Connecting with people at all levels.

[fireworld]

I believe that I am mostly stage yellow in my thinking but I have a quite confrontational style with others in life.

As I have listened more to the Yellow idea of non judgement I have become a lot more accepting of the other levels even though i have been aware of them for years. I have always felt like telling people of the higher levels that they could evolve into, I have had extremely religious friends who have made horrible mistakes due to their faith and i tried to get them out of it.

The same is true about friends who just work for money to be happy or friends who are green and make damaging decisions in their life.

I was wondering how you deal with the different levels. 

Should we try to "motivate" and "debate" them to inspire them to ask questions or rise higher, or should we just ignore them and let them be?

What are your thoughts about this?

[Zweistein]

I have found that a good way to motivate people is to be a good role model.

I noticed that when I start giving advice, people tend to feel criticized (even if it's just subtle, but still) - they probably think that I'm not able to see things from their perspective. One sentence that has stuck with me for a while now: "People tend to give you advice based on their opinion, rarely someone is able to see things from your perspective." This knowledge also helps me, when I get advice I didn't ask for ;-)

So, I rather avoid giving advice nowadays and instead I try to talk about what I have realized and if I'm lucky, I can inspire someone.

[Zweistein]

P.S. Whenever I find myself judging someone, I can realize that I'm actually projecting something that I probably haven't worked through enough yet....

[egoeimai]

5 minutes ago, Zweistein said:

P.S. Whenever I find myself judging someone, I can realize that I'm actually projecting something that I probably haven't worked through enough yet....

Yaaaas! True.

[fireworld]

1 hour ago, Zweistein said:

P.S. Whenever I find myself judging someone, I can realize that I'm actually projecting something that I probably haven't worked through enough yet....

I can see that, but when you get in to debates and the person is going to make a bad decision that may harm them, how do you reason with them?

Let's say that it's a family member who is marrying because of religion or staying in disfunctional relationship because of it?

Or let's say that it's a female friend who is letting her boyfriend cheat and even though she suffers extremely because of it but believes that putting up boundaries is inappropriate and so on. She's motivated by green ideals.

I would usually just be aggressive and start saying things that they didn't want to hear but believe that I may not be able to reach them.

I respond to an aggressive approach myself and have realized my mistake in approaching people in "my" way.

 

[dorg]

19 minutes ago, fireworld said:

but when you get in to debates and the person is going to make a bad decision that may harm them, how do you reason with them?

You cannot reason with them. You just make an observation and leave it at that. In due course, as they 'grow,' they will probably recall your statement and see the sense in it.

[fireworld]

2 hours ago, dorg said:

You cannot reason with them. You just make an observation and leave it at that. In due course, as they 'grow,' they will probably recall your statement and see the sense in it.

The damage is usually done by that time.

Or it's an ongoing process that damages them continually until they break or irreversibly damage themselves.

[dorg]

9 minutes ago, fireworld said:

The damage is usually done by that time.

Or it's an ongoing process that damages them continually until they break or irreversibly damage themselves.

It is only the level you are at that is seeing 'damage'. If someone does not learn, the stakes are raised until they eventually do learn. But after learning you do not see any damage, and if you do you are grateful that it happened; it was required to get you to learn.

[Solace]

How to connect with people (and yourself): the secret to all spirituality

Step one: Bring your awareness down to your heart.

Step 2: And Just stay there, now and forever.

When you connect with your heart you literally connect with all of life simultaneously. It’s magical to experience.

I was just watching this video today which explained how people connect through their hearts ♥️ That’s why love is the most spoken word in existence.

[Zweistein]

9 hours ago, fireworld said:

I can see that, but when you get in to debates and the person is going to make a bad decision that may harm them, how do you reason with them?

 

I started to understand that everyone is "where they (and I!!!) are supposed to be right now". In a way I'm arguing with myself when I continue to argue. Can you see that? All I can do is take the arguments and reflect inwards and find out what is it that I haven't resolved for myself?

And heck - yes, I still have lots of work to do! ?

 

 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Zweistein

[fireworld]

@dorg I understand how you see it from that perspective, but there are some things in life that are so painful that you can never get back to "normal". 

When you have sitauations that involve drugs, or bad people that may end damaging you extremely bad. Some people never ever recover from situations like these. 

If we do rise to a higher level of understanding, shouldn't there be a way that we can guide or lead or invite our fellow humans to a place that is better for them?

[fireworld]

2 hours ago, Zweistein said:

I started to understand that everyone is "where they (and I!!!) are supposed to be right now". In a way I'm arguing with myself when I continue to argue. Can you see that? All I can do is take the arguments and reflect inwards and find out what is it that I haven't resolved for myself?

And heck - yes, I still have lots of work to do! ?

 

 

Maybe so, maybe so, projection is a real thing, but even if you keep all your concentration on them and how they are experiencing the situation they are still going to harm themselves.

I am not arguing with myself or have an unresolved conflict if a female friend of mine is dating an abusive maniac and she has an extremely low level of self esteem. I don't even care on the highest level whether the person is in my life, but at the same time she isn't going to recover from this i think, it's a shame to let things like this happen when there are other paths to walk.

[Zweistein]

26 minutes ago, fireworld said:

Maybe so, maybe so, projection is a real thing, but even if you keep all your concentration on them and how they are experiencing the situation they are still going to harm themselves.

I am not arguing with myself or have an unresolved conflict if a female friend of mine is dating an abusive maniac and she has an extremely low level of self esteem. I don't even care on the highest level whether the person is in my life, but at the same time she isn't going to recover from this i think, it's a shame to let things like this happen when there are other paths to walk.

Will you recover from this? ?

[aurum]

15 hours ago, fireworld said:

I was wondering how you deal with the different levels. 

Should we try to "motivate" and "debate" them to inspire them to ask questions or rise higher, or should we just ignore them and let them be?

First off, I do my best to be very careful about who I label as lower level. That's an easy trap to not notice your own flaws. Plus, people tend not to like it when you go around telling them they're unevolved. Not really productive.

Debating too is usually a waste of time because debates aren't about logic. They're about emotions.

The best way I've seen to motivate people is to lead by example. BE who you think others should be. That's way more attractive than just running around and saying "you should be like this".

Another thing that works really well is what the self-help legend Steve Covey calls "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". You want people at a lower level of consciousness to understand your point of view, but have you ever specifically sought out to understand theirs?

Here's what is amazing about this principle. When you actually have a real dialogue with someone and get to understand why they do what they do, it's almost always far better than what we imagine in our minds. People aren't crazy and they're not evil, not when you really develop empathy and can step into their shoes.

[Zweistein]

1 hour ago, Zweistein said:

Will you recover from this? ?

See, this comment was made without much inner reflection and not very empathetic, was it?

@aurum Thank you ;-)