How Do I Find Like-minded Friends?

[littleBIG]

I don't know if anyone else is in a similar situation.

I don't have many friends. I have only one friend that I connect with on an intellectual level. We talk about dating, life, and all the self help stuff. And tbh, I have other friends just so that I can say "oh yeah I have friends I am not a loser."

I also don't like any girls that I know because I think they care way too little about improving themselves and have low consciousness (often jealous, manipulative, etc.).

I feel incredibly lonely. How do I find like minded friends? Or am I looking at it wrong and am being too judgmental?

Criticism is appreciated. Thanks.

[nbolt]

Find some new hobbies and join local communities around those. If you live in the middle of nowhere maybe time to think about moving. There are billions of people on this earth, and we can only hold around 150 meaningful relationships at one time. That's not a very large number when you think about it. Just put yourself out there more.

[Key Elements]

You will find them along your journey when you work on your life purpose and beyond. 

[dystopia]

I am literally in the same boat lol. It's like the others said. I will continue to work on myself (including my social skills) and do the things I love. When you focus on things that interest you, you become a more interesting person & you're bound to attract others of similar mind. It's best not to force things. When you like yourself & what you do, people gravitate towards you.

[nbolt]

3 minutes ago, shouldnt said:

I am literally in the same boat lol. It's like the others said. I will continue to work on myself (including my social skills) and do the things I love. When you focus on things that interest you, you become a more interesting person & you're bound to attract others of similar mind. It's best not to force things. When you like yourself & what you do, people gravitate towards you.

Exactly this.

[Philip]

I think I can point out three major improvements I personally made in finding like-minded people. Here they are :

1. Finding more things interesting.

2. Becoming more interesting.

3. Expressing my passions more.

The first one is about openmindedness. For example, I was really obsessed about philosophy, science and self-help. So, subconsciously, I was rejecting everyone who wasn't. But then I learned to listen to people. I started asking them questions about their passions. And I found myself becoming genuinely interested in almost everyone. Which has improved my life a lot !

The second one is about charisma, passion, or something like this, I'm not totally sure yet. Anyway, I undoubtedly became more interesting to people around me. I'm still talking about self-help and science a lot, but now I'm way better at catching people's attention. Maybe it's due to a mix of mindfulness, self-esteem, empathy and passion.

The third one is about extroversion. The more I observe myself, the more I accept myself. And the more I accept myself, the more I assume people will also accept me. So I feel less and less fear in spontaneously expressing my weird personality. There's less filters now. Words come out by themselves.

So I hope my story helps. It's incredible what only 1 year of listening to self-help videos did to my life. I'm so grateful for all the amazing teachers out there ! My social circle is so much more fulfilling than it used to be...

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, Philip said:

I think I can point out three major improvements I personally made in finding like-minded people. Here they are :

1. Finding more things interesting.

2. Becoming more interesting.

3. Expressing my passions more.

The first one is about openmindedness. For example, I was really obsessed about philosophy, science and self-help. So, subconsciously, I was rejecting everyone who wasn't. But then I learned to listen to people. I started asking them questions about their passions. And I found myself becoming genuinely interested in almost everyone. Which has improved my life a lot !

The second one is about charisma, passion, or something like this, I'm not totally sure yet. Anyway, I undoubtedly became more interesting to people around me. I'm still talking about self-help and science a lot, but now I'm way better at catching people's attention. Maybe it's due to a mix of mindfulness, self-esteem, empathy and passion.

The third one is about extroversion. The more I observe myself, the more I accept myself. And the more I accept myself, the more I assume people will also accept me. So I feel less and less fear in spontaneously expressing my weird personality. There's less filters now. Words come out by themselves.

So I hope my story helps. It's incredible what only 1 year of listening to self-help videos did to my life. I'm so grateful for all the amazing teachers out there ! My social circle is so much more fulfilling than it used to be...

This is really good advice. Do more interesting stuff that you love and become more amazing, then you will find the people you are searching for.

[VividReality]

I really like this quote... "Energy of a certain quality or vibration tends to attract energy of a similar quality and vibration." - Creative Visualization.

 

[Will]

@littleBIG You dont need friend dude!!

Do what you really want.. If you want to be a nerd .. do it to the extreme.. do what makes your life worthy.. But if somewhere deep inside you would love to have frineds and not just because your lonely.. then you need to go for it..

So two bits of homework..

1. dig deep inside and find out what you really want out of life
2. find out why and make sure its not some deep seeded issue
3. if there is some deep seeded issue , come back here and well help point you in the right direction to solve it with introspection 
4. If your not really sure what you want or love out of life,, GO FIND IT!!

 

[Guest]

On 3/19/2016 at 6:02 AM, littleBIG said:

I don't have many friends. I have only one friend that I connect with on an intellectual level. We talk about dating, life, and all the self help stuff. And tbh, I have other friends just so that I can say "oh yeah I have friends I am not a loser."

I also don't like any girls that I know because I think they care way too little about improving themselves and have low consciousness (often jealous, manipulative, etc.).

Be careful you don't fall into all or nothing thinking in reaction to all or nothing thinking.

For more information, look up the "mean green meme" Spiral Dynamics