is it actually rude to pick up women?

[Viking]

walking up to girls in the street, in the mall, at cafes and start a conversation. is that rude? women actually get pissy about that and immediately dismiss you? unless you're attractive of course.

[Truth]

22 minutes ago, Viking said:

walking up to girls in the street, in the mall, at cafes and start a conversation. is that rude? women actually get pissy about that and immediately dismiss you? unless you're attractive of course.

It's not rude. Not everyone is gonna be jazzed up to talk to you, that's just the reality. 

Edited July 14, 2018 by Truth

[Viking]

36 minutes ago, Truth said:

It's not rude. Not everyone is gonna be jazzed up to talk to you, that's just the reality. 

im ok with that, but does it make girls uncomfortable?

[Truth]

24 minutes ago, Viking said:

im ok with that, but does it make girls uncomfortable?

Do you feel uncomfortable talking to people? 

[Viking]

7 minutes ago, Truth said:

Do you feel uncomfortable talking to people? 

generally no, but it depends on the situation.

[Truth]

Just now, Viking said:

generally no, but it depends on the situation.

Then generally no, it depends on the person/situation.

If you go out and take action and constantly test those situations and people you'll figure out your answers. You won't find them here on the forum. 

[Arkandeus]

1 hour ago, Viking said:

im ok with that, but does it make girls uncomfortable?

as long as you are uncomfortable, they will be uncomfortable

this is more about you then anything else

there is no reason why you should not approach a fellow being

in my past days of pickup I'd notice how I had no problem approaching people in general women included if it was about asking time or direction, and I noticed the same from other people, it felt right it went fluid, because I felt I deserved to approach people for the time or directions

I'd keep that mind,  the confidence approaching a stranger is there, I just need to figure out what's going on with my inner beliefs, why I did not I deserved to approach a women to simply talk to her

last I know it is not a crime to exchange a few words with the opposite sex yet it felt like I was committing a felony

after a long and completely honest look inside my heart my intentions and my beliefs I came to the conclusion that pickup is not part of my path of most joy and excitement and flow

throughout the experience I managed to reach peak levels where I could approach women with relative ease and I was merely scratching the surface of what was possible, I had some nice dates, and definitely the belief that it is rude to approach women vanished, there were many women who felt genuinely happy to be approached even if it didnt lead to anything its a friendly gesture to a fellow human being

so it is really about you 

my experience is mine alone, and there are people for whom pickup may be part of their spiritual path and I know such people, thats what makes the world such a wonderful place, so many different experiences

so definitely feel this for yourself

now for the actual advice, you have 2 different beliefs

you intent to talk to women, so you have a positive belief that you deserve to talk and get to know everyone, women included

your thread also shows you have a negative belief which says you do not have the right to approach just about anyone

what will happen is that with mixed vibrations, some people will naturally tune into your positive vibration, some will tune into your negative vibration

depending on how hard and intensely you believe and feed your negative belief, more people will tune into that when you approach them

so nurture the right beliefs

believe in your self-esteem

 this is knowing who you are and knowing that you deserve a lot

and yes you may make a few women uncomfortable, who cares?

we all care, but we're gonna have to stand in our own shoes

as long as your intention is in the right place, you genuinely approach with the purpose of love, with the goal that both you and the women get something positive out of the interaction, then you did good, you did right

if she happens to decide to believe in negativity that is her choice

Edited July 14, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Truth]

1 hour ago, Timothy said:

From a spiritual standpoint I'd say yes because you would want something out of them

There's nothing wrong with getting something out of someone. It only becomes a problem when you neurotically try to control them or over step their bounds.

[Truth]

43 minutes ago, Timothy said:

@Truth contemplating the motive to get free of it would serve someone far greater

I'm sorry you feel you'd be an inconvenience in someone else's life and they'd be an inconvenience in yours.

[Truth]

45 minutes ago, Timothy said:

@Truth

Don't be a leech!

Don't be a hermit!

[blazed]

If i was a women I'd consider it rude, as a guy I barely ever get any people starting small talk, it's very rare, and if it does happen the guy seems rather gay to be fair or elderly people just looking to socialise.

Most guy's have a total lack of interest in any unnattractive women, elderly, and men, they just looking to stick their dicks somewhere.

So rude? yes definitely. Either be very sly or actually meet people through natural means.

As for women, continue to shut down those PUA douche bags, no offense, but nothing good will come out of it, they will move on if not soon then later, consider that your attractiveness fades, or you get a face injury, they will be PUA the next chick asap. Douche bags are not keepers, or husband worthy, SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN ON THE SPOT LADIES.

Unless you're looking for a short term fling or 1 night stand then sure why not...

PS: funny story I once created a female profile on a dating website and boy the messages did NOT stop, dating life is ridiculously easy as a average to decent looking women.

Edited July 14, 2018 by blazed

[Sick Boy]

From my moral point of view, I think it is not rude as long as you are as polite as the situation demands. This requires social calibration and sometimes you will cross the line until you learn.

Some girls will get pissed even if you are polite, that's unavoidable. But that's their problem. You are a human being with relationship needs and you are trying to fullfill them in an acceptable manner.

You should try to be respectful to everybody, and that includes you and your human natural needs.

That being said, I'm trying to be better at this, because I care too much about others opinion and always try to not disturb anyone, so I'm aslo learning.

[Emerald]

Generally speaking, it isn't rude by itself. It just matters what you say, how you say it, when you say it, and the vibe you give off.

So, there are some contexts when it could be rude. As a woman, there are a few contexts that I don't liked to be approached under. I'll give the main ones and the reason why they're uncomfortable situations and how to avoid them.

1. If I'm in the middle of trying to accomplish something in a focused way - Think about when you're walking through the mall and one of the sale's people at the mall tries to get your attention to talk to you about their product. But you really just wanted to do your own thing. Then, you have to have this weird conversation and be nice to that person. All the while, you just want to be on your way to do the thing that you ACTUALLY wanted to do. That's what it feels like when a guy approaches you when you're in the middle of something. It's frustrating to be interrupted. And she will probably associate you, from the get-go, with the feeling of being annoyed. 

So, to avoid this, I recommend looking for body language cues. If you see a woman walking briskly in a focused way, she is probably going to a specific place to get something done. So, it's a bad idea to stop her in her tracks just to talk to her. But if you see a woman who is just hanging out and not particularly focused on something, you can try to spark up a conversation.

2. If I'm in a huge crowd of people by myself (unless it's a club or concert something like that) - Women who are by themselves in a crowded place are often bombarded by guys trying to approach them. Now, one guy approaching isn't annoying by itself, as long as he's respectful and positive. But the high frequency of men approaching can be quite annoying. For example, if you've ever played the Gameboy Pokemon game, you walk through the tall grass hoping that a Pokemon won't pop up on you. But then it does, and you're like "UGH! Not again!" 

So, to avoid this, don't approach women on busy pedestrian streets where she's probably already gotten six approaches that day from random guys. Use some social acuity, and ask yourself "How likely is it that she's already been approached a ton of times already today?" Now, you can still spark up a conversation if the situation is appropriate and natural, but keep it platonic at first. Women appreciate slow courtship and wondering "Is he interested or not?". So, she will appreciate you opening with normal banter. 

3. If I'm all alone (especially a night) and the only other person around is the man that's trying to talk to me- This one is pretty self-explanatory. She'll probably be scared because she knows she's vulnerable in that situation. So, making a point to not interact, will be appreciated. 

I used to have to walk home alone in the middle of the night back when I was in college. So, I did a lot of late night lonely walking. And I've had men try to follow me home and all kinds of other vaguely threatening situations. Then, one night, I was walking alone on a dark road and there was a man behind me about twenty feet back. So, I was afraid of what might occur, and I looked back at him. Then, he said, "Sorry" and averted his eyes.  And I immediately felt so much more comfortable because I could tell that he was aware of how I might feel in the situation. 

Now, I didn't bring him home with me or anything.  So, don't think I'm saying that. But exercise that same kind of awareness of the incongruence of the situation. It will be appreciated. You're a man and are most likely stronger than the woman you'd be approaching. And she will be acutely aware of that, and start running through "What if"s in here mind. So, if you're in a situation like that, be considerate of her vulnerability and approach another time. 

4. If I'm trying to talk to other people- No one likes to be interrupted or have someone intrude on a conversation or change the subject. So, if a woman is deeply engrossed in a conversation with someone else, don't try to squeeze in there. Just wait until she is done talking to them. Read the body language in the situation. If she looks disengaged you can approach, but if she is listening or talking to another person, then wait. 

Plus, it opens all kinds of doors for you to be awkward. It will make you look needy and like a third wheel. So, instead, try sparking up a conversation when she's disengaged from other people conversation-wise.

 

 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Emerald

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Etagnwo said:

@Emerald I like your stuff emerald. It's very informative and you spend a lot of time going into detail for the benefit of us who wish to learn. 

Thank you.

[Freethinking Guru]

@Viking It can or can't be rude, depending on the context, as others have mentioned:

Your demeanor: Obviously, she's going to pick up on your energy and feel whether you are anxious and uncomfortable or calm and relaxed. Are you trying to force the issue of letting it flow naturally?

What she's doing at that moment: Probably not a great idea to talk to her while she's running a 5k race or while she's having dinner with her husband. Read into the cues she's giving off. Does she look like she's in a rush or have a closed off posture?

No black or white answers on the matter.

In regards to the spiritual side of things, I agree with @Arkandeus that pickup might be part of your spiritual path at that point in your life. There's lots to learn from that material. Ultimately, though, you have to determine whether the pick-up is keeping you from being authentic, because it can cause us to cover up our insecurities with an indifferent attitude or some sort of general well-calculated front. Something to keep in mind.

Edited July 16, 2018 by Freethinking Guru

[Viking]

@Emerald thank you, it was really helpful, sometimes one can be so focused on the subject of approaching women he can forget completely how she might feel.

 

Edited July 16, 2018 by Viking

[Emerald]

59 minutes ago, Viking said:

@Emerald thank you, it was really helpful, sometimes one can be so focused on the subject of approaching women he can completely how she might feel.

You're welcome.  

[Sick Boy]

On 16/7/2018 at 7:55 AM, Emerald said:

You're welcome.  

I agree, very good post Emerald.

(I thought there was a +1 Like button in this forum, where is it?)

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Viking  It depends on how you do it and who you choose. Method&choice.

 

...and if you do it in Sweden, you might be insane.