I'm In Agony.

[Guest]

@shouldnt Hello. My advice to you is go chill for a while.  Then when you feel stronger go on amazon and order a copy of the Alice Miller classic: The Drama Of The Gifted Child.

Take some time away from the forum and suspend "self actualisation" for a while while you read the book.

If you don't want to go to a therapist then read this book I'm recommending.  It is for you.

In the meantime, remember that this will pass.

 

 

[Guest]

@shouldnt lol look how mad you go. First you waste your time whining here and crying for people to comfort your sorry ass and then you go apeshit and start insulting. Truely pathetic. I'm not your comforting bitch. All your problems are fucking ego bullshit just like your behaviour. Watch yourself and get over it. There is no attemt to grow or self-actualize in your behaviour. But yeah keep insulting and being enraged. sooner or later you'll see what's going on. I hope.

I've seen women go through much worse and they fought through it without whining and begging for attention to strangers on the internet in some forum.

 

All my best wishes to you.

[dystopia]

@Nomad I looked it up & read the summary. It does sound perfect, thank you.

@Rasmus oh, you mean other women have gone through worse? There are other people who have had differing experiences from me? Wow, I never would have thought. That is truly insightful. I never would have known that differentpeople go through different things & have different ways of handling their problems, if it weren't for you. King Rasmus. Truly an inspiration. I'm a whining, pathetic loser, & I should just go kill myself. Thank you, Rasmus. We are not worthy.

[Guest]

@shouldnt this is one last reply to all of your post in this thread. Enjoy

 

 

 

[dystopia]

@Rasmus I have a feeling my sarcasm went over your head. Oh well.

[Guest]

@Rasmus Don't quit your day job mate.

[Philip]

@shouldnt After all those great pieces of advice you just received (good job guys), I almost have nothing to add.

So I'll give you some META-ADVICE instead ! hehehe

As you may have noticed, some pieces of advice we're too advanced for you, and some were not advanced enough. So which one to take ? Personally, I found useful to go with the piece of advice that seems just a little too advanced for me. Why ? Because it won't be THAT hard for you to get there, but you'll still need to reshape some of your mindsets. It will probably take you a few weeks or months to really understand the advice deeply, but by doing so, you'll start to see reality in a brand new way. So my meta-advice is to go with the advice that's just a little bit too much for your current paradigm. Just a little bit too deep for you to fully understand it yet. But still, don't fool yourself : growth is difficult. Exciting, but still difficult.

So, with that said, I'd like to say I admire your courage. A lot. You made yourself perfectly vulnerable by sharing your emotions like this. And I think I speak for everybody here when I say this :

You're a good person.

You're doing your best.

You don't deserve all this suffering.

You literally have more potential that you can even imagine.

And whatever happens, you'll always find a reason to progress towards the incredible person you know you can become.

[Kelley White]

I wholly agree with @Philip. 

[Guest]

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/common-phrases-gaslighting/

 

[dystopia]

48 minutes ago, Nomad said:

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/common-phrases-gaslighting/

 

Thank you for this. I've used a few on that list & they've been used against me. I'll be more mindful of it, now. 

"Saying that we choose how we feel trivializes mental illness by implying that we could just get rid of anxiety or depression through the power of positive thinking if we tried hard enough."

This one stood out to me. I think it's one of the main causes of my anxiety. I blame myself for allowing myself to get in fowl moods. Of course, being positive is great but I am unrealistic in thinking that it should always work.

[Ayla]

@shouldnt

I think this book will be of help to you:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Artists-Way-Julia-Cameron/dp/1585421464

[Guest]

@shouldnt @shouldntshouldnt is what I was talking about on the other thread with you and finding peace. Self help has a dark side, as Rasmus has just demonstrated.

[dystopia]

@Nomad I guess he is an example of someone who remains low concious and egotistical and becomes dogmatic about self help

[Key Elements]

@shouldnt

Sorry to hear this, really - but don't worry. It's only a glitch on the TV screen (the Matrix). This forum is also a Matrix. It can be used as a tool only for learning. It doesn't even give you real life experiences which is priceless.

Have you tried journaling on an empty notebook? For me, it only started off as one sentence. Then, it became a few paragraphs. Then, it became a book. Then, I went to an IP lawyer I found during networking to get it copyrighted. Then, it became my career & life purpose & so on. Ok, don't look at the big pic. This is only my story...

Just start with an empty notebook and start with the "now" today. Then, take baby steps, but do focus on the now and enjoy. If you don't like notebooks, there are other tools, like the notepad on your mobile. 

 

Edited March 19, 2016 by Key Elements

[Guest]

@shouldnt Sort of. Thats just one part of a person. The same as this wounded part is only one part of you. 

Us humans can make the mistake of thinking that one aspect of a person is who they are. Just say we act "all needy", that might attract certain parts of others: The rescuer, the critical arsehole. The comforter. All aspects of a person, but the same person can exhibit the opposite traits in different circumstances.

I have tons of sub personalities running around doing their thing. Because I'm green, and the parts work is about moving into yellow (integrating the parts). 

Green is differentiation yellow is integration.

The world just isn't made up of different perspectives, but the self is also made up of different perspectives. Failing to see this and taking things and people concretely is blue cognition. 

So make friends with the different parts of yourself. Just because you loose self esteem in one area of your life doesn't mean you loose self esteem in another area. 

If you keep this in mind you can see the differences between your different subselves and how they all have their own worldviews and agendas. 

If you recognise this then autonomy is easy, because you don't invest your whole sense of self into just one part. You can get perspective. 

[dystopia]

@Nomad yout should let people private message you can you change your settings?

9 minutes ago, Nomad said:

The world just isn't made up of different perspectives, but the self is also made up of different perspectives. Failing to see this and taking things and people concretely is blue cognition. 

So make friends with the different parts of yourself. Just because you loose self esteem in one area of your life doesn't mean you loose self esteem in another area. 

This is important information. I don't think I've ever seen anyone else on this thread (or Leo) talking about the subselves. You're the first one to tell me about it & it makes so much sense. Thanks for the reminder.

[mandyjw]

You can't have "casual" sex with someone you live with, or have any sort of connection with. You can have sex but it's never just casual. I think you need to become conscious of how much pain that relationship is causing yourself. You cannot say that you have "no feelings" for your roommate, but at the same time be hurt by his being oblivious or inconsiderate.

[dystopia]

@mandyjw I don't have romantic feelings towards him. Sex is just sex. I have known him for many years and consider him my closest friend. I just expect him to be more considerate of me because he knows I am going through a tough time but he acts as if everything is great. I just don't feel like I can trust him as much, anymore. Therefore, the sex stuff makes me feel a little used because he's so inconsiderate he's not even concerned about getting me off (like he used to be). It's deeper than the physical. Like I said, I wish I cared more about his gf's feelings & wanted to stop him from cheating on her but I just don't. I tried telling her (through text, as she actively avoids seeing me) but she is a total bitch towards me & still chooses to stay with him so her feelings are not my problem. She's totally weird anyways, she's recently convinced herself that she wants to be a boy now. Not because she is uncomfortable with her genitals she just wants to dress like one & shit because she's obsessed with cosplay & anime conventions and lives in a fucking fantasy land. She's an idiot. She is way too immature (she is 23, he is 32 & divorced) I wish he would find someone that had more to offer him, I thought he was an intelligent guy. I don't know what they see in each other but they deserve each other, I guess.

Edited March 19, 2016 by shouldnt

[mandyjw]

If you can't make yourself care about her feelings, can you at least make yourself care about your own? He isn't making you feel used, he is using you. A long term friendship like that is way stronger and deeper of a connection than a short romance, after all romantic feelings are usually pretty fleeting in all relationships. It's not just the sex that's the problem here, it's the entire relationship. He isn't treating you or his girlfriend fairly and for that he probably deserves to lose both of those relationships. Then maybe he can have the opportunity to self-actualize and learn how to treat people with respect.

Edited March 19, 2016 by mandyjw

[dystopia]

@mandyjw I gotta say, I don't disagree with you. I really hope she leaves him but she is way too messed up & dependent & low self esteem blah blah. I wish he would find someone better but he doesn't want the best for him either, so I stopped caring. He is moving out of here soon to move in with her. I definitely don't trust or care about him as much as I used to so all I can do is wish him the best. I definitely want better for myself & I don't plan on continuing our sexual relationship either after the last time.