Nothing happened, one should act more 'quick'.

Edited July 21, 2018 by Tistepiste

[aurum]

4 hours ago, F A B said:

I mean, I'm happy for them, but I feel bad about myself. I'm disappointed in me. I miss something here.

He likely did something right that you did not. What can you learn from this guy?

[F A B]

@Truth I agree. I lacked in action.

@Tistepiste Yes, I'm jealous. I cannot deny that. You are right

4 hours ago, aurum said:

He likely did something right that you did not. What can you learn from this guy?

Very good question. I think I'm too proud, so, if she isn't clearly interested in me, I fear the rejection.

Edited July 21, 2018 by F A B

[F A B]

9 hours ago, F A B said:

Not to brag, but I think I'm far more attractive than him.

This is me anyway

[billiesimon]

14 minutes ago, F A B said:

This is me anyway

Dude, relax. I've seen a lot of pretty girls with nerdy guys or fat guys.

This is good news because you just have to work on your charisma. It works, I'm practising approaching and meeting girls this year and it works. You will get dates and you will get better. It's the internal issues you have to deal with.

I'm a nerdy looking guy, young, skinny, too mental... and I get dates too... I've also had two pretty girls as gfs in the recent past. And I have very few muscles.
You have internal issues (like me and like others here) and you need to fix that. If she's aroused by your character and your charisma she does not care about your image.

 

By the way, are you italian? Lol

Edited July 21, 2018 by billiesimon

[Light Lover]

@F A B not to show off at all lol!

 

[Arkandeus]

this is why I dont like dates man

they bring me completely out of my stream

dates are a pretty logic concept but somewhere it feels completely wrong

when it comes to male and female dynamic

its like im in my stream and im doing stuff,  im following my passion, or doing something interesting, or just getting shit done

then comes this time when I'm supposed to take a time off to prepare myself to meet a woman and get to know her and talk to her the whole time?

it feels absolutely odd, Im not a talker, I'm a do'er, I dont like to sit and talk unless its extremely interesting, and things that are really interesting have nothing to do with gender, so to sit and talk with a woman because she is a woman is completely uninteresting to be honest, even if she is pretty, it was always fake and trying on my part because frankly this aint interesting, but I thought back then dates were normal

 

I wouldnt go on a date with a girl unless I already know her and we have a good connection, meaning we both like each other and we both know it, so it wouldnt be a date it would just be me being with my girlfriend

 this whole seducing and game business is so tiring and hollowing, definitely out of my stream

you invest all this time and energy for what? to be left feeling like the OP

I know that feeling, and its not even about the other guy, who cares, I've had dates that ended well and neither me and the woman were really interested in each other, left me wondering why the hell did we even meetup, just complete emptiness,thats when I toke a serious look at this dating concept, Im never meeting up with a woman unless I'm certain I'll feel absolutely good and amazing meeting her 

then again this is my personal opinion, so you do what you want to do, the circle is complete

Edited July 21, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Truth]

1 hour ago, Arkandeus said:

this is why I dont like dates man

they bring me completely out of my stream

dates are a pretty logic concept but somewhere it feels completely wrong

when it comes to male and female dynamic

its like im in my stream and im doing stuff,  im following my passion, or doing something interesting, or just getting shit done

then comes this time when I'm supposed to take a time off to prepare myself to meet a woman and get to know her and talk to her the whole time?

it feels absolutely odd, Im not a talker, I'm a do'er, I dont like to sit and talk unless its extremely interesting, and things that are really interesting have nothing to do with gender, so to sit and talk with a woman because she is a woman is completely uninteresting to be honest, even if she is pretty, it was always fake and trying on my part because frankly this aint interesting, but I thought back then dates were normal

 

I wouldnt go on a date with a girl unless I already know her and we have a good connection, meaning we both like each other and we both know it, so it wouldnt be a date it would just be me being with my girlfriend

 this whole seducing and game business is so tiring and hollowing, definitely out of my stream

you invest all this time and energy for what? to be left feeling like the OP

I know that feeling, and its not even about the other guy, who cares, I've had dates that ended well and neither me and the woman were really interested in each other, left me wondering why the hell did we even meetup, just complete emptiness,thats when I toke a serious look at this dating concept, Im never meeting up with a woman unless I'm certain I'll feel absolutely good and amazing meeting her 

then again this is my personal opinion, so you do what you want to do, the circle is complete

It sounds like you really don't actually know what you want with your relationships. Because when you know exactly what you want EVERYTHING you do no matter how much time you waste becomes a learning/growth experience.

Edited July 21, 2018 by Truth

[Arkandeus]

7 minutes ago, Truth said:

It sounds like you really don't actually know what you want with your relationships. Because when you know exactly what you want EVERYTHING you do no matter how much time you waste becomes a learning/growth experience.

oh I know exactly what I want, its quite simple, feeling good

Im very much aware that anything can be a learning experience

but im done learning, growing towards something

I'll feel genuinely good now and if that comes with growth and learning or involves it so be it,otherwise dare I say I do not care about growth and learning, I am here now

 

[ajasatya]

@F A B it doesn't matter if you're rich, beautiful or super intelligent. spiritual poverty will erode you from inside if you can't see through the illusory nature of your self image.

[Truth]

1 hour ago, Arkandeus said:

oh I know exactly what I want, its quite simple, feeling good

Im very much aware that anything can be a learning experience

but im done learning, growing towards something

I'll feel genuinely good now and if that comes with growth and learning or involves it so be it,otherwise dare I say I do not care about growth and learning, I am here now

 

Of course. Success does not equal happiness. I'm talking about thriving, not just feeling good or just being happy. 

When I say growth and learning I'm not talking about the success/chasing trap. I'm talking about the hero's journey, life long learning and enjoying the process instead of the destination and not suffering over anything at all. 

It sounds like you're having trouble connecting with a girl and instead of working on it you created this excuse/rationalization/limiting belief that say's "fuck it, why even try, I'm a doer, not a talker." and what is that gonna do but just perpetuate the situation and make it harder for you to connect with people. The whole point of you talking to anyone in the first place is to build that deep rapport connection (extremely interesting conversation that you and they could possibly grow from and learn from), but you have to go through light/wide rapport to get there. You don't even realize you could be dismissing some awesome girls just because you don't really know how to get deep with them.

It's only "out of your stream" because you don't want to grow and learn from it and instead just want to be like "eh fuck it. I'm just gonna stick to what I know/ am good at." which is fine and I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying give these things a second thought before you just dismiss them.  it's a lot easier/comfortable to stay in flow rather than stepping out of it back into the students shoes in order to grow yourself and learn something new. 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Truth

[Emerald]

The thing is that (generally speaking) women are attracted to men based on their unique essence and how they make them feel.

So, they aren't really attracted to particular qualities like men are with women. At the end of the day, they aren't attracted to looks, money, confidence, skills, etc. They are attracted to a man as more than the sum of his parts, the essence of which creates a unique vibe that pushes her buttons inexplicably. And no one else can have that effect because they just aren't that person. 

So, at the end of the day, there's not really anything you could have done. Certainly, you can increase your chances and overall desirability in general. But with any given woman and her affections, it might amount to nothing at all. A man can be good looking, confident, have social status, wealth, and be on a path toward self-actualization; and there's still no guarantee that he will push those buttons with a particular woman.

Meanwhile a guy who's less good looking, less confident, lower in social status, has less wealth, and who isn't really interested in self-actualization could press those buttons with that same woman, even if she recognizes that his objective qualities aren't "top-notch." She's not objective with her attraction. She just feels good when she thinks about him and feels good when she's around him. The chemistry is just there.

So, it isn't that you didn't do something right or that you didn't act fast enough. It's just that the chemistry wasn't there for her. But when the chemistry is genuinely there for another woman, you can bet that she likes you just because you're you.

[Truth]

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So, it isn't that you didn't do something right or that you didn't act fast enough. It's just that the chemistry wasn't there for her.

And a big part of that chemistry is called seduction  

[RichardY]

"I don't avoid women Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence".

[Emerald]

Just now, Truth said:

And a big part of that chemistry is called seduction  

You can increase your chances and general desirability by doing so. And you can give her a better time if you know what she's interested in romantically and sexually.

But that's not really the force that's at work. It's a very particularized projection that she super-imposes onto that man based on his general vibe and way of being. So, if the attraction is organic, she will become attracted before seduction even becomes a factor. And it's based upon his particularity as a person. 

At least this is always how I've gotten attractions to men. At first, he's just a guy and he's neutral. Then, I think about him and I feel good while I'm thinking about him. Then, I think about him more, and it feels even better. And this eventually builds to a full-blown infatuation. 

And it never consciously has anything to do with one particular trait that he has or some zone of excellence that he has. It's always just the impact of his essence on me. The way he looks, the way he walks, the way he talks, all of his flaws become magnetic to me. And not because they match some high standard of attractiveness. They are magnetic to me because he is the person who he is. 

[Arkandeus]

9 minutes ago, Truth said:

Of course. Success does not equal happiness. I'm talking about thriving, not just feeling good or just being happy. 

When I say growth and learning I'm not talking about the success/chasing trap. I'm talking about the hero's journey, life long learning and enjoying the process instead of the destination and not suffering over anything at all. 

It sounds like you're having trouble connecting with a girl and instead of working on it you created this excuse/rationalization/limiting belief that say's "fuck it, why even try, I'm a doer, not a talker." and what is that gonna do but just perpetuate the situation and make it harder for you to connect with people. The whole point of you talking to anyone in the first place is to build that deep rapport connection (extremely interesting conversation that you and they could possibly grow from and learn from), but you have to go through light/wide rapport to get there. You don't even realize you could be dismissing some awesome girls just because you don't really know how to get deep with them.

It's only "out of your stream" because you don't want to grow and learn from it and instead just want to be like "eh fuck it. I'm just gonna stick to what I know/ am good at." which is fine and I'm not blame you, I'm just saying give these things a second thought before you just dismiss them.  it's a lot easier/comfortable to stay in flow rather than stepping out of it back into the students shoes in order to grow yourself and learn something new. 

Indeed I understand your perspective, a very interesting one

I do not believe in scarcity, only in abundance, I could not miss anything that would bring me great joy, if there's an awesome girl for me out there, we will meet somehow

If I will talk to someone, any gender, it will be because I feel good, not because I might miss something, scarcity will never motivate me

Quote

it's a lot easier/comfortable to stay in flow rather than stepping out of it back into the students shoes in order to grow yourself and learn something new

this to me my friend is the essence of my personal enlightenment, when I finally decided to stop putting on my student shoes, putting down my training belt, I started surfing the waves of the universe

Why would I not want things to be easy and comfortable? Isn't that the whole point, one cannot live happily if he does not chose to live a happy life

what you just said can pretty much sum up the entirety of my consciousness work, the decision for life to be easy, really easy

 

[Truth]

10 minutes ago, Emerald said:

At first, he's just a guy and he's neutral. Then, I think about him and I feel good while I'm thinking about him.

--> Attraction/Curiosity

10 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Then, I think about him more, and it feels even better

--> Attraction/Curiosity + Rapport

10 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And this eventually builds to a full-blown infatuation. 

--> Attraction/Curiosity + Rapport + Seduction

Like I said. It's just a part. It's not the "one particular trait" that he has.

and I referred to it as the "big" part because personally I feel without seduction you can't really create the passion, which is what I'm ultimately for. 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Truth