Non-dualism hit me crazy

[Uchira]

I was in America last year and I am still not able to fully comprehend what happened to me during that period of time. Finally one year after, i started to notice that i was hallucinating. But i want a help from you guys to grasp what happened to me.

So let me tell you what i remember and the whole plot. The "Work and Travel" Programme provided me with the chance to work in USA for three months. First two months were just normal, doing my part time job, and smoking some weed in free time. But in the last two weeks, I quit my job, because i had enough money, meditated when high, did some exercise routine and watched Leo's video about absolute infinity part 1&2 when high.

       Everything was just normal before i met a very interesting, homeless, radically open-minded black 76-years-old man in the street. He just blew my mind because we talked about many concepts (Ego, spiritualism, masturbation, etc..) and then he brought me to a church (he told me the church is not just a church like others). When the pastor came out and talked to me, i just suddenly cried. They prayed for me. After that, i asked the old guy '' you wanna smoke some weed?'' and he said '' why not''. We had a more deep conversation. 

After the conversation ended, i went to my apartment. I cried. I talked to myself. The funniest part was that i thought i felt the scratch of the enlightenment. But here are the thing that i still cannot understand.

1. I went to 7 eleven convenient store and asked the cashier what time it was. She replied me '' Eleven seven" with a big witch-look-like smile on her face. My brain spontaneously thought that " 7 eleven and eleven seven what the fuck''. i ran out from the store. i don't understand why she scared the shit out of me.

2. i posted some strange posts on facebook. i posted a picture of homeless man that made me cry like baby. i had cried for like ten minutes straight. Then i saw my mother's picture, i cried again. 

3. i literally thought that someone is going to bomb chicago and i have to go to my country. but then i just did some really weird stuff to people so that ambulance car came out and brought me to the hospital. actually, at this point, i think i have just gone crazy this time. and i really cant understand why i became crazy. it was really dangerous. i could be literally crazy psychopath. I dunno guys. but this all this nonduality stuff got me there. 

One thing i can really say is that i was suffering seriously.

 

[molosku]

Dude, you don't sound like you are okay. There was nothing special about that clock thing you talked about, it's not normal to post things on social media for reasons you don't know and to be in delusion about a bombing.

1 hour ago, Uchira said:

I dunno guys. but this all this nonduality stuff got me there. 

Yeah, it seems like so. I suggest you seek professional help as soon as possible. Really.

[Rilles]

what does have to do with nonduality? sounds more like youre lost in your mind

[No-Thing]

Hey if you feeling you are loosing the grip on reality, here is what helps.

Focus your breath for a while, relax. Your breath is there.

Sense your being, your presence. Ok that's there. Good.

Now whatever happens beyond that is a game. 

It doesn't always need to make sense.

From all what you have read, you probably realised that the most of developed souls are full of love and compassion.

So the one who developed this game we are in is also full of love and compassion.

Can you trust that? Can you have faith in goodness of reality?

Relax into that.

Just sit there and dwell on the goodness of it all.

Your breath is there, your presence is there. Check.

Confusing thoughts are coming in, intense emotions arise .... What to do?

Are they about love and compassion? No? Ok then they are part of the illusion, the goal of the game is to let go of these forces.

The "normal" is also just an act. If you fear you are loosing it. It is just that you loose the grip on what you thought is normal.

Relax, breathe. 

You can always come back and play along with other people. There is nothing wrong with that.

Don't resist the normal.

Don't resist the crazy.

Don't resist the aliens.

Don't resist the feminists.

Relax, breath.

You are here.

[Viking]

i'd quit the weed and check with a doctor.

[Arman]

What you're sharing isn't of spiritual significance. It's mental illness. Talk to family and/or contact the appropriate services to help otherwise things aren't going to improve. Take care of your well-being before worrying about non-duality.

[Uchira]

@Arman  i am totally mentally healthy right now. it was happened one year ago and i just trying to understand the reason why i became and behave like that @No-Thing @Rilles @molosku

Edited July 12, 2018 by Uchira
forget to mention

[No-Thing]

Why do you want to understand it?

I assume you think that it might have relevance for future situations?

If that is the case then from my experience I can say that all things from the past (traumas, emotions , behaviour patterns...) that will manifest again in my future are stored in my body right now.

There is no past and future, only right now but the change of scenery in my field of experience is dependent on what is stored my body.

Stored meaning not let go of.

So if you want to understand why you behaved like that, observe your body and directly experience the emotions and traumas that caused your behaviour. If you then stop resisting those trigger sensations, you will dissolve them and let them go and they won't bother you anymore at all.

So my 2 cents. Stop intellectually trying to understand it and start to experientially observing your body and the intellectual understanding will come on it's own.

Edited July 12, 2018 by No-Thing

[tsuki]

@Uchira Mental illness is inability to translate your experience to others.
The moment you think that you're mentally ill is the moment in which your experience vastly exceeds whatever you've experienced before.
You can recollect your mind if you create a story that links your identity with this disjoint experience in a constructive manner.

Contacting the doctor will let you create meaning for what happened, but it will mean that you are broken and need fixing.
Medicating yourself will never let you decide whether what you've felt was valid or not. It may make it go away, however.

The eleven seven thing cracked me up as well . Why did you run away from it?

[Guest Quanty]

Watch out what energies from other people you take before you know yourself fully. Because if one does not know him/her selves fully, then the influence of another human being who is more aware can radically change one dormant's life, for good or for the bad.  

[PsiloPutty]

Geez, glad you snapped out of whatever that was. Hard to say what happened to you, but it was some sort of mental episode. LOL, I think we could substitute your story with the script from Coming To America, and it'd be a much better movie than the original. Yeah, the 7-11 part cracked me up. Off he runs!  

 

[Uchira]

@PsiloPutty @tsuki Reason i ran away is that when she looked at me and told me "it's eleven seven young boy", i realized there was a clock on the wall and it was not actually 11:07. And then i remembered the store's name "seven eleven". In that moment, i was terrified and scared of that lady because i assumed that she knows something about abnormality and non-dualism. 

I am totally functioning well here in Mongolia. I have to say that i was extremely lucky because if american government system were not friendly to foreigner (they actually sent me to public rehab center and took good care of me), i could be literally mentally disordered and could not be able to realize that i was mentally disordered. Thanks to U.S Health Care System.@Quanty @No-Thing  

Edited July 12, 2018 by Uchira

[PsiloPutty]

@Uchira  I understand, brother. I wasn't laughing at you, but more the image it created in my head.     And I'm happy that you're doing well again!