Trip report: 30 grams of wet psilocybine truffels

[Mart]

Yesterday afternoon i took 30 grams of wet psilocybine truffels. In Holland you can buy them at the smartshops so this was my psychedelic of choice since i can't get other quality psychedelics at the moment. The truffels were the strongest kind, Mushmagic Valhalla. They come in 15 gram packages so i broke the rules and took double the recommended maximum dose.

I am 19 years old and was introduced to spirituality at around the age of 16, that's when i started to practice semen retention and daily meditation, which really got the ball rolling. Through Actualized.org i found out about most of this stuff. After the video 'the importance of real yoga' came online, i ordered the J.C. Stevens book and got started right away (will also write about this experience in a separate post but i thought it was worth mentioning). 

I took psychedelics about 7 times before, 2 truffels trips and 5 LSD trips. This was the first trip i did without any distractions, i tried to contemplate or just be present the whole time (previous trips were just for fun experiences even though my first LSD trip was quite the spiritual experience if i look back at it now) . I tried to induce the same experience i had whilst doing a meditation session last week. In that meditation session i tried to focus in a different way than i usually do, the idea was to notice the present like you notice yourself talking while you are fully aware of yourself talking, i saw this example in a video and it really worked because after 20 minutes it just hit me that i actually am a nothing that exists in a way, kind of the opposite of all the physical stuff i experience, i'm not my thoughts or this person, i'm just consciousness. Every experience happens within me in a way (estimated pulse was about 180 at the time :p). 

After a 6,5 hour fast i put the truffels in the blender with lemon- and orange-juice, let it soak for about 15 minutes and drank it whilst listening to a guided meditation as a way of getting myself to let go and surrender to the experience. After finishing the lemontek i took place in the garden and waited for takeoff. 10 minutes after ingestion it started kicking in and about an hour after it peaked. 

The experience started as fun because i felt my body i a really intense way and the visuals were pretty intense. Soon after i got into a really serious mood and thoughts started going very very fast. I already knew the psilocybine experience is like being in the back of the car instead of driving it and this experience proved this once more. It wasn't like i could really choose where i was going, it was more like what needs to be worked on first came up.

The main thing that kept coming up is that i need more concrete future plans. I am starting a bachelor of applied psychology in september and want to get into the self actualization field, guiding people in the process and sharing the knowledge. I always have trusted myself in that i will find a way to do this and get an income out of it, but whilst tripping this didn't seam realistic and i really really had to come up with a more concrete plan in order to be able to sustain myself in the future. The second biggest thing that came up is that i have to work harder on putting all this theory intro practice. I also thought that it's kind of stupid to be so involved into all this super advanced stuff that Leo has been talking about recently without having even mastered stage orange. I also got various insights about the ways in which i am being a total asshole. To sum the whole experience up: it was one of the biggest slaps in the face ever, it really showed me where i'm actually at. 

There are actually a lot more insights and things to learn from this trip, but keep in mind that it was just yesterday and that the trips was quite strong. I struggled with a lot of things but at the same time it was really hard to make sense of because i couldn't really think in proper sentences so to speak. I was actually quite amazed at how well i handled the experience, i was just able to let it wash over and kind of remain optimistic.  

I also wanted to share that i also kept in mind that it was very likely that it would turn out like this and that it wasn't fun at all. I restlessly paced around the house and through the garden for a good 4 hours pondering all these things extremely hard (this started halfway through the peak, the first past of the peak i laid down in various placed around the house, really getting sucked in and can't really remember what i thought at the time). So keep in mind that it can really suck and make you feel very depressed for a good chunk of time. 

 

Things i remembered later on:
- There were a lot of emotions just coming up and that i just wanted to cry certain things out but i didn't manage to do so
- I really saw in how many ways i was wrong and that i can't really judge people because everyone holds truth and i right in a way
- In the previous two trips i was already a bit further in this work and was practicing semen retention really hard, in both those trips i kind of got into the same "bad" mood, except this time i didn't distract myself

 

Feel free to give some feedback or share about your own experience. 

Edited July 8, 2018 by Mart