Retroactive Jealousy

[sabaci5]

Hi everyone,

First and foremost, I want to mention that I’ve been watching Leo’s videos for a few months now and am fascinated by his various topics and they have certainly helped me in becoming a more understanding and level-headed person. 

This is also my first time posting on this forum, so hi!

ok, to the issue at hand. Just some background, I recently got engaged and soon after had “the talk” with my fiancé about our pasts and my mind went into a downward spiral of negative thoughts, causing anxiety, sleepless nights, and questioning my compatibility with her for a marriage/future. I have had several sexual partners, and she only had one, where she told me they didn’t go “all the way” so I shouldn’t be having these feelings at all. Perhaps my original perception of her, or my (extremely) rigid belief system caused me to feel bad even for this minor stuff.

Then I discovered Leo’s videos on YouTube. And wow, I feel much better about everything. His videos made me realize how much self-sabotage, judgement, and my ego were causing all the negativity and anxiety. Meditation has seemed to help as well. And I feel so much better waking up in the morning than I used to just a month ago and can go about my day much better than before. Before we had the talk, I truly fell in love with her, so I know that the past shouldn’t make a difference on how I feel about her. Consciously, I know this. Subconsciously, it was a different story. Using my awareness, I can literally pinpoint when the jealous or anxious feelings come up. 

I know she’s worth it, worth marrying, worth being with. From time to time, these feelings still come up. Just looking for any guidance on how I can better myself further to erase these feelings once and for all (if possible).

Thanks for reading. 

[Bill Eichman]

My advice on this might go over like a lead balloon. But it is based on many years of long lasting relationships, two marriages, the second lasting 30 years and still a treasure, more long term relatoionships, and dealing with my own jealousies, and helping others with theirs.

This especially applies to your situation, since, as you say, you had a rigid upbringing.

Here's the advice. Make a point of studying sex and women, especially how to send the signals that turn a woman on. And deliberately bring your sexual studies to bed with your new wife, and have steadily hotter sex with her over the next months and years.

You will bond her sexually to you. You will write over the rigidity of your upbringing, which is likely to be fairly sex-negative and repressed, with direct body knowledge of who you are, what you have done, and what you can do. And you will build your own sexual confidence and sense of sexual manhood. 

Write a new positive sexual story between the two of you.

[sabaci5]

Thanks very much!