Freedom From Outcome

[Lynnel]

Hello there,

I have been doing pick up for a year now, with some pretty amazing results, but there is always a deeper problem I find myself unable to fix.

Growing up I was never part of the quote on quote cool people, and never had my first girlfriend until very late.

I can easily start and interaction with very awesome and hot girls, even get solid number, and even sometimes dates, but there is a sometimes a moment where it's fucking up. (Be it the interaction after the number, the date itself or even while in the bedroom I'm unable to "escalate" aka,

After some self-inquiry I have deduced that :

1) My mind for some unkwnown reason defines my own value partially by the hotness of women I am able to "get".
 

Also, I feel inferior to all the guys who get those hot girls easily, in a not big deal frame, and I makes me feel seriously inadequate and alien, as I am struggling with this kind of problem while I am confident I am an great human being in different aspects, which of course, lowers my self-esteem.  The solution of getting some hot girls doesn't work, because I have slept with girls that were quite hot, but not AS hot, and not AS much.

2) I tend to put women on a pedestal, once I believe they are hot enough so that getting them will allow me to feel cool (aka part of the cool kids, and hence socially adequate), and that sleeping with this particular hot girl may unlock the rest of it, since the mind believes sleeping with one hit girl will make the whole hot girl thing normal.

The solutions I have found so far are :

- Fullfilment, once I am fullfilled I do not care at all, but I only had that at the first stages of taking action, it kinda went away now, and most likely never coming back, because socializing feels really normal now.

- The whole It's not gonna change my life (and women are not gonna make me happy/nothing can make me happy) insight, I have felt it at times, but it's not consistent while I wish the whole situation would just normalize.

 

Does someone have any useful insight about solving this problem ?

[Sarusuave]

Let me tell you one thing you are awesome. Go in front of the mirror and tell yourself that people are people that's it no hot no ugly just people if you get her number that means you attracted her which means .you are at the same level just two people attracted not hot not ugly just two beings. I think of it as everyone needs attention and love and passion. And anyone can give it. Your confidence is holding back your "giving" tell yourself your awesome and she needs you and you're the shit. And boom you won't be thinking about things that wil get you down or make your mind drift away towards your insecurities.

[Olafur Thorsteinsson]

 

The thing is that all of the guys how start in pick up are after sex, the pussy, because we think it will make us happy. "only if I can fuck that hot girl, that I will be happy", or "only if I can make my girlfriend for the rest of my life, I will be happy". 

No dame it, you fucking won't be happy no matter how many girls you will fuck in you life. 

Too many guys are like "only if I have a lot of sex, than I will be happy". and that is illusion of your mind. You want to train yourself to be happy in the moment, being yourself, not be faking how you really are to be liked. 

So when you go out, make your goal about having fun, and giving value to other.

Give value means: Telling people a story that you like. Giving your opinion about something. Say or do something that you find funny. Say something that you find interesting. Go dance if you want to dance.

Taking value means: telling people a story that you thing that they like. Giving a opinion that you think that the other person would like to hear. Say or do something because you thing the girl finds it funny. Saying something because you think that other people find it interesting. Go dance because you don't want to be the weird guy.

Girls are attracted to guys how are there to give there opinions and are not there to impress anyone.

You are not there after approval, you are not there to impress anyone. you are there to be yourself, to have fun, to be happy, and then girls will come as a buy product of that.

The foundation here is to be detached from outcome and positive mindselt. 

Quote

You meat a girl and you have sex with her, you rock. You meat a girl and she runs away from you, you rock. 

Quote

heads, I win. Tails, I win

P.S. I also do pick up, and I love it every time ;D

[marting]

On 7/2/2016 at 3:08 AM, Lynnel said:

- The whole It's not gonna change my life (and women are not gonna make me happy/nothing can make me happy) insight, I have felt it at times, but it's not consistent while I wish the whole situation would just normalize.

I think you are on the right track. No girl is fundamentally going to change your life. If you have a 7 out of 10 value proposition sooner or later you will find a girl who is 7 value back. Regardless of which 7 you marry your life will be different but equally as good. If your value proposition is only a 5 then  you should not be thinking about 9s and 10s but work on becoming a 9-10 value. The key here is that what is going to fundamentally change your life is how good you get and not the girl you end up with.