Interating with friends and other people

[Salvijus]

A little story and a solution to all relationship problems

I used to struggle with every relationship, always being out of words and being awkward and uncomfortable all the time with other people, not knowing what to say.

So I was looking for an answer to this problem. How do I become like one of those people who always talk and joke around and just always have things to say.

I went to the therapist regarding this problem and she asked me. 

How do you feel? Well I'm good I answer. She said. Nono how do you Really feel. Like say a concrete feeling or emotion. Saying good or bad means nothing mostly. So I was sitting there trying to give her the answer for 2minutes but what felt like 2hours and finnaly I came up with a vague answer. And she would haunt me with this question every time we met. 

And later I realized that this is the whole problem to my relationships. When I can't even say how am I feeling. How will I be able to have a good conversation with somebody? Afterall, conversations are just an expression of emotions and feelings. So I realized that if I want to be more fluid in all situations, always have something to say, be expressive, I need to learn to recognize emotions. In other words, Increasing my awereness of my feelings. Knowing your feelings greatly enchances how you can respond to different situations. 

It's like a musician trying to play what's in his head on the instrument but he fails to find the right notes because he has bad ears. That's way many people can't express themself because they have bad awereness of their feelings.

So I started this question everywhere I go I'd be asking how do I feel right now? How do I feel right now? And it's much much harder then you think.

So just a quick test for you.

How do you feel right now? Saying good bad and normal means nothing.

See how long it will take you to answer this.

If you fail to answer it then this question could be your practice and an answer to all the problems you have interating with people.

Once you're able to tell effortlessly how you feel. You will see your interations with people will be on a whole different level. You'll be like a jazz musician but in conversations. They can play whatever is in their head spontaniously 

Peace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 4, 2018 by Salvijus

[aurum]

@Salvijus

It's important for any guys reading this to know that no, this does not make you a pussy.

When I think of the coolest guys I know, they're not stoic, emotionless robots. Don't confuse emotional suppression with emotional control. That's the big mistake I see.

Understand that most people are conditioned that it's not okay to feel. We have massive amounts of emotional suppression going on because that's a coping mechanism most of us develop at a young age.

Something painful happening at home while growing up? Lock it away and don't let anybody see.

A large part of this work really just comes down to learning to let yourself feel again.

[Salvijus]

What?! A pussy?!  Lol. Such a thought never ever would've entered my mind

Give these people some respect I think this forum is evolved enough to see the value of high emotional awereness.

Edited July 5, 2018 by Salvijus

[Guest Quanty]

I've been in a similar situation in my teenage years. 

I have discovered my breath, my feelings, and now is natural to socialize. All it takes is let go of the expectations, personalities you shoot for. Encounter yourself and great things will happen.