Periods and consciousness

[Beard]

So my girlfriend is fussing about her period which im sure is one of the worst feelings a person can go through, but she said "Sorry it's just the period talking. theres not much I can do" I was going to reply by saying that is an excuse to go back to old habits, but I honestly do not know how much a period actually impacts the way one thinks. I refrained for reasons of ignorance but was wondering if any of you had any thoughts?

[Truth]

30 minutes ago, Beard said:

So my girlfriend is fussing about her period which im sure is one of the worst feelings a person can go through, but she said "Sorry it's just the period talking. theres not much I can do" I was going to reply by saying that is an excuse to go back to old habits, but I honestly do not know how much a period actually impacts the way one thinks. I refrained for reasons of ignorance but was wondering if any of you had any thoughts?

lol don't say that. Your job is to handle her emotions and comfort her and love her unconditionally. Not point out her flaws lol. I know you just want to help but, just imagine you got kicked in the nuts and you scream "Ouch you fucking asshole!"and right after the person who kicked you said "Oh you're in pain? that's an excuse to go back to old habits. You should be able to handle me kicking you in the balls and should be able to maintain your equanimity."

That's what you're basically saying to her. I know you just want her to be strong and help her, but unless you know for an absolute fact that she can handle taking criticism like that and won't get emotional, blame you, or get mad at you even in subtle ways (passive aggression, a little face she makes at you etc.). Don't say it. It will just make things worse. 

 

Edited July 9, 2018 by Truth

[Beard]

2 hours ago, Truth said:

lol don't say that. Your job is to handle her emotions and comfort her and love her unconditionally. Not point out her flaws lol. I know you just want to help but, just imagine you got kicked in the nuts and you scream "Ouch you fucking asshole!"and right after the person who kicked you said "Oh you're in pain? that's an excuse to go back to old habits. You should be able to handle me kicking you in the balls and should be able to maintain your equanimity."

That's what you're basically saying to her. I know you just want her to be strong and help her, but unless you know for an absolute fact that she can handle taking criticism like that and won't get emotional, blame you, or get mad at you even in subtle ways (passive aggression, a little face she makes at you etc.). Don't say it. It will just make things worse. 

 

Thanks for the response and really good example haha! I wasn't going to send it especially because of the conditions lol fueling the fire is never bueno. I guess i'm looking for ways to encourage the strong behavior and not encourage the more moody ones. It's like the kids who cry for a new toy, but also tough to make it an emotional process and not a transactional dog getting a treat kind of thing. 

[Sunderland]

Don't worry about that. She just need some time 

[Truth]

12 hours ago, Beard said:

Thanks for the response and really good example haha! I wasn't going to send it especially because of the conditions lol fueling the fire is never bueno. I guess i'm looking for ways to encourage the strong behavior and not encourage the more moody ones. It's like the kids who cry for a new toy, but also tough to make it an emotional process and not a transactional dog getting a treat kind of thing. 

Your job is to understand who you're dealing with (which is why you're here). Otherwise you're just gonna be treating a cat like a dog and you're gonna continue to run into problems.

There is a fundamental difference between masculine compassion and feminine compassion and gender differences that goes incredibly overlooked by people because of this equality movement women have been pushing with feminism and stage Green people within spiral dynamics. 

We all sit on this polarity of masculinity and femininity energy.

The extremes of masculinity is --> Extremely logical, emotionless, left brain, cold, bitter, pushing outward, penetration, imposing yourself, dominating etc.

The polarization/extreme of femininity is --> Extremely emotional, all over the place, extreme combative to extremely happy and vice versa, soaking in, flowing, receiving, surrendering etc.

It's our job to understand where we are on this spectrum and our job to do our best to see where other people sit on this spectrum in order to give the value that we can. (seeing all the ways in which we are able to help them.)

Understanding these extremes and polarization's including the edge cases (the middles of the spectrum) on deep levels will help you gauge the best way to give someone value/ help them out.

Here are the ways you can give someone value/help them that is WITHIN your control.

- Accept them. No matter what they've done, who they are etc. accept them. 

- Love them. Just love them, care for them, be there if you can and appreciate them.

- Respect them. Even if you can't. Why? Because then they can't turn inward and look at themselves and will instead continue to blame you for all their problems. 

- See everyone as a valuable person no matter how neurotic, competitive, annoying, misguided, ignorant you think they are. otherwise you'll have the reverse of what I wrote above, YOU won't be able to turn inward and figure out what is within your control to make the situation balanced. 

- Understand/hear them. This is the bulk of the work and why I'm writing this entire thing here. You have to understand things on a VERY deep level in order to balance everything just right and give the kind of value you can to REALLY help them.

- Give advice/help with logical grounded compassion. Doing this will allow you to be loving but also harsh with them when things clearly aren't working. it's like combining negative motivation with positive motivation, balancing selfishness & selflessness with the intent of living up to their fullest potential and helping them grow.

- Literally be the example. If you find yourself in a similar situation and they're watching. Show them how to handle the situation, that can be huge for them. 

Edited July 9, 2018 by Truth

[Bill Eichman]

@Truth If this board software had a 'Like' function I would like Truth's answers.

I think that there is greater complexity to the polarity realities we find within and outside of ourselves, but he describes the one that is most important to use in the intimate man-woman dynamic very well and usefully.

[Beard]

@Truth Thanks again for the in depth breakdown. Added lots of clarity to what is needed to improve all of my relationships, including myself. Really key to accept every type of person at the core and not just on a logical mind level. I'll be focusing on understanding the spectrums deeply, and working on finding the right balance. Thanks truth!

[Truth]

2 hours ago, Beard said:

@Truth Thanks again for the in depth breakdown. Added lots of clarity to what is needed to improve all of my relationships, including myself. Really key to accept every type of person at the core and not just on a logical mind level. I'll be focusing on understanding the spectrums deeply, and working on finding the right balance. Thanks truth!

No problem, glad I could help. 

I just want to add 2 more ways you can really help others that I just discovered and thought I would add.

- Match their emotional/passive state and act exactly like them. Not in a mocking way, but in a playful/exaggerated way. so for example with what she said to you. you could say "Yeah fuck those periods, I hate that shit. Happens to me all the time. I mean, I'm a guy, but sometimes I feel like I'm on my period too if you know what I'm sayin'." and if you're in person you can either smile if she smiles, but if she doesn't smile then just continue to play it off, and try to kind of get her to smile with your body language. Do the best you can.

- Match their strong/stoic state and act exactly like them. The mentality here is that they are very grounded. Extremely grounded. Everything is very real for them, they are highly conscious of what is most important and they're not going to budge on that. Just be careful with this cause you could come off as competitive to them then they'll try to beat you in some way. Just stay above the game and just treat them like a valuable person or a good friend no matter how much they call you out (messing up), try to mess you up, try to throw you off. Just realize they are there to help you like a good friend would, even if your friend is a bit of a dick lol. Also you can poke and prod at them too if you feel like it just for fun. 

Hopefully these aren't too abstract but this should help you really give value to everyone you come across even the extreme edge cases (highly emotional/passive people and the overly confident/alpha people)

Edited July 10, 2018 by Truth

[Nahm]

On 7/9/2018 at 3:03 AM, Beard said:

So my girlfriend is fussing about her period which im sure is one of the worst feelings a person can go through, but she said "Sorry it's just the period talking. theres not much I can do" I was going to reply by saying that is an excuse to go back to old habits, but I honestly do not know how much a period actually impacts the way one thinks. I refrained for reasons of ignorance but was wondering if any of you had any thoughts?

When you’re fine with whatever mood she’s in (genuinely fine), she’ll start to realize she is the one missing out, feeling less than she could be. If you’re involved mood wise, helping, justifying...she won’t. Careful not to perpetuate victimization. Don’t repeat any of this to her, we don’t want you getting murdered.