Life Purpose / Spiritual Backlash

[Randy]

Hey All,

 

Background:

I've made some serious steps this year in my personal development. I gave up some really toxic habits on the new year: drinking, smoking pot and smoking cigarettes. I haven't relapsed once because I'm not fighting these addictions with willpower, but more like my whole mindset shifted, I was just done. I'm not perfect, i've got other addictions I'm still working on, like porn, social media, stimulation in general, judgment, validation, etc, but giving up these 3 were big in freeing up time and mental energy to even begin deeper work. 

I also added some great stuff to my life. I started working out. I cleaned up my diet significantly. I journal regularly (at least once per week). I took the life purpose course and really poured myself into it and feel like I have a very solid LP and something that I can be proud of. I read almost everyday I meditate everyday. I started with 30 mins and have been adding 5 minutes a week with the goal of reaching 2 hours a day (i'm at 1hour and 20 mins/day). I do Vipassana meditation, but have also recently discovered some non-dual teachers that have been great, but also have kind of brought me to a strange place and the reason why I named this post "Life purpose / Spiritual Backlash".

 

Current problem/ question:

Everyday I work on my Life Purpose. I am still early in the stages of it, so it's not paying the bills, but my job isn't very taxing (3 hours / day) so I still have plenty of time to devote to it at least 4-6 hours. One day after watching some Youtube of some non-dual masters I found myself in a near thoughtless state. I felt compelled to go outside and just walk around looking at the world and contemplating "who is perceiving this? Who am I? Where are these perceptions being perceived?". It felt like I was tripping on mushrooms or LSD, more controlled, but very similar. This happened a few days ago and I've had similar experiences each day after. My meditation has deepened significantly. I don't feel like I'm about to become enlightened exactly, but I do feel a profound deepening of my spiritual life. Part of me wants to marinade in this and pursue it, more than my life purpose. It feels more meaningful than anything the little 'me' can imagine doing with my life. I'm confused though if this is somehow some kind of ego-distraction or if it's my spiritual side causing a spiritual backlash  when faced with pursuing things in the material world (i.e. my life purpose). As awesome as having a meaningful Life Purpose is, I don't think it really holds a candle to actually pursuing enlightenment and becoming enlightened.

 

I'm curious if anyone else has had an experience like this or has any advice or input on the situation. If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them. I can give you more details as well. I'm also kind of concerned a bit because I've halted doing a lot of my LP habits because I still feel like I'm on some kind of mild LSD trip and I'm just staying in this state of thoughtlessness. Should I be concerned? The only thing I haven't stopped is the meditation and eating well. 

 

Thanks for reading

[Taha mouline]

Hello, 

I can say for my experience as I am pursuiing my life purpose for now 1 year that the more I deepen in the the spiritual path and the less I care about achievement and success. EVen the passion ! It was not easy to swallow for me because my life purpose is to motivate people to take action and to live a passionate life lol. 

So now, I am clear about my priority and I want to do my best to put enlightement/ awakening as my 1st priority in my life. 

I also try to be as mindful as I can during my day. It motivated when I lose motivation to advance my my life purpose to see it as an opportunity to be mindful. Every moment of my life are an opportunity to be aware and more conscious. Even now when I am writting this, I can choose to kind of meditate while doing it or just stay completely asleep while writting. At least I am doing my best :). Anyway, what helps me a hell lot in my spiritual journey thoses last weeks is to practice mindfulness of my mind during everymoment of my day ! I am constantly vigilant and asking my self "what was I thinking just now ? " or "Oh yeah I was thinking about what I am gonna eat for lunch" . It's kind of mindfulness meditation but focus mainly in thoughts and pictures. Maybe others sights will resonate more with you or the breathing awareness.

So if it can helps to incorporate more that spirtual side even pursuing your life purpose, I'd be delighted for you. 

Good luck in your life and awakening, little by little, day after day we can see a little bit more the light shining throug us !

[Leo Gura]

What is your LP currently?

Life purpose is supposed to be the most meaningful thing you find in life. If that is consciousness, then align your LP with that somehow.

 

[Randy]

@Leo Gura

Thanks for the reply

 

Edited July 13, 2018 by Randy