Mind Attacks After Initial Seeing

[Ayla]

This is intended as a guide and a sharing of experiences after the initial "seeing". 

A little bit of an explanation: 

After initial seeing of the reality of no self, mind will begin to come back with a vengeance for a while, probing into the most intimate corners of your being, as if to ask if you are sure that you want to pursue this.

First attack is usually: 

"what you saw was either not real or you didn't see it at all or you've imagined it" etc. This is where people usually get lost. For some, they go back to believing their minds. They lost touch with their inner intelligence because they are so caught up in fears and lack of self trust. They stop seeing the help that is being given to them in order to transcend, lose insights and intuition, only to come back to them weeks or months or years later - usually due to life frustrations that keeps pushing them to continue. 

Solution: deepen your seeing. Keep inquiring who is the one that doesn't believe, Keep going back into "observer mode". Don't believe anything you mind is telling you. IT IS NOT REAL! 

Once you have deepened your seeing, You will receive some kind of help through synchronicity, new openings, new forms of seeing the reality and understanding it.

Second series of attacks involve your deepest programming and insecurities. Situations will present themselves to trigger what you cling to as a person. It will seem VERY real and frightening. This is where a guide is very important. Someone that can keep you steady and focused so that you don't give up. Different dynamics in the job area, family area, interpersonal relationships are beginning to manifest and everyone around you will try to pull you back into who they need you to be. 

I call such attacks HELL. They have a feeling about them that is so definitive, like a surgeon that cuts off parts of yourself. BTW, they will only cut parts of who you are not, of your own illusory construction. 

How to deal with such attacks. Usually during the first attacks of this type, you completely "lose it". You lose the seeing, the observer, the guide, the God and everything seems to go into a full panic mode. Body reacts in a myriad of ways - pains, aches, shaking, vomiting, trouble breathing, sharp knives, cold, hot, etc. Mind is going completely bonkers. If you can get in touch with the one that sees that and just let it happen, if you stop pushing it away, if you can fully feel the body's reactions, it will pass. 

Use any or all of these "affirmations" :

• this has come and it will go
• this is only tearing apart things which I am not
• I am seeing all of this, it is not me
• I cannot be killed
• let go

It is also very possible that you also lose the confidence and the trust in your guide at this time, because of the association of mind: "it is because of this person that I am into this mess". You need to prepare for this one in advance. Build trust and look into this, BEFORE. A good guru or guide will warn you about this and put in place techniques to reach out to him in those moments. I have a list of videos and one or two people to help me when/if this still arises. The help consists in the reassurance that all that's needed is to stay as the Self and watch all this. 

There's also a strong pull to just go back to sleep during this phase, as you see your self-made construction dissolve. It can manifest as suicidal thoughts, refusal to continue the looking, negating the guide, going back into certain pattern of behavior, throwing away all the books, deleting the videos, etc etc. Those, are also thoughts and you need to look at them as such. Keep going in. 

As an ending to this initial post, I want to say that if you read this and you know what I'm talking about, hopefully it will help you stay on the right track and reassure you. 

Every Enlightened Master has passed through this narrow space in order to transcend. For each of us, the experience seems different but it has the same roots and flavors. Keep in mind that TRUTH NEVER ATTACKS YOU, and if it does, it only attacks parts of who you are not! 

 

[bobbyward]

had an initial seeing 3 months ago. i have made alot of progress the last month, i have been looking at and contemplating my experience intensely. lately it seems like thought, labels, language are just pointless, they dont point to anything in reality and have no real meaning. i have had some slight fear, anxiety, depression when i have seen clearly there is nobody here, nothing that intense. 

 

 

[abrakamowse]

Thanks @Ayla really helpful advice!

I think I am now getting ready for something, because I am getting tons of information and nothing seems to be changing but I feel there's insights about very old stuff I heard is beginning to make sense now. And I am feeling like they were there all the time, like everything I am receiving now it was always there, I am just noticing it.

 

[Azrael]

Thanks, that gives me a lot of perspective. I thought it would be that way but I was shocked how hellish it can be. Thanks a lot, @Ayla.

[ArabiaNytes]

@Ayla  it's pretty amazing how I came to find your thread in a link of another thread through the randomness of happening on the initial third thread. I have been struggling with being confused of this paradox and your post addresses the issue in a reassuring and concise manner. Thank you for having posted this. I can breathe a little easier now. ?

[Ayla]

Medicine from a dear friend:

Come out of the mind and into the senses: look for the acceptance of what it is that you are FEELING within your body. If acceptance cannot be found, embrace the resistance itself. (Resistance is acceptance in slow motion.)

Engage with the sensations, because even though they may seem like threatening your life because of how uncomfortable they feel, in fact nothing is happening that is not trying to PROTECT you in some way.  

Gently ask the sensations: what is it that you are trying to show me or protect me from? ( sometimes an image or brief words may appear, other times, nothing comes, other times mind intervenes with yet another story - embrace). Tell the sensations that it is OK and that their efforts are greatly appreciated! Tell mind: "thank you for trying to control and protect... but your role will change to a new exciting one now" and then disengage from it. 

Bring body feelings to the forefront and treat them as you would a teddy-bear. Gently, softly, playfully. 

Some kind of a "release sign" will come up at one point - a huge sigh, a yawn, a burp...

This too....shall pass! 

[abrakamowse]

This post is good to refresh our memory, I am having one of "those days". Reading it helped me to clear the mind, sometimes I get tired of being identified with thoughts, I want enlightenment now!!!

Lol

[Amir]

I don't fully understand, what do you mean by seeing, seeing who you really are?

 

And if so, how would you do this?

 

Also, is this proces slow, or does it come all at once?

[All_Around_Me]

@Ayla 
Thank you a lot! This guide really helped me. I guess I had that initial `seeing` almost a weel ago and yes, for the first three days I thought that nothing happened, even though I had certain bodily sensations. I realized that something actually changed on a third day and had a huge panic. I feel much relieved now.

[bobbyward]

@All_Around_Me what exactly is this seeing you had? describe it !!!

[All_Around_Me]

@bobbyward
I wrote about it there:

At first I didn`t know what is going on and panicked.

[Friend]

@Ayla Just in reading the OP I had a burst of anxiety due to relation. I couldn't stop smiling though.

[Baz]

So helpful to read, very refreshing thank you.

[Ayla]

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

- Rumi

[Ayla]

How to Feel your Emotions - a rough guide (which I will most probably refine further):

I'll start by a bit of a dissection of what an emotion is: 

If you look at it closely, there are 3 components: 

1. A physical sensation
2. A link/pattern
3. A thought

When an emotion - usually perceived as negative - appears, this is what is meant by "sitting with it" (in my current view anyway) 

Acknowledge the bodily sensation that occurs: tingling, hotness, itchiness, hardness, bloating, burning, shaking etc. You might want to find a name for the sensation BUT naming the sensation ONLY serves to isolate it so that it is not missed/blocked. If you cannot find a name for it, that's OK, don't go into mind mode to search for words.

Here comes the second part - the link or pattern that you have adopted. The association between this physical component and the THOUGHT that is coming right after. This link is mostly unconscious and here is where awareness needs to be applied. This link is deeply personal and induced by your own experiences in life.

So broken down it looks like: (e.g.)

"tingling in legs (physical sensation) >>> THIS MEANS THAT (unconscious link/pattern/association)>>>>I feel fear (thought)" 

If you pull them apart from each other, there's no logical way to assume that a tingling in legs means fear... (void in heart area means sadness, tension in head means anger...etc)

So first part of the sitting with the emotion is acknowledging/isolating the PHYSICAL Sensation: 

• what is it that I physically feel?
• which areas of body? 
• which one is most prevalent/intense?

BECOME AWARE that there is a LINK >>> an unconscious association of the particular physical sensation with a thought. Mindfulness and presence is essential here. 

The thought that follows is complete illusion and needs no attention to it at all. Just leave it aside for now. ( I'm scared, hurt, sad, mad, angry.....) 

Once you are in this phase, the real work begins. 

Put all of your attention on the physical sensation. Yes, thought will try to come back over and over. Once you acknowledge the LINK, you can drop the thought. Gently be aware of the fact that the feeling does not mean anything, it is just a feeling in body.

Focusing on feeling body resembles that of enjoyment of a piece of quality chocolate (or whatever else you enjoy deeply). There is no pain in a tingling, or hot, or cold... what hurts is the ASSOCIATION with the thought that you perceive negative. I'm not going to lie though, it does not feel comfortable at all but the only reason for that is because it is a physical sensation that you have avoided all your life (because it has been associated with negative thoughts).

Keep your mind occupied with gently discarding the thoughts - I personally use a gentle "shhhh" to help me keep thought away.

The understanding/knowing that the trouble is the LINK between physical sensations and thoughts will come gradually with experience, and will become the KEY to this process. Keep feeling the sensation. No judgement. No interpretation. Just the physicality of it. Anything that comes mentally has no relevance whatsoever.

During this, some images can come up, some memories, usually very short and powerful, like a flash. Do not bother about them, they will remain there. Where even "experienced feelers" go "wrong" with this is that they start building on the story that comes up and lose the focus on feeling the body. That's why most of the times, same thing has to be worked with over and over again, until sensation is fully felt and released. 

The images or memories that come up can be "worked with" after the feeling process. Just bring back the image that came up - this is also a way to recognize it as something else than mind chatter: it is short and powerful and remains there even after process of feeling is done. It will have some form of a revelation about the implications in your life of what it is you just felt. It will usually reveal the pattern. That is not essential though. No need to do that or build a story. What is ESSENTIAL is the feeling.

Last point I want to make for now, is a bit of an explanation as to why...: 

When something happens that we perceive uncomfortable, we usually tend to block it. Example: 

Your mom calls you stupid. You cannot contradict mom - she's your lifeline. But her tone, energy, words, look, makes your body react a certain way. You block that from your conscious response, but energetically, it remains there until you expose it. It is a bit similar to a dog that gets scared: it will shake like crazy until he feels safe again. When was the last time when you let yourself shake in front of your boss telling you off?  

Hope this makes sense and helps some people........ 

 

 

[Ayla]

Dealing with physical pain and or disability. 

Not long ago, I had to suddenly deal with some physical disability that was so overwhelming that it had to become a priority. 

Here is what came out of this experience, sharing it here in hope that it would help someone. 

*go to the doctor if so inspired.

********************************************************************************

There are two aspects: 

1. Pain is bad. This where brain switches as soon as it feels something that is even remotely uncomfortable and or out of comfort zone. Have you ever thought that pain is the way body is healing itself? What if pain wasn't BAD, but the SUPREME good that comes up when healing begins? Slowly move mind from thinking "this is bad" to "this is healing", "this is GOOD". Focus on area of pain/discomfort/numbness etc. Love that pain. Experience the healing that is taking place. Be as grateful for it as you would for any potent medicine. 
2. Pain affects ME. This is the trickiest subject I've even tried to externalize. I'll only focus on it from pain's point of view. You need to first understand that this here is a very advanced spiritual practice that needs to be exercised. Once you are sure that "pain is not bad for you" - which is relatively easy to achieve, look at the "problem area" - either directly, or with a mirror. just look at it as if it was a picture or a 3D model. You may also take a picture. I'll take the hands and feet being numb as example. Do not think of any of the consequences that implies for a moment. Just look at hands and feet. Numbness is not bad. Let that sink in. Mind will tell you that you cannot walk and cannot grab a fork...let go. Focus on the image of hands and feet being there. Is there anything other than a thought telling you that they are YOURS? If so, be explicit, write it down or speak it into a voice recorder. Don't go back into WHY this has happened and don't go forward into how this is going to affect you. Focus on the healing taking place for those hands and feet in the NOW. Describe the feeling (numbness, pain) in as much detail as possible: tingling, contraction, hotness, fire, antsyness, pulsating, etc, be inventive, search dictionary. This will de-mythify the idea of pain and make it crumble into more collapsible sensations. 

In the end, it will look like that: "healing is taking place through antsiness and tingling in hands and feet" - as opposed to "my hands and feet are numb and I cannot move or eat or etc etc.." 

Start with little aches and discomforts. Go slowly, step by step.

NOTHING BAD IS HAPPENING TO YOU. 

Good luck

 

[Atom]

@Ayla I so enjoy reading your words.. Ive been having some tingles in my hands, arms.. i like to entertain the idea its healing ☀? 

 

Edited June 8, 2016 by Atom
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[Ayla]

Quote

Very often, on the direct path to Self-knowledge, the mind attacks in the form of resistances, doubts and fears very strongly.

Expect this. Your love and urge for Truth is under attack but don't worry, the power and advantage is still with you for yourself and Truth are timelessly one.
Always this will happen on the direct path.
Remember, you are the untouched presence observing the entire dramas of the wins and losses of the so-called person. 
You don't need to move the mind aside to get to Truth for Truth is not apart from you. It is already what you are. Be confirmed in this.

Simply recognise and stay as the formless, history-less Self. 
Here mind is powerless.
The most profound victory occurs when the psychological, limiting, personal 'I' and its negative mind conditioning have no more significance or hold over you. When its 'pull' is gone, you are authentically free as pure impersonal awareness. 
This is the case when you are clear that you are the formless and unchanging Self.

~ Mooji

 

[Ayla]

Little rant: "We are all recovering addicts" 

We are all recovering from different types of addiction. Addiction to food, addiction to cigarettes, addiction to searching, addiction to information, addiction to drama.... 

We've all been doped with it from birth, and we are drugging our kids with it too. A point comes (or not) when you decide that there's more to life than this addiction to different things. This is where the quest begins. 

Old paradigm of getting rid of addiction was to stuff it someplace. Kill it. Block it. (only to have it surfacing into something else)

Could it be possible for you to consider embracing it fully? 

Here's a process I propose to you: 

Let's say that you're called Mary and you're addicted to sugar. 

The only reason Mary goes to the sugar cabinet is because this is the way she always dealt with a certain type of a feeling in her body. It's a neuronal path that is so walked on, that it feels natural for body to reach for the sugar when the feeling comes. 

Instead of going to the sugar, immediately sit down and see what it is that your body feels. Write it down. Write down what is happening if you chose not to go there. Let's say that what comes up is: "if I don't go for the sugar (alcohol, smokes, drama, lying, drugs etc), I feel alone and misunderstood." Can you see little Mary as a child being alone and misunderstood? Can you give her your adult hand and comfort her? Can you tell her it is OK to go for the sugar as a self-love act towards herself? It is, ultimately an act of love to soothe any pain that comes. 

Here comes the interesting part  

Do you, adult Mary feel too weak to help little Mary? Shift your focus! Look at adult Mary from a few feet up. See her body. See her struggling. See her drama. Soothe adult Mary from a "vibrational" standpoint. 

In the end, it should look like this: Adult Mary's left hand is keeping little Mary's hand tight, soothing her. Adult Mary's right hand is in BIG Mary's hand soothing her. A chain is created. A chain of love. Look for something smaller than little Mary and for something bigger than big Mary. Link everything. 

If worked properly, this is a VERY powerful tool. Any time a frustration comes, reach out for both little and big YOU. Soothe and let yourself be soothed. Mentally understanding what is going on never solved anything. Those instances are only there to teach you absolute love. It is not a logic exercise. 

Will probably write more on this someday

 

[DizIzMikey]

@Ayla Thank you, needed that