How to deal with a partner/spouse who has no interest in self actualisation

[crushangel]

Hi Leo and everyone

I'm just wondering what is the best way to manage being in a relationship or a marriage with someone when you want to improve yourself and they have no interest in changing?

 

 

[RabbitHole]

Might not be the answer you're looking for, but I had this question to myself and I answered It. First get to know yourself, get rid of all bullshit in your life, then build your career, build the life you are dreaming about (atleast work towards It) and then - when you feel great about yourself, when you have stable mindset, clear vision and main goals achieved, then you are ready for relationship. Otherwise It's just messing around and pretty much waste of time. 

I believe to have great relationship first you must be in perfect relationship with yourself, let's be honest and answer how many of "relationships" out there are really based true unconditional love, support, passion with no ego bullshit and your negative characteristic projection on partner? 

Sure, you can have relationship anytime, but I choose real or nothing.. I see true relationship this way: you become the person you wan't to become, build the life you wan't to live, find person who has done the same are close to that and then you merge your beautiful lives together.

I would say your partner has to be on similar frequency and be willing to learn and grow, while helping you to do the same.  If you have question like this I'd say learn more about yourself so you wouldn't have to ask It.

[BjarkeT]

Probably best to accept them as they are. I don't think its a good idea to force people to be different than who they already are. But you could introduce them to self help and let them decide for them self. 

i think in the book the road less traveld scott m peck says that love is not wanting someone else to be an exact copy of your self but to learn to love the difference in them. 

 

Edited July 20, 2018 by BjarkeT

[SpyAquamarine]

Accept and appreciate or leave 

Relationships are invaluable to make us understand who we are - aren’t, what we want - don’t want and where we are 

Every partner will give you exactly what you need until you don’t need it anymore 

Are you familiar with Byron Katie and The Work? Best tool to understand all kinds of relationships in my opinion 

[Charlotte]

The journey is unique to yourself and nobody else, you cannot share it. Accept them as they are and as you grow you may be called to leave the relationship. 

[egoeimai]

Some great answers. Grats guys! 

[Viking]

theyre growing in their own way, otherwise they would be depressed/suffer. if you notice that your partner suffers help them, if theyre ok, it means theyre going their own path.

[Paulus Amadeus]

@Viking, wait till you're on the actual retreat, see how you feel then ;). 

[Viking]

Just now, Paulus Amadeus said:

@Viking, wait till you're on the actual retreat, see how you feel then ;). 

wtf, am i tripping? you replied to my post from another topic. lmao

[Lynnel]

@crushangel  You seem pretty new arround here so don't bother about that. You have pleeenty of work to do on yourself first.

[Tetcher]

Well you just do your thing and if you're doing the right thing you will grow in a way that it can't be ignored by the other party to a point that they will either follow you or fall away.

Edited July 21, 2018 by Tetcher

[crushangel]

Thank you for the wonderful responses. I am able to accept that my husband and I are extremely different most of the time. The only exception to this is when his behaviour is toxic. I need to learn how to respond better to this.

Thanks again.

[Harikrishnan]

When u change surroundings will also change. First change onself. 

[Violina]

It's not easy path. For me. Hopefully I will overcome obstacles. 

[Samra]

Accept and don't judge. I'm into psychedelics, self actualizing, spirituality,... and my partner isn't. He only likes Sadhguru sometimes. He refuses to watch any of Leo's, Alan Watts, Spira, ... videos, and doesn't respond if I talk about them. I was bothered for a long time, but now I have learned to leave it and let go. Everyone have their own paths, even lovers and partners. 

[Viking]

@crushangel haha i know i answered already, but i have a different perspective.

ideally you want to have a partner who shares similar life goals with you. how you put self actualization into the category of "life goals" depends on you.

the video applies to women also.