Can someone explain what happened to me?

[SoonHei]

This happened roughly in March 2017 - I was 27.

My friends and I had been smoking weed here/there. It was quite new to us and we were all in the later stages of our lives and felt quite youthful having finally tried weed. Never tried it in school and stayed away from all that jazz back in those days.

We found this "King Kush" incense - some product at a convenience store. We thought it's synthetic weed and that's what it might have been. The first time we tried it, it was crazy! Mostly because of how quickly the high came on and how strong it was in just one or two puffs from a pipe. Usually wore off within 25-40 mins.

So one night, right before I entered my house after coming back from a night out with friends. I decided to take a quick puff of this stuff before I came in. It was quite late at night and my goal was to take a puff and run up straight to my room (knowing the high would be kicking in as I am running up to my room - I live with my parents) So that's what I did, quick puff and then I ran up.

BTW, I should note this is a very "mild" substance, weed like effects but felt stronger, quicker and a bit psychotic tbh.

anyways, the high kicked in midway as I am going up to my room and I just push myself forward and make it to the safety of my room. 

After about 10-20 seconds I entered in, something changed, almost instantly...

My visual field was all the same, I have dim lights in my room for night but thinking back it seems maybe the light became more pronounced - anyhow. What changed was all of what I saw did not make any sense. I had take off my shirt as I usually sleep shirtless - and I was standing infront of my mirror, I noticed how/what the fuck is on my chest ( looking at my nipples ) then I saw my face, eyes, nose... i looked at each of these facets which we have and almost had to remind myself that this is what we call nose, mouth, nipples, hands, arms - i looked around my room, saw my bed, pillow, drawer, lamp and had to make a consiouses reminder thought that this is what it is called or this is what it means...

the whole thing was very disorienting and freighting... i recall asking myself that well maybe this is the effect of the drug... but it had a strong sense of sanity about it.

 

i was asking myself that how can I un-see or forget this perspective... even after my high comes down, this understanding/sight will be there. it was like, how do i return back to "normal" again. i don't remember if i contemplated too much about other aspects of life like my job, friends, education etc... but i saw us humans as "creatures" - not human... as in, i saw us for what we are... we feel very superior or advanced due to our intellect, and we are so! but in that state, i saw myself and all of humans as "creatures" or just mammals - that's the word which came to me at the time.

 

thinking back, after learning about spirituality and all this - i wonder if this was a brief episode of dark night of the soul / meaninglessness - i saw the contents of my visual field and mind as what IT IS. not the "meaning" we give to it... 

as i write this, i don't think this was a glimpse or awakening as i thought of myself as a 'me' or 'ego' saying that I am a mammal/creature.. not a human.. the thought about having genitals especially was like wtf is this... we have this thing between our legs and we find a female and 'mate' it was all very biological view of life as other animals are... 

 

anyways, i told myself - used my religion as the grounding. i am a Muslim. i recited some verses from the Quran and thought about God and told myself it will be normal when i wake up. and i forced myself to sleep.

i cant say i want to be in that state again but i also cant help but think if i missed a great chance at awakening - using the stuff i know now about surrendering or self-inquiry.. if done in that state may have given me deeper realizations and rather than to see my body and then give it meaning etc. i could have just see what IS and maybe see the beauty of it's isness...

 

but yes. any input of what exactly that was. it was unlike what you would call a normal high from weed or even that stuff which i had tried b4 with different consistent effects - this was a one off scenario and looking back, may have somehow made the universe connect me to this path i am on today...

[Highest]

Welcome to reality, it is surreal  We are indeed creatures. There is no essential difference between you and a lion, dog, cat, or cow. 

[SoonHei]

@Highest indeed! that was the realization... 

 

things like, oh, we gotta drink water when thirsty and just how my life revovled around family/friends - i thought from their point of view, it was all so werid

 

so is that the Glimpse of awakening? my visual field, it was all same but all so different and what was different was my perspective about everything during that time.

or

was this just before the Glimpse, the dark night of the soul state?

 

just wanna know what i stumbled upon - but whatever it was, it was a very significant and unique experience 

[cetus]

@SoonHei That was interesting. I think I know what your talking about. I had a similar experiance years ago but yea it's something you don't forget. Reality becomes mostly meaningless, depressing and empty like a child's coloring book without crayons. Sound familiar in a way? It took me some time to see the truth in that experiance.

[SoonHei]

5 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

empty like a child's coloring book without crayons.

yes. this exactly captures that state of

 

1 hour ago, SoonHei said:

I have dim lights in my room for night but thinking back it seems maybe the light became more pronounced

this is what i was trying to say here

 

so @cetus56  what exactly was that? was that a sudden shift? but not all the way? or just a brief depression episode which was cured when the woke up the next morning... but i retained all the thoughts about it and my experience... i was able to continue on 'normally' as i did before the experience but it did shake me to the core... kept ranting about us being mammals to my family members for a month+ afterwards... not in a gaga sense but like the true knowing sense of it... 

8 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

It took me some time to see the truth in that experiance.

it didn't go away for you for a long time?? is that what you mean? and then you had your awakening as you investigated that state? 

[cetus]

@SoonHei No it went away by the next morning. I just wondered why I experienced what I did for a long time afterwards.

Lets explore this. Nothing in your room really changed, right? I mean not physically changed. So what did change? What was different?

[Highest]

@SoonHei I don't think it was far away from awakening, it was sort of a realization. Illusions can be penetrated when high, things are seen differently, not the same. It can quickly trigger awakening if you smoke a lot of good weed and do intense meditation at the same time.

[SoonHei]

@Highest hmmmm

 

interesting... i always feel that high and meditation requires more effort... maybe the weed aint good nuff lol

 

@cetus56 just how i viewed things/prespective change

i recall someone saying that enlightmenet/awkening state is viewing the world without lables... like what we call a flower isnt a flower, and a chair isnt a chair.. its just labels of forms/appearances we have given. it was like that in a way... looking at objects in my room and wondering wth is all this and why we call it the things we do.. 

and also deep meaninglessness and hopelessness - like why is all this here..

and also the whole mammal/creature feeling away from this inteligence we think we are

 

just thinking now as i wrote this. that what our body/form is.. is just plain/dumb form... a creature indeed. i couldnt put my "intelligent self" together in the body when i saw what the body really is.. like an animal... so i guess that's the huge difference.. i saw/felt the divine knowing/intelligence which i am and knew it cannot be this 'dumb'/plain body which i thought i was...

[cetus]

@SoonHei It is good that you contemplated this. You can perhaps appreciate now just how much the ego identification colorizes reality. The ego for instance may see a cat. If the ego loves cats than it colorizes it by adding things like a cute, cuddly, fuzzy kitty. In true reality it's just an animal with fur. Even that definition is labeling it. But i think you see what i mean. The cute, fuzzy, kitty is just illusory additions that the ego imposes over it. What you may have had was a taste of experiencing reality in an egoless state. The meaningless, hopeless feeling that it left you with was again the ego's way of coming to terms with true reality face on and it didn't like it. But it all goes with the territory of awakening to true reality. Time to drop the rose colored glasses that the ego experiences the world through along with the ego. The good news here is the ego's point of view has been an illusion all along.

[SoonHei]

@cetus56 wow. thank you very much for that.

 

23 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

The cute, fuzzy, kitty is just illusory additions that the ego imposes over it.

this makes sense. and that's totally the case!

 

26 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

What you may have had was a taste of experiencing reality in an egoless state.

hmmmm. likely the case... not 100% maybe because i still was 'me' but with all that new . . it was surreal.

 

27 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

The good news here is the ego's point of view has been an illusion all along.

amen to that

[cetus]

46 minutes ago, SoonHei said:

hmmmm. likely the case... not 100% maybe because i still was 'me' but with all that new . . it was surreal.

@SoonHei Any experiance is always going to have some "you" factor to it. To completely transcend the self takes practice, and great mastery. That's the reason most ppl turn to other options. Just my opinion but try to stay away from smoking that convenience store "incense". You never know what's in that kind of stuff. It could be laced with embalming fluid for all you know.

[SoonHei]

@cetus56 hmmm yeah. havent used that stuff since that episode lol

 

after that episode.. searched online for what happeneed... couldnt really find something to relate to.. or how to explain it..

 

one thing led to the other. found spirtuality meditation etc along the way somewhere and then Leo's stuff on youtube came up from somewhere and then here we are today

[cetus]

11 minutes ago, SoonHei said:

@cetus56 hmmm yeah. havent used that stuff since that episode lol

 

after that episode.. searched online for what happeneed... couldnt really find something to relate to.. or how to explain it..

 

one thing led to the other. found spirtuality meditation etc along the way somewhere and then Leo's stuff on youtube came up from somewhere and then here we are today

@SoonHei Same here but took more time for me. We came to the right place to "be".

[wavydude]

7 hours ago, SoonHei said:

We found this "King Kush" incense - some product at a convenience store. We thought it's synthetic weed and that's what it might have been. The first time we tried it, it was crazy! Mostly because of how quickly the high came on and how strong it was in just one or two puffs from a pipe. Usually wore off within 25-40 mins.

Based on that I can say that it was synthetic weed. Don't smoke that stuff it has many negative effect and can really fuck you up. If you want to smoke weed make sure it's legit.

[SoonHei]

@wavydude you've had an experience on that?

 

another bigger episode was something i had equal to what you may see on youtube for k2/flakka - what i took was far less than that, but i was completely blackedout and just recall waking up

 

my friends told me that for 20 mins straight i was screaming at the top of my voice and kicking violently

also singing some "song" in a differerent "language" which was strange AF

 

they were all semi-litt too. so no video was had, but when i woke, i did see the destrcction around the room i had done