I'm feeling very unhappy and trapped in my life.

[Psyche_92]

I'm so unhappy i don't know what to do anymore. I've been feeling like this forever, and no matter what i do, it doesn't seem to change. So much shit happened to me in the past, and i think i'm still just full of trauma. I think i have severe social anxiety, because when i go outside for groceries, work, library, i'm always on the lookout, trying to not pull a lot of attention because i'm scared to meet my past bullies or people who did me wrong. I'm feeling extremely self-conscious, even to my neighbours when i happen to meet them outside i feel very uncomfortable.

All of this is holding me back from getting what i want ( which i’ve been supressing with nonduality theories, telling myself i need to be happy alone, neglecting my basic wants and needs) and crave in my life. I want to create new friendships, look for a relationship but i feel unworthy/undeserving.
I have a lot of ideas on things i want to pursue in life, but i don't feel qualified to do it, since i'm lacking motivation, trust and confidence in myself

I don't know what to do anymore :/. I've done psychotherapy for over 1.5 years and saw 3 different therapists, did meditation, shadow work, got rid of almost all my addictions ( even been on NoFap for 140+ days), cleaned up my diet but it doesn't change. I feel like i'm lacking something fundamental which keeps holding me back, but i can't solve it. HELP

Edited July 15, 2018 by Psyche_92

[ajasatya]

retreats.

Quote

Alone, in sylvan solitudes, great men often realize deep truths and solve intricate problems.

the buddha and his teachings

 

[egoeimai]

No matter what happened keep trying.

I know cliché af, but what can ya do?

Keep trying keep trying.

Step by step. 

[okulele]

 

[Tistepiste]

I'm very sorry to hear that.. Have you read the book 'The Power Of Now' by Eckhart Tolle? It can give you some perspective on your problems.

Have you realized that there is nothing wrong with you? That the people who bullied/bully you have their own problems that they are projecting on you? Have you ever tried turning things around? Doing some crazy thing, a crazy experience.

I don't know at which stage you are in your life, but if you're student you could try to go abroad for some time?
No chance in meeting your bullies / having awkard situations and connect with people whom you've never met before.
It could give you a total new view on socializing, connecting with people. It could help you get over your social anxiety and to give things a place.

Of course it's not solved in 1-2-3 but you have to believe that it is possible to return to a peaceful state again. Everyone has their own issues they have to work through and I am happy to hear that you recognize your problems and that you work on them. 

I hope to hear some updates about you and your mental state, I really wish you the very best.
It's sad to see how some people can create such suffer and trauma to other people without even realizing it..

[AresStrides]

@Psyche_92Just two things I want to tell you: You deserve your best and you are good enough.

Edited July 17, 2018 by AresStrides

[EldonFrami]

Here are some tips to live a Happy Life:-

• Be committed

• People care about you, not your success so try to spend time with your friends and family.

• Be grateful every day.

• Don't take rejection personally.

• Live in the moment.

• Take care of yourself, then help others.

[Nahm]

Everything is a distraction from what you are until everything is what you are. 10 days alone in nature can change everything. 

Maybe some of this is helpful too...

 

[Shine]

I am not sure if this will be a popular opinion.... It sounds like you endured a lot of damage within relationships. It’s great to find strength ‘on your own’, and at the same time we are social animals. You spoke of having therapy, and I noticed that another member talked about those experiences being quite short. Finding a therapist that you can develop a deep sense of trust with is really important to the therapeutic process. Much of the time emotional damage occurs through hurtful and toxic relationships. A therapist that you actually ‘click’ with and you feel actually gets where you’re coming from can be the first step to some healing. I think that it is fantastic to work hard on our own, and at the same time it’s through repeated experiences within a respectful and caring relationship that we slowly heal the wounds that were caused through negative relational experiences. I think it’s really important to honour that we are relational creatures, and often healing can occur within repeated positive relational experiences. From personal experience, it is not alway easy to find a therapist that has a ‘good fit’, sometimes it might take seeing 2-3 (or more) different therapists until you have a sense of them being a good fit for you. It is important that we honour our selves enough to find the right fit. As I see it we’re the ones paying, if the therapeutic relationship is not useful, move on and keep going until you find the right one. From there, unfortunately there are no magical cures, it takes time, courage and faith in the process of healing. If you decide that therapy is the right avenue for you, it takes time.... Sometimes it’s hard to hold onto having faith in the process, it can be slow going sometimes, and then you might have great strides forward, and then again it feels like nothing changes. These are the times that it can feel so hard to hold onto hope. You matter, and I wish you well on your journey.

[Lucas Lousada]

If you have the power to end it, you have the power to change it. whatever it is.

There is no such thing as too small and there is no such thing as too big, you view yourself as a potato but a potato is its own universe and so are you

[Emerald]

There are likely subtle and overt beliefs, thoughts, and mindsets that are designed to keep you in homeostasis. Ultimately, it comes down to identifying strongly with thoughts and believing the thoughts that come up because they are seemingly coming from you. Then, once those thoughts sweep you away, all kinds of emotions get triggered from past traumas.

So, it really becomes a snowball effect, where your thought patterns keep you stuck in homeostasis, which causes negative emotions, which cause more negative thoughts, which cause more negative emotions, which cause more negative thoughts... And this continues ad infinitum, unless you can become aware both intellectually and emotionally that those thoughts are not from you and are not to be regarded as true. They are just holding patterns of the mind.

So, my advice is to practice Vipassana meditation where you can gain skill with recognizing when you've become swept away by a thought and gain skill with detaching your awareness from the thought stream by resting it on a sensory experience. Eventually it will become second-nature and you won't get lost in the thought stream or tricked into believing that voice.

But while you develop that skill, it is very important to get in touch with your needs, feelings, and desires. It is really common for people to repress these things when they're seeking enlightenment. So, it's good that you've noticed that. 

But it's important to have faith that the process is working, even if it's working slowly. 

[KenDo]

I respect how hard you have worked on yourself. It must have been really hard to get rid of all of those addictions. My personal advice would be to contemplate on your problems. Ask yourself why you are feeling unhappy and what is the root of these problems. 

Another thing you can try is to work on your beliefs, to do this you must identify what negative thought are holding you back. A simple way to do this is to ask yourself why you aren't achieving X result in your life. For example: " Why don't I have the people skills I want? Because I am afraid of being judged. " When you identify your limiting beliefs you can change them to ones that serve you better. Make sure to find reasons why this new belief is true for you. So for example if your old reasons were: because I am afraid of being judged. One of your new reasons as for why the opposite is true, could be: I haven't always been like this or there are situations when I am not afraid to talk with others. 
So once you have done this all you need to do is affirm these new beliefs daily so your subconscious believes them

I also think if social anxiety is one of your big issues which is holding you back, you should work on slowly pushing yourself out of your comfort zone every day. This has helped me a lot with my anxiety too. Hope you try some of these tips and they work for you.

 

[CuteCornDog]

On 7/15/2018 at 9:18 AM, Psyche_92 said:

I'm so unhappy i don't know what to do anymore. I've been feeling like this forever, and no matter what i do, it doesn't seem to change. So much shit happened to me in the past, and i think i'm still just full of trauma. I think i have severe social anxiety, because when i go outside for groceries, work, library, i'm always on the lookout, trying to not pull a lot of attention because i'm scared to meet my past bullies or people who did me wrong. I'm feeling extremely self-conscious, even to my neighbours when i happen to meet them outside i feel very uncomfortable.

All of this is holding me back from getting what i want ( which i’ve been supressing with nonduality theories, telling myself i need to be happy alone, neglecting my basic wants and needs) and crave in my life. I want to create new friendships, look for a relationship but i feel unworthy/undeserving.
I have a lot of ideas on things i want to pursue in life, but i don't feel qualified to do it, since i'm lacking motivation, trust and confidence in myself

I don't know what to do anymore :/. I've done psychotherapy for over 1.5 years and saw 3 different therapists, did meditation, shadow work, got rid of almost all my addictions ( even been on NoFap for 140+ days), cleaned up my diet but it doesn't change. I feel like i'm lacking something fundamental which keeps holding me back, but i can't solve it. HELP

I truly can relate to you.