Dreams Related To Childhood Trauma

[Iulia]

Hey everyone!

I woke up this morning having again of "those" dreams i'm having from time to time. And i really urged to write it down here now. 

I grew up with an alcoholic father, every weekend he got drunk and yelled at my mother from 9 p.m until 4-5 a.m, while i was listening to everything. I kept trying to convince my mom to leave him, that we would be better off without him, that i can't stand him making her cry one more day.. i remember telling her all this after leaving home for a few days after a big fight...

Well. I'm 25 now and at 19 fortunately my father stopped drinking, after I left home and went living at my grandma's so i could have peace to study for college. In order for me to get back home i made a list of "rules" for him, like

- stop yelling at mom

- stop manipulating her

-stop being violent

Things like that.. I made 3 copies for all of us to sign it.

While he said he was missing me, his ego was too big to understand my intentions and reacted like " Who do you think you are to ask me all of this?!"

Few months after he quit drinking for good. Maybe i triggered something in him back then that made him concious about losing us, i don't know.

I'm proud of him because of doing it as i never thaught he could.

Now, i'm into self-actualization for over a year and i feel like i'm "reborning" slowly in this proccess, and i'm having dreams from time to time.

Sometimes i dream about arguing with him, like yelling at him ( i never did this in childhood ), he beating me after, and i wake up crying in the morning.

Last night i dreamed that i was in the neighbourhood i grew up, and I met a friend of mine. He asked me " how are you?", i told him " wait i'll be back and talk to you" and i ... flew. Like, actually opened my arms and 'flew" away. ( hilarious, i know )

I wanted to come back to the place i flew from and talk to him, but the "speed" took me to another city. When i realized i'm too far i started crying and asking a woman in a bus station to tell me what city is that and if i could get a bus to get home.

While waiting, i saw right there a house of a family which i felt i knew and visited before, and from the moment i went into their house, i felt like all of the things that happened , have been happening to me before in the exact same order.. 

I don't remember exactly what i was but i felt fear and pain while living them.. I remember my mom came there and i was trying to persuade her into leaving my father, and as she used to in reality, she got back to him after... and i was feeling alone and "betrayed. After that i told her i have to leave her and could lot live like that anymore.

Before i fell asleep last night i heard my neighbours quarelling, and i'm guessing that triggered something in my subconcious and provoked this dream.

I know that in the proccess of my evolution i must forgive my father and everything he did, my mother too, and accept them as they are just because they raised me up as "best" as they could,  they simply didn't know better and that's not to blame. 

While i thaught i really forgave him, turns out that's maybe just a mental forgiveness but i still have root issues i have to work on.

Is there anyone here experiencing this? What have you realized in the process and how did you cope with it?

Thank you, BIG THANK YOU for reading all of this. 

 

 

 

[Elton]

@Iulia heeey :-) i would like to share some ideas which may help you. The images in your dreams may be looked as symbols, to each and every person the symbol might mean something else... Like for me flying means success for you it may mean escape. The best way to deal with any problem is to face it directly its not easy to do that though.. Have a nice day lulia :-) 

[Kelley White]

10 hours ago, Iulia said:

Hey everyone!

I woke up this morning having again of "those" dreams i'm having from time to time. And i really urged to write it down here now. 

I grew up with an alcoholic father, every weekend he got drunk and yelled at my mother from 9 p.m until 4-5 a.m, while i was listening to everything. I kept trying to convince my mom to leave him, that we would be better off without him, that i can't stand him making her cry one more day.. i remember telling her all this after leaving home for a few days after a big fight...

Well. I'm 25 now and at 19 fortunately my father stopped drinking, after I left home and went living at my grandma's so i could have peace to study for college. In order for me to get back home i made a list of "rules" for him, like

- stop yelling at mom

- stop manipulating her

-stop being violent

Things like that.. I made 3 copies for all of us to sign it.

While he said he was missing me, his ego was too big to understand my intentions and reacted like " Who do you think you are to ask me all of this?!"

Few months after he quit drinking for good. Maybe i triggered something in him back then that made him conscious about losing us, i don't know.

@lulia Thank you for sharing.  I am gad you were strong enough to conduct an intervention of sorts and that he has some sobriety.  I sincerely hope he can continue on the path.

I am not a dream interpreter, nor would I pretend to be.  I know that there are times after a trauma we can have vivid dreams and it can be our unconscious or subconscious thoughts surfacing.

10 hours ago, Iulia said:

Before i fell asleep last night i heard my neighbors quarreling, and I'm guessing that triggered something in my subconcious and provoked this dream.

I know that in the process of my evolution i must forgive my father and everything he did, my mother too, and accept them as they are just because they raised me up as "best" as they could,  they simply didn't know better and that's not to blame. 

While i thought i really forgave him, turns out that's maybe just a mental forgiveness but i still have root issues i have to work on.

Is there anyone here experiencing this? What have you realized in the process and how did you cope with it?

Thank you, BIG THANK YOU for reading all of this. 

I am currently separated from my husband who is an alcoholic.   He was on the beer-thirty to 3am schedule which featured nightly eviscerations of the emotional kind.   I tried numerous approaches before finally conducting an intervention and his subsequent lack of boundaries led to other consequences.   I may wish him the best, I may hope he remains sober?  That said I am going to fly far far away.   The trust is gone.  I will never put myself in the situation where I am sleeping on a dog bed again to avoid someone screaming hurtful things at me while they are intoxicated at three in the morning.

I'm an opiate addict in recovery since 2009.  It cost me relationships due to my conduct while under the influence.  I violated the trust in those relationships and whether I am different today or not? Those people incurred enough pain they are unwilling to trust in my sobriety.  I cannot fault them for that.

Addiction is a horrible disease, but ultimately we make the choice to either seek help and live or to continue on in addiction or die.    Once we beat the disease we have to take responsibility for our actions as a part of the healing process or we simply will find a new addiction or become an abstaining addict.    I sincerely hope that your father can maintain his sobriety, I encourage you first and foremost to care for you.   Thank you so much for having the courage to share.

 

 

[VividReality]

I wake up having "those" dreams as well, but as soon as i wake up, i make a choice to keep going towards my future. I understand that this life itself is a dream, and you are so much lucidly living it. So when i wake up... that dream i had is no longer relevant, why... this moment, right now, is the one and only dream that matters. You can do nothing... or you can start taking action towards your future. 

It's up to you to do anything and make anything... that is your life. 

Anyways... Cheers!!!! 

[Iulia]

@Kelley White Thank you for your warmth  That's why we are here, to learn from each other's experience, to open our minds and souls for learning different approaches on several issues in our path of self-actualization .. i think anyone who feels shame or has second-thoughts about doing this is not doing it "right". Ego is a motherf***er, heh

Also, congratulations for choosing to change your life and let go of all things that don't support your growth and led you into self-destruction. I wish many people ( as i wished for my mom in the past ) would see within themselves this power and take back control over their lives. 

Stay strong!

 

 

[Kelley White]

On 3/19/2016 at 3:20 PM, Iulia said:

Thank you for your warmth  That's why we are here, to learn from each other's experience, to open our minds and souls for learning different approaches on several issues in our path of self-actualization 

@Iulia, you are very welcome.   That is why I am here, to learn from everyone's experiences.  You never know when someone can  phrase something just so and the epiphany comes.   I've been observing numerous communities on social media for years and my own observation is that there are numerous paths/approaches and here almost seems to be an evolutionary progression related to the interdependence of those paths.

On 3/19/2016 at 3:20 PM, Iulia said:

i think anyone who feels shame or has second-thoughts about doing this is not doing it "right". Ego is a motherf***er, heh

I am no longer of the notion there is a "right".   There is a just is, because...well it is.  But a "just right?"  I've chased that rabbit and it was related to porridge in a tale about three bears and the "just right: was missing in action in that tale as well if I recall? 

I definitely have second thoughts, I am still working on releasing shame.  I am more making a conscious choice not to allow them to rob me of my now.   I am working more on being in the now moment, feeling it, experiencing it, observing how much I am not in the now but everywhere else but.    

On 3/19/2016 at 3:20 PM, Iulia said:

Also, congratulations for choosing to change your life and let go of all things that don't support your growth and led you into self-destruction. I wish many people ( as i wished for my mom in the past ) would see within themselves this power and take back control over their lives. 

Stay strong!

Thank you.  It was an old pattern and now I am aware of it I can choose to not repeat it and yes, slowly but surely I am taking responsibility back for my life which is empowering myself.     Thank you.

I wish you all the best.