Murk

[Torch]

I'm going to write into this journal on a daily basis to keep myself accountable on meditating and doing yoga. Around the same time last year, I stumbled across Leo's channel and started to learn about self actualization and enlightenment. I've learned a lot but because of my lack of discipline I haven't been able to put much of what he was saying into practice. I've been meditating on and off for several months but haven't been able to do it daily for more than a few months. In order to be much more consistent and be more productive I will keep this daily journal to hold myself accountable on doing meditation and kriya yoga daily. I will exercise, read books from Leo's booklist, and do other things that will help me self improve but I want meditation and yoga to be the bare minimum that I do daily so that I'm not overwelmed if my life gets too busy. I hate all the time I wasted so far backsliding and feeling miserable knowing I could be more productive and this is my newest attempt to self improve since most of my other attempts completely failed due to me being addicted to social media, entertainment, and porn. Trying to self improve for me feels like trying to crawl out of quicksand. It's not that hard to learn the theory but putting them into practice in the long term and being patient with results is way harder. Hopefully this attempt isn't yet another failure. If I stop updating this journal it's because either I feel I've outgrown it or I've stopped caring.

Daily requirement:

Kriya yoga

At least 20 minutes of meditation

[Torch]

Day 1

20 min. of meditation

11 min. of yoga

Only thing keeping me awake at some point in the meditation session was the various itches that popped up all over my body. Some were almost unbearable.

[Torch]

Day 2 (yesterday)

20 min. of meditation

Yoga

My inability to stay awake kept kicking my ass making meditation and yoga damn near impossible which is why i fell asleep right afterwards and had to write this just now 

[Torch]

Day 3

20 minutes of meditation

Around 11 minutes of yoga

My sleepiness was so bad that I had to keep interrupting my meditation just to stay awake. After an hour of unintentionally sleeping, I had to force myself to do yoga but this time it was itchiness that almost made me stop.

[d0ornokey]

Keep it up!!! Don't lose the discipline!!

by the way, you will have easier days, hardish days, and SUPER hard days. On SUPER hard days, it's crucial you stick to your habits. Because it's those days that your will is tested. 

Edited July 7, 2018 by d0ornokey

[Azote]

@Torch Do you meditate right before going to bed? 

[Torch]

22 hours ago, d0ornokey said:

Keep it up!!! Don't lose the discipline!!

by the way, you will have easier days, hardish days, and SUPER hard days. On SUPER hard days, it's crucial you stick to your habits. Because it's those days that your will is tested. 

Thanks, I'll try.

 

18 hours ago, Azote said:

@Torch Do you meditate right before going to bed? 

Yeah, I do

[Torch]

Day 4 (yesterday)

20 min. of meditation

Around 11 min. of yoga 

This time it was a stomach pain combined with sleepiness and itchiness screwing up my meditation session. Yoga session went much better tho 

[Torch]

Day 5

20 min. of meditation 

Around 11 min. of yoga 

Probably the smoothest meditation and yoga session since writing in this journal. Barely any itchiness or sleepiness, although my legs were in pain. Probably had something to do with the 2 hour nap from earlier. Had a lot of monkey mind though.

[Torch]

Day 6 (yesterday) 

20 min. of meditation 

11 min. of yoga

This was probably the worst meditation session I had in a while. Complete monkey mind and sleepiness made it impossible to clear my mind for at least a few seconds. Yoga session went fine enough tho.

[Torch]

Day 7 (yesterday)

20 min. of meditation 

Around 11 min. of yoga

Had a lot of monkey mind and  itchiness during meditation. Yoga session went better except for the concentration part.

[Torch]

Day 8 (yesterday)

20 min. of meditation

11 min. of yoga 

My meditation session was full of monkey mind and sleepiness. The pain in my hips got to the point where I had to do yoga in corpse pose. 

[Torch]

Day 9

20 min. of meditation 

Around 11 min. of yoga

My meditation session was full of sleepiness and itchiness as usual but also the pain in my hips started to get intense to the point where I had to do yoga in corpse pose again even after all the stretching I did.

[Torch]

Day 10 (yesterday)

20 min. meditation 

11 min. yoga

The usual monkey mind, sleepiness, and itchiness happened but at least I didn't have to do corpse pose this time.

[Torch]

Day 11

1 hour and 50 minutes total of meditation

Around 9 minutes of yoga

That one hour and 50 minutes of meditation are 2 sessions of 35 minutes and one session of 40 minutes. The first session took place in the morning and the other in the afternoon and were interrupted by family and my leg pain but they still went a lot smoother than my usual sessions at night. The third session at night was full of monkey mind and sleepiness and I probably fell asleep at some point. 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Torch

[Torch]

Day 12 (yesterday)

20 min. of meditation 

Around 9 min. of yoga

Throughout the day I gave in to the temptation of watching youtube and being on social media for hours and hours so because of that, it was very hard to sit and start to meditate and then keep at it for a full 20 minutes. The meditation session ended up being full of monkey mind and distraction. The yoga session went along better except for the concentration part since I'm still bad at it.

[Torch]

Fail

I unintentionally fell asleep at 8:40 pm and woke up at 4:00 am which means I didn't get to meditate or do yoga since I usually do that at 10. I had to prepare to go to work after waking up so I couldn't meditate even after waking up.

[Torch]

Double fail

I unintentionally fell asleep at around 9 and woke up in time for work meaning I couldn't do meditation or yoga. I thought yesterday was a one time thing but now I should probably do meditation and yoga first thing after coming home.

[Torch]

Triple fail

I got six minutes into meditation but stopped to lay down because of back pain but then quickly fell asleep and before I knew it, I woke up in time for work.

[Torch]

Half fail

I got 20 minutes of meditation done but then gave in to the temptation of watching youtube and watching porn for hours and then fell asleep before I got to do yoga.