Any tips on how to deal with an Obnoxious Family?

[Revolutionary Think]

So anyway it was just supposed to be a 3 day fun trip in California from LA to SF and along the coast it turned out to be an insane disaster. So here's the story I was told by my mom that since my uncle passed away 1 year ago (he was the middle uncle out of three who died from cancer) that the family wanted to be together to go on a trip and we bought a big van that was like a limo so once I get to my aunts place I find out that there are 8 seats in the van and 9 people are supposed to be in it. The good news is that my cousin who I really like her husband and their baby is coming too and their one extra space in their car so my other cousin goes with them (who I also like). That unfortunately leaves me in a car with my aunts my uncle and their husbands and wife's with my other older female cousin. 

So we start the arduous drive to San Fransisco. I was cramped in the back seat of the van feeling uncomfortable with people who were extremely obnoxious. I'm talking about Orange low consciousness values on full blast. They were drinking, smoking weed, and listening to music and not a moment of silence. They even wanted me to join them from time to time offering me shots and weed I kept having to tell them no. We finally get to the hotel we rest a bit then go out to Chinatown San Fransisco. My uncle isn't just obnoxious but, he's rude and constantly offers unsolicited advice not just to me everyone in the family and he does it in the rudest most ridiculous ways. So when we're walking to Chinatown he walks up next to me and starts giving me shit for wearing cargo pants. He tells me that cargo pants are out of style and when he sees me from time to time I'm just wearing these cargo pants. He tells me that it's not right and to show him one other person who wears cargo pants out on the street. I really want to tell him to shut up and that it's none of his business but, I just agree with him and tell him OK I'll buy another pair of pants. He even said he'll give me the money to buy it. Mind you the reason I wear cargo pants because when I'm out and about I need carry a lot of things and my cell phone I put in my lower pants so the radiation doesn't get to close to the private area. Anyway we go to the restaurant not that enjoyable and eat greasy Chinese food. 

The next day we have to check out and my uncle wants to go more North to Nappa. I start speed eating my breakfast because I know we hardly have any time and tell my mother I want to go to the Exploratorium because I'm a science and technology guy. She says no because we came with a group and I can't go but, my aunts husband encourages me that I can do it and that I should be on my own. I say thank you and I go. Then I get a text from these obnoxious people that they are leaving soon and they'll keep me posted. I call my young cousin that son of that obnoxious lunatic uncle (mind you he's a great person and nothing like his dad his dad drives him as insane as he drives me) he tells me it's OK to buy the tickets for the place and I buy them and I enjoy myself their. All of a sudden I get a call from my mom that they are leaving the hotel at about 11 PM. Then I say that I'm just 5 blocks away and it's no big deal. They hand the phone over to my untamed uncle and he starts cursing at me and telling me why I didn't tell everyone I was leaving to go there. He's angry as can be. When I actually did tell my aunts wife I could was going there and his son and my mother... OK so I'm picked up by the people I like my cousin and her husband and from there we go to a place to eat (we decide against going to Nappa which is more North) It was my uncles suggestion. 

At this point everyone under 40 on the trip is sick and tired of all of the shenanigans that everyone over 40 on the trip is pulling. Me my cousin my other cousin and her husband are burnt out. Everyone over 40 is one generation way and were born in Iran and we under 40 were born in the US. So my cousin's husband says that he is going to a friends place he knows in San Jose and either me or Josh could come and I decide to come. All of a sudden I get a call from my mom and she wants to talk to my cousin and I ask why she doesn't tell me. Then all of a sudden my aunts husband calls them and says that I should be with them. So now my cousin and her husband are stumped as to why they are doing this. They stop behind their van and I have questions because I don't want to go with them. My uncle hops out of the van I ask him to explain what's happening and starts losing his shit just shouting at me to get in the van. At this point I don't care I shout back at him and he shouts "they're going to be with their friend do you want to be with their friend" and I shout "yes" then he shouts "OK then go". Then if that's not enough my aunts husband who is much more calm and collected and is driving gets out of the van and makes a last ditch effort to convince my cousin I should go with them. It doesn't work and I end up going with my cousin and I thank my lucky stars. Not to mention I would've been cramped in that car. Also it felt great for that time to stand up to my uncle and not just agree with him. So at the end of the day we all end up in Monterrey and it turns out the reason the rest of my family didn't want me to go with my cousin is because they thought I would be a burden to them and they were just offering it to me when they really didn't want to do it... Which is complete bullshit and they even told my cousin and her husband even told me it was bullshit but, it's like we can't speak logic to these people over 40. At night I have trouble getting a wink of sleep because my aunt, my mom, and my cousin over 40 can't be quiet and are on the phone until 12:30 at night.

So the next day arrives and instead of just spending some time in Monterrey to walk my genius uncle wants to drive to somewhere else called the 17 mile drive. So we all have to get up relatively early when we are supposed to be relaxing on a vacation. My cousin who is my uncles son doesn't want to go. So when we finally get to our destination my aunt guilt trips my cousin into coming and he gets an uber to where we are. Then we eat breakfast I walk into the bathroom and my uncle is there and he talks about my cargo pants AGAIN! In the bathroom of all places. After that we go to Carmel where they only want to find a resturaunt to eat at where we could've done that in Monterrey. We find a bar and all my uncle can do is complain about the service and make the waiter and bar tender feel uncomfortable. I am sick and tired of all the idle chatter and I decide to go to the art museum next door. I tell my family maybe they should try exploring once in a while like I do. My uncle tells me it's OK I like exploring but, I lack socialization skills. Then he wants to turn it into an argument and I start defending myself this only makes my family feel uncomfortable. My aunts husband told me you can't teach an old dog new tricks and whatever my uncle says to just let it slide and agree with it. Then the genius (my uncle) gets another bright idea that since he remembered his dad (my grandpa) enjoying Big Sur we should head down to Big Sur which is 26 miles South of where we are just so he can feel nostalgic. Then everyone has to fall in line with what he says because he's the oldest man. We go down the coast line where we find out there is no cell reception and my cousin's husband overshoots the place we turn around and we find the place we talk to the lady there and it turns out that we need reservations to go up there the other car which has my obnoxious family members in it and my poor cousin overshoots the place as well and there is no cell phone reception either. They've overshot the place just like we did lol. Then my cousin gets out of the car with the most defeated disappointed look on his face tells me to leave my cousins car and go sit with the obnoxious people because he's had all about he can take. Then after half an hour they find it and since we don't have the reservations and we're a part of 12 people with a baby we decide to go to the cafe next to it instead. So we eat then for the third damn time when me and my uncle and my mom cross paths after dinner he comments AGAIN on my cargo pants and how I shouldn't be wearing them and how he wants to cut them with scissors. We go back and we sleep. 

The third day of this insane vacation I thought was going to be a little good turns out to be a nightmare. I decide to not wear my cargo pants and for the first time my uncle compliments me for not wearing it. Then I offer pancakes to other people. I cut them and put them in a separate plate. I think we have time to do more things until check out so I go to the aquarium to enjoy myself. All of a sudden a call from my family that they are leaving. I come back see my uncle he tells me he wants to have a word with me in private. He starts talking about the way I cut the pancakes was really terrible and I didn't make it look good. I defend myself making him angrier and angrier to the point where he hits me in my stomach and I hit him back. I tell him I'm not that 17 year old anymore who he was used to bossing around. Then to my great disgust I find out that the cousin I actually like and her husband are deciding to stay in Monterrey and that our only choice now is to be cramped with 9 people in an 8 seater. I go nuts because it's the last thing I want to do and my mom maybe makes a suggestion I take the greyhound back. Then I just decide that since this place is foreign and I need to find out a lot about the greyhound I'll go with them. Then my poor cousin who has a big body build is cramped with four people in the middle seats and me and two other people in the back seats. On the way back my cousin and my uncle are arguing together and we make a couple of stops get back to LA and the next day I'm here writing all of this for all of you. 

So anyway in the old days stuff like this was a regular occurrence for me and I had no one to talk to. Now that I'm older an wiser I have friends and forums online and I know I'm not alone so I'm happier. I want to know what you would do if you were in my situation. I'm glad there is a place where I can open up about stuff like this. 

[Revolutionary Think]

Anyone had that family member who they finally stood up to?

[Leo Gura]

Get a job and move out. Until then, you're in a coping holding pattern.

It's important to break free of your family and forge your own life. Then you can set all the rules and values.

In your early 20's the #1 priority should be to master making a living for yourself so you are not anyone's slave, including not your boss's slave.

[Revolutionary Think]

@Leo Gura I've been trying to do that easier said than done. I've applied to tons of jobs haven't heard back. Have heard back from some had some employers ghost out on me, lead me on, and/or flat out lie to me. I've even invested money into a course about making money on YouTube, I have a University and a Community College degree. I have a certificate from a trade school and I'm 2/3rds done with your life purpose course even. 

The latest thing I have going for me is a possible internship (unpaid) with this place from Mars Academy USA this one looks promising. I'm doing my best to impress the lady and so far so good. Time only knows how this will turn out but, I'm giving it my all. 

Edited July 16, 2018 by Revolutionary Think

[Leo Gura]

@Revolutionary Think Keep at it. There are many solutions available.

Yes, mastering financial independence is challenging. But it's also highly worthwhile and an exciting opportunity for growth.

I was in your shoes 10 years ago. I got fired from my first job in 1 day. Then a month later I found a much better job. And a year later I quit even that job and started my own biz and worked for myself for 10 years. Those first 5 years of doing biz were really exciting and scary times. Without that, Actualized.org would never have been possible.

So keep the hope and really work the problem.

[daniel695]

good luck buddy!

[Revolutionary Think]

@daniel695 Thanks

@Leo Gura Yup just got to keep pounding that pavement. It's interesting the more I learn about you the more I find out similarities with myself. You were born in Russia but, I wasn't exactly born in Iran my parents come from there so we both have a culture gap between our parents most likely. When you were young you thought video games were awesome and so did I. You had money hoarding problems because of past experiences and for me it was because my mom and dad would always fight about money and my dad was cheap. You think your mom can be doing more with her life and so do it. I'm guessing you had a passion for aerospace but, you didn't like the nitty gritty of all of the complicated boring math that went into it and I am the same way I like science and technology yet I am not a fan of hard and complicated maths.

So that kind of makes me wonder about other things. Like did you also have only one best friend when you were growing up and this one best friend was the one you could confide in? Did you also have a rocky relationship with your family because when you were younger and once you got older they didn't really get your or your interests and always thought that you were the shy boring one who didn't want to drink alcohol with them? Did your parents also divorce? I'm also wondering that you're independent what exactly is the relationship you have with your family? Like does your family get what you're doing or are they completely oblivious to it or not interested? Do you want to enlighten your own family? Can your mom still be annoying  and overprotective lol. Does your brother get you and/or understand you? Does your mom call and still ask you if everything is alright and does it get annoying from time to time? Do you ever visit your extended relatives and is their that one relative who's extremely annoying 

Are my questions prying too deep  Anyway don't mean to bother you but, ever since I was younger looking out that stupid balcony of that house I lived in Bel Air California with my grandparents and no way to get out I was always wondering when THAT DAY would come for me. That day where I could find my people, my hobbies, and my destiny and not have to deal with petty bullshit anymore. I'm inching closer and closer to that day sometimes I get so close I can almost taste it and then sometimes it seems as if it's just not coming. Well I know that the future is going to be so exciting and fun regardless. I just jump for joy when I meet other people I can relate too yet they are half way across the world and don't live in my city. The more I venture out the more people I meet who just get it. So ironic I don't feel this way with the people with the same DNA as me instead it's people who live half way across the world from time to time. I just gotta strike while the iron is hot and hopefully hit the jack pot then I can scour the Earth and create a Enlightened tribe fun awesome scientists   who just want to treat the world as their own laboratory that they can experiment with anything including the intangible.  

[Raphael]

@Revolutionary Think

I'm currently in the same situation than you. I'm fighting and struggling for my independence, it's really hard, but keep it up!

22 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Revolutionary Think

I was in your shoes 10 years ago. I got fired from my first job in 1 day.

Lol. How did you achieve this feat?

[AresStrides]

@Revolutionary Think

This will probably echo some of the posts already here but...stick with the people that build you up...if you have a few people that share the same opinions you can be each others' support. 

For you, I think now that this trip is over you can use the experience to know who to stay away from in the future...

[d0ornokey]

@Raphael i think he talked back to someone in HR 

[Revolutionary Think]

@Raphael and @d0ornokey I call them Human Retards actually that's a bit offensive to retards and gives HR too much credit lol . Anyway I am currently scanning documents to get my place doing super cool 3D printing stuff for Mars Academy USA with Doctor Susan Jewell it's an unpaid volunteer internship yet, it's super fun and I really don't need the money right now just something to get me experience and I'll be around the technology I love. It's still not in the bag although it's looking pretty good right now. Anyways wish me luck and I'm pretty sure if I get this I'll be around the people I actually enjoy being around. 

[Revolutionary Think]

@Raphael what is your age and current "struggle" just curios. 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Raphael said:

@Revolutionary Think

I'm currently in the same situation than you. I'm fighting and struggling for my independence, it's really hard, but keep it up!

Lol. How did you achieve this feat?

I accused the HR lady of tricking me into a position with no benefits.

[Xenomorf]

@Revolutionary Think Yes.

• Accept and love them for who they are.
• Dismiss their ways of thinking without being obnoxious yourself ( even in your own mind, keep it healthy )
• Create more space and time between your interactions.
• Be the one in control with the power of suggestion
• Stay true to yourself

I wrote a long article but cannot post it, sorry. I wish I could share my life that much, I really do, but in my case I had to be a warrior in a 3rd world post communist country while being a hippy with purposeful implementation. I've been manipulated, experienced betrayal and even had to accept the fact that a family member committed suicide. I wrote that small list because I gradually developed them in order to survive while not severing the love bonds between us.

One more thing : "With great power, comes great responsability" [Uncle Owen from "Spiderman"]. Most of the time accepting the limits of others while still loving them, can solve more problems than you can think. Take control of the moment, wisely. 

Want a job ?

https://www.freelancer.com/

http://upwork.com/

https://www.fiverr.com/

// Hope this helps 

// I am currently working on financial independence and found these platforms very useful for starters, at least for gathering resources ( money )

// I posted these ideas since I saw you said that you do not like complicated math (didn't mean to offensive), so content writing, web development or even programming could be a great start.

Peace

[Revolutionary Think]

@Xenomorf Thanks there is something I have now that I didn't have in the past when dealing with my family. A bunch of like minded people who I met later in my life to remind me that everyone goes through these things. 

[Xenomorf]

@Revolutionary Think You're welcome, my friend. 

Love unconditionally

 

[Raphael]

@Revolutionary Think

I'm 21, and I'm also struggling with some toxic family relationships.

I'm trying be become financially independent, so that money will never be a source of limitations, but a source of opportunities.

I also have other fundatinal issues that need to be fixed like anxieties and childhood trauma, etc.

[Durka_Durka]

@Raphael Why are you actually me? Haha

[Nahm]

@Revolutionary Think If it helps ya...I got fired from my first job too. Epic fail. For stealing beer. (14) lol. Who hires a 14 yr old in a beer store? Man we had some parties. Wouldn’t change a thing. 

[Revolutionary Think]

@Raphael Here's a tip just in case you need one. The last thing you should do is blame yourself for your lack of independence. Remember this it's not your fault if you are applying for something and the employer doesn't give you a chance. What I learned from experience is that job hunting is the worst, most complicated boring job you will ever have. Actually doing a job once you get a job is extremely easy it's getting through the idiot gatekeepers that's hard. The way I see it there are two types of kids. Kids who grew up in a hostage situation with in an environment that made them disconnect and people who couldn't connect with them. Then there are kids who actually grew up with people who helped facilitate their growth. I found myself in the former. That's why when I finally got done with school I was thinking hooray I can finally find work get some money and get away from the family dysfunction. Little did I know that not only was I living in a dysfunctional family but, the entire society in itself was dysfunctional and had no interest in helping me. Employers aren't interested in your independence and/or growth they're just interested in what they can get from you. The job market will be just as dysfunctional as your family chock full of liars, hypocrites, jerks and people who are looking to one up you. Don't get down on yourself for not "making it at your age" because you can just do the best you can with what you are given. You have to rely on coming up with strategies and have like minded people surrounding you. My mistake was that I looked at a job with a weekly paycheck as a source of salvation and I was wrong to do that. Not only did I learn that I had an obnoxious family but, that family is more than likely a product of the actual dysfunctional society. I didn't put those things together. So learn how to deal with the situation you have now as best as you can.