Why the fuck do I want a girlfriend

[B_Naz]

Been about 2 weeks of self-enquiry on this topic and I've seen some insights. But ultimately, there is no clear answer within me. Is it coz I'm just out there to fuck? Is it because I'm lonely and need some social interactions? Is it because when I go outside, I look at asses? Do I need somebody to talk to? It's stating to get frustrating because I'm constantly reminded.

Any suggestions on why relationships (sexual) are wanted? Like, what could be the most common reason for me wanting a girlfriend?

[SFRL]

@B_Naz if that was a multiple choice I would definitely have gone with: Because when I go outside I look at asses.

Edited July 4, 2018 by SFRL

[B_Naz]

@SFRL Really? Is this just a horny motive? Because that is definitely true. Most of the time, I'm inside but when I do go out, I look at women and that's where sadness/loneliness comes in. But that's the thing... Why does loneliness comes in?

I feel like I can give so much love to a woman, but why the do I want to? Why do I want to talk to a girl, and do everything for her? This is where the dilemna is coming from.

I can just masturbate and the hornyness is gone, but this is a different feeling. It's mainly feelings of lonely

[SFRL]

@B_Naz have you had a girlfriend before?

[B_Naz]

10 minutes ago, SFRL said:

@B_Naz have you had a girlfriend before?

Yep, and only one girlfriend ever. See, I never really felt like I needed a girlfriend, but NOW, it's on another level. These past weeks I have gone crazy over wanting a girlfriend but this "need" has been going on for about a year now.

My Ex coming back would be amazing. She was actually great, and I was a prick, so she broke up with me. 

Edited July 4, 2018 by B_Naz

[SFRL]

@B_Naz maybe you have grown to a certain level where you feel like it would be nice to share with another person? It is normal for people once they reach a certain point in there life where things are going well they want to share it with someone else. 

How is your life going generally, pretty good? 

Your ex ain't coming back though. And honestly was she really that great 100% of the time? There might be a better girl out there for you. I am pretty sure there is. 

[B_Naz]

@SFRL Oh yeah, you'e 100% right, she isn't coming back but I'm not too bothered by that anymore. I've been down that road but I can say that she's gone and i've completly accepted. 

This really does sound like me. My life is going pretty well I guess, I'm starting to understand myself a lot more, getting confident, and seeing places. So you'e right... I want to share and just love. 

So what do you think I should do right now? I guess this is something I need to pursue and explore. 

[NoSelfSelf]

I have the same "problem" as you, i didnt find having a gf a big deal now its like you said on another level i think we crave deep meaningful intimate connection not just sex but all of the craziness that it brings but on the other hand why put yourself in that situation?

[B_Naz]

@NoSelfSelf Yeah, I don't see why I want to or put myself in a relationship, but there's just this deep connection I need to express, this deep love. I guess this must be it, just as you said, it's meaningful intimate connection that I need.

I guess I can't ignore this. I can't resist this. I just need to face it?

[NoSelfSelf]

@B_Naz hmm thats hard queastion to answer i dont know whats happening exactly but you will know best when your need becomes want need is when you try to fill some hole inside yourself with something want is when you are full but want to give back or something...

[B_Naz]

@NoSelfSelf It must be the giving back. I think I just want to give back and make somebody happy. To love somebody, and to help. This must be it really, there isn't any other direction that this can lead to. I'll do some more enquiry on this insight

and as you said, it's something I need  to figure out but this was very useful. Shows the direction I need to go

Edited July 4, 2018 by B_Naz

[SFRL]

7 hours ago, B_Naz said:

@SFRL Oh yeah, you'e 100% right, she isn't coming back but I'm not too bothered by that anymore. I've been down that road but I can say that she's gone and i've completly accepted. 

This really does sound like me. My life is going pretty well I guess, I'm starting to understand myself a lot more, getting confident, and seeing places. So you'e right... I want to share and just love. 

So what do you think I should do right now? I guess this is something I need to pursue and explore. 

The most straight shot answer is get involved in Pick-up and or online dating. 

The flip side on that that is that it can easily set you up for a streak of dysfunctional serial monogamous relationships. 

Not that there is necesairly anything wrong with that, but nothing can distract you from your purpose and excellence more then women. 

Recently I have bought into a new mindset: Pursue excellence not women. 

When you get really good at what you do you will see the effects in your life. You will have a great passionate life that draws in women. 

The only drawback is that to get to that level of excellence it takes years to get there. 

But ideally you find a girl just being out and about doing your thing and she is insanely attracted to you and you both have a great chemistry and understanding of each other. But that is very rare. But more likely when you are excellent at what you do. 

Things are not completely black and white though. Having experience dating several women until then can build you up to that moment. 

So short-term strategy would be go do pick-up and online dating. I guess it should be called a tactic then. For now.

Long term strategy is to pursue excellence not women. 

Edited July 5, 2018 by SFRL

[B_Naz]

1 minute ago, SFRL said:

The most straight shot answer is get involved in Pick-up and or online dating. 

The flip side on that that is that it can easily set you up for a streak of dysfunctional serial monogamous relationships. 

Not that there is necesairly anything wrong with that, but nothing can distract you from your purpose and excellence then women. 

Recently I have bought into a new mindset: Pursue excellence not women. 

When you get really good at what you do you will see the effects in your life. You will have a great passionate life that draws in women. 

The only drawback is that to get to that level of excellence it takes years to get there. 

But ideally you find a girl just being out and about doing your thing and she is insanely attracted to you and you both have a great chemistry and understanding of each other. But that is very rare. But more likely when you are excellent at what you do. 

Things are not completely black and white though. Having experience dating several women until then can build you up to that moment. 

So short-term strategy would be go do pick-up and online dating. I guess it should be called a tactic then. For now.

Long term strategy is to pursue excellence not women. 

I think I'm going to try and get that rare relationship. If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't ,it doesn't. Ultimately, I still have to go through this phase, so I might as well try my luck and find that special someone.

You are right in the long-term strategy. It's better for women to be attracted to me, rather than me trying to actually make them to attract me. I have to remind myself that excellence will happen and everything will eventually come. This is a nice insight. 

Nevertheless, I will just try and search for the rare relationship. Either way, I'm going to experience pain and I guess it's pain I need to experience.

thanks

[Icarus]

"I have to remind myself that excellence will happen and everything will eventually come. This is a nice insight."

Any evidence even anecdotal on this?@B_Naz

[SFRL]

@B_Naz @Icarus don't take that too lightly. 

Execelence doesn't just happen in time. It takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice. 

Find a career or hobby and excel in that. 

 

Edited July 7, 2018 by SFRL

[Truth]

On 7/4/2018 at 1:49 PM, B_Naz said:

Been about 2 weeks of self-enquiry on this topic and I've seen some insights. But ultimately, there is no clear answer within me. Is it coz I'm just out there to fuck? Is it because I'm lonely and need some social interactions? Is it because when I go outside, I look at asses? Do I need somebody to talk to? It's stating to get frustrating because I'm constantly reminded.

Any suggestions on why relationships (sexual) are wanted? Like, what could be the most common reason for me wanting a girlfriend?

Well, for one you wouldn't be asking this question if you mastered the skillset of getting women in your life.

You'd be thinking "I already know how to get women whenever I want, or to have a woman in my life. let's move onto something else."

But you don't have that skill and you feel conflicted about it. You don't need a girlfriend, but you want the ability/skillset to have a girlfriend if you so desire. 

You don't need her. You want the skill. 

 

 

Edited July 7, 2018 by Truth

[B_Naz]

@SFRL @Icarus I meant if I worked hard and sacrifice, it will eventually come.  A little bit of miscommunication  

[SFRL]

@B_Naz I thought you did get it. It was more to complete my own post. 

[B_Naz]

2 minutes ago, Truth said:

Well, for one you wouldn't be asking this question if you mastered the skillset of getting women in your life.

You'd be thinking "I already know how to get women whenever I want, or to have a woman in my life. let's move onto something else."

But you don't have that skill and you feel conflicted about it. You don't need a girlfriend, but you want the ability/skillset to have a girlfriend if you so desire. 

You don't want her. You want the skill. 

Holy shit... I didn't even think of this. This opened my eyes to other possibilities

@SFRL ahh ok   

[SgtPepper]

It's cause you want to connect with the opposite sex. Nothing wrong with that.