Healing deep shame, anger and fear

[Widdle Puppy]

So first off I might not have all the right vocabulary to describe my situation perfectly but I'll try my best. 

I have some very deep shame and regret that needs healing. It has to do with some choices I made in the past that hurt others and I have a part of me that absolutely hates myself for this. The hatred aspect was cultivated a long time ago from my childhood which was not a loving environment and is it's own can of worms. I feel so ashamed about the shame aspect that there is this massive tension built up around it that I feel guards everything. When I feel these guards go down sometimes I become terrified and scared for I think four or five different reasons. I can't even imagine what would happen if these walls disappeared and the emotions they were blocking all flow out at ounce. In the back of my mind I'm afraid my heart will stop or something sinister.  

So I have these different aspects, shame, hatred and the fear of figuring it all out and they all have their own traumas behind them I suppose and they all sort of mix and create this deep knot within me. On top of that I feel like I've never really experienced unconditional love and have little to draw from emotionally outside of courage/bravery and my intellect. So now I'm confused. How can I go about really healing all of this? The shame feels the worst and needs to heal. I think I need more love and support in my life but mostly I need to untangle this knot but it's a mystery to me how because it feels like one feeds off the other and when I tackle one of them the other grows stronger. The hatred/tension and shame balance each other and the fear keeps any real change from occurring. 

Could I get some support please and just some things you've found helpful doing on your own to heal shame and work with the hatred you feel for yourself regarding it?

Edited July 15, 2018 by Widdle Puppy

[wpw]

 To process any negative emotion I personally use the https://www.bioemotiveframework.com/ But generally speaking (there are many ways to do this) you need to sit with and feel the emotion or feeling. 

Leo also has a video on this. There are other methods like TRE, holographic breathing etc  

I can share with you what I do (use the NEDERA process) 

Before you start you will notice yourself being "activated"  - if you can lose your stories (coming from your intellect/thinking mind and just focus on feelings instead, - shame is an interpersonal feeling so it's usually to do with other people 

1st,  Notice where the feeling/resonance is residing in your body. Really spend some time focusing on the feeling if you can. Focus in on it like a google map zooming in. Spend some time with it 

2nd, Experience the resonance and sink your awareness into it and be with it. Do this for a while and when you think you have done it long enough do it some more     

3rd Differentiate what you are feeling, is it an emotion (fear, sad, happy, angry) or is it interpersonal (shame, guilt etc) you will know if it is correct 

4th Express the feeling out loud - you must SAY it out loud while tapping into the resonance " I feel ashamed  I hurt (x)" keep playing around with this till you really strike a chord emotionally. If you begin you tear up all the better       

5th Resonate & resolve. Keep trying out sentences till you really get a large response from yourself etc  I mean a feeling etc 

6th You might need to take some action after you have processed this in the real world - only you will figure this out 

https://bioemotiveframework.com/wp-content/uploads/woocommerce_uploads/2017/07/Nedera-Guidebook-Part-1-2.pdf                  

Does anyone else have any other methods they are using that work well for them?                                                       

Edited July 15, 2018 by wpw

[Jack River]

I think facing fear solves all these problems. Lately I have been trying to keep notice of all the subtle fear that arises during my day. There is so many types of fear and it’s good to be able to notice certain thoughts as being fear and not thinking they are somthing different. Anyway I’m doing my best. Good luck dudes

Edited August 7, 2018 by Jack River

[ajasatya]

@Widdle Puppy this is what i did: i moved and then i started an entirely new life, immersed in meditative practices and living in the present moment. after a few months i was a completely new person: new habits and new thought patterns.

[Rebec]

Start with the biggest struggle right now, don't worry about the rest. Resolve one and the do the next one. 

Lots of methods work, some of my favorites.

Teal Swan, The Completion Process;

The Sedona Method fifth way;

Byron Katie, The Work;

Free worksheet; http://thework.com/sites/thework/downloads/worksheets/JudgeYourNeighbor_Worksheet.pdf

Root cause of a belief; question your belief untill you can't go further;

- Why would that be a bad thing?

- What would it mean if that were true?

And check @Martin123 guide; 

Good luck ?

[Widdle Puppy]

Any other ideas?

 

I want to start on my shadow work but am afraid I will just do it for a few days and it will become too painful a d I'll give up

[Widdle Puppy]

bump

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 10/2/2018 at 4:22 PM, Widdle Puppy said:

Any other ideas?

 

I want to start on my shadow work but am afraid I will just do it for a few days and it will become too painful a d I'll give up

I like the style of Inquiry in AH Almaas's Diamond Approach. 

Sitting with whatever comes up. If it becomes too painful and you drop it, that's ok. Just drop it and not bang your head against the wall. Just let it go. Later, I can return and sit with my shadow material as spontaneous as I dropped it.

Over time, developing more of the capacity to sit with the feeling of deficient emptiness. What's it about? Become curious about my shame for instance, if possible.

Not reaching conclusions about anything. No self criticism. Just sitting in the middle of all my messed-up-ness and giving it a good look all over,,,, whatever shows up

In time, whatever we are 'sitting with' begins to transform.

[sgn]

@Widdle Puppy

 

[purerogue]

Reason why you are afraid to look into thous issues is your ego, you are well aware of things that happened, but for ego it is big no , no , as it would make you look weak, stupid, idiot or any other idea that your ego does not want to label himself with and when he does not want to label himself with any of it, when you have a look in any of these incidents, your ego will automatically starting making excuses, there is really no one way for dealing with all of the issue , each of them needs its own approach in proper manner, I can not give you sound advice on how to deal with issues as one approach can contradict another. 

 

Edited December 21, 2018 by purerogue