From Orange pickup to Green Authenticity

[Sick Boy]

In the two last years I went into green in relationships and my sex life suffered a lot. I just wanted to be open and thought that good relationships are about equality. Yes, there is an equality about the value of the people involved, but not about the equality of what they bring to the table.

Now I'm trying to step into yellow, being David Deida my main guide. One main component in relationships is openness, yes, but you can open yourself in different ways, and the way you have to open with a girl is embracing your masculine side. Relationships is not only about what you get, but also what you give, and as a guy you have a masculine gift that she wants, and of course, she has got her femenine gift which you want to wake up in her. A lot of what Pickup Gurus teach is useful, but I'll try to stick with what really feels authentic for me.

Looking in retrospective, this change was necessary because I was dating girls almost just for ego and validation, and after several years, this wasn't fullfilling me anymore.There's still a lot of orange in me and there is a part of me that wants that validation, but not as much as before.

Edited July 17, 2018 by Sick Boy

[Nexeternity]

@Sick Boy   That sounds awesome!

[Arkandeus]

On 7/7/2018 at 6:06 PM, Icarus said:

Nice. Are you talking from experience, or is it just stuff you come up with? Are you getting laid regularly with "green girls"?
 

Do you think the fundamentals of sexual attraction change because of some new world views? I doubt it. We are talking about Sex. Sex itself, like the essence of it, is for procreation and dark dark RED. 

"You will see some "ugly" musicians with beautiful girls or a wheelchair bound spiritual guy with a hottie. " - Probably yes. The Musician who is ugly is... well ... a musician (high status) so he will get girls despite his looks. The Wheelchair spiritual guy is... well... a spiritual guy, probably in a cultish setting - therefore -> Status. 

Sorry to disillusion you, but it's not that simply. It's also not about "becoming green" lol - Looks and genetics have and will probably always play MUCH OF A ROLE in mating because they ensure the survival of our species. 

If you and this other weirdo @Truth still don't comprehend what I'm talking about: You two green salad leaves, now that you're green and not as orange as @SFRL anymore, you now prefer 

 

Her

 

Over Her:

Don't you????  

 

We are looking for the truth here and not for some fluffy reality to escape into.

 

mate, girl number one could absolutely blow your mind, even more then girl number 2

what you see is a mix of vibration and physical body

girl number 2 has a conventionally attractive body and she has the feminine energy and well being that goes with it

girl number 1 has a face and skin that is considered less attractive by cultural means, on top of that she has a low vibration she is barely in her feminine well being, most probably because she is aware that she's further from convential attractiveness but she believes it limits her too

is it easier to be attractive with a physique more in tune with conventional attractiveness? yes, which in turn makes it easier to be comfortable in your energy and so on

this is earth level

 

now if we're talking spiritual consciousness and that girl number one, realizes she is not limited by her body, the body is for the spiritual energy merely a canvas through which it expresses itself, some canvasses seem to be harder to be attractive with, that is the earthly illusion, the spirit can make any body look insanely attractive,handicapped, skin diseases, anything can be overcome

we're talking about real spiritual energy, knowing one's own identity, and in this case real feminine energy, if girl number 1 accesses her source female energy she could look a universe, billions of galaxies different to what she looks now with the exact same body, no change done physically, you could instantly fall in love with her

the same with a woman with a obese body, believe it or not, you could be insanely attracted to an obese women if she displayed her feminine energy fully, that real pure innocent feminine energy, unimaginable,

this is said easily but for a woman to pull that off she'd had be very far in inner enlightenment

what you see is always a mix of physical body and light and energy, vibration

this is not an easy illusion to overcome I know

knowing that the buddha lived in an eternal present moment, and many of you who have done psychedelics, have you ever considered the attractiveness of your relation to time and space? 

there is infinitely more to attractiveness, keep your minds open!

thr

Edited July 18, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Arkandeus]

On 7/10/2018 at 3:19 PM, brovakhiin said:

 

It's becoming increasingly clear on this forum that everyone is pouting assumptions about spiral dynamics without having any deep understanding of it. You guys watch a few Actualized.org videos on Spiral Dynamics, get the gist of it and think you're now qualified to speak on the subject.

Understand that "orange=materialist, inauthentic, egoic" and "green=hippy, heart, authenticity" is an incredibly shallow understanding of spiral dynamics. It's the understanding of watching a few videos and getting the gist of it. It's simple and it's easy.

But anyone who has read stuff like Peter Ralston should know that the Self-Matrix and all it's drives are incredibly more complex than that. How do you know hippies are not actually still orange? Or even blue? With a value system that simply has different content, but the same structure? You don't, you're making assumptions based on what you feel, without having studied the matter deeply and applied all the criteria on a deep level.

Nonsense. I put myself at yellow and the alpha/beta distinction absolutely is a sensible one (on a spectrum, of course). Of course it's a matter of definition, and I get the sense your definitions are not very useful. What you go on to describe as "freely expressive, not giving a fuck" are some of the top alpha values, so it's no surprise they are surrounded by women. What the fuck you think being an alpha is, if not the ability and courage to express oneself freely and the self-security and independance to not need to care about others opinions??? If you think it's just some jacked up douchebro your definition is behind the times mate

how about we take the best quality of the alpha male, the freely expressing oneself and the best quality of the beta male, caring about others including their opinion?

a man does freely what he wants while still caring about others

a paradox?

enlightenment 

Edited July 18, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Sick Boy]

5 hours ago, Arkandeus said:

how about we take the best quality of the alpha male, the freely expressing oneself and the best quality of the beta male, caring about others including their opinion?

a man does freely what he wants while still caring about others

a paradox?

enlightenment 

Who said that an alpha male doesn't care about others? Bill Gates, Martin Luther King, Obama, Abraham Lincoln...

In fact, sometimes beta males are just people pleasers because they want to get something in return.

[Arkandeus]

6 hours ago, Sick Boy said:

Who said that an alpha male doesn't care about others? Bill Gates, Martin Luther King, Obama, Abraham Lincoln...

In fact, sometimes beta males are just people pleasers because they want to get something in return.

one cannot care about others truly by putting himself above others and in competition with his fellow men

the very people you mentioned probably never viewed themselves in any way or any concept that comes close to "alpha male"

everyone wants something in return, everyone wants to be free, there is no human being that says no to freedom or love, there is no alpha or beta for me, we all hold the same potential and are in this together

everyone is a reflection, you can only see what you are, so if you want to see weak men and a few strong men at the top you reflect your world view, you will be weak for the most of it

now if you can see the potential in every human being, the true worth, you will see "alpha" males everywhere, and that will reflect your own strength, a true alpha sees the alpha in everyone

a true leader is the one who can see everyone's real worth, everyone's strength, he does not lead because he is at better at everything, he leads because he sees the common truth, and he shares it, his behavior guides people to that truth, to their own power,its not about him, its about everyone, the leader shines truth,  its only natural to go out when the sun is shining

you would follow anyone that genuinely  believes more in yourself, in your own potential, happiness and growth then you do currently, because its  not about following anyone, its about following yourself

life is not a horizontal competition where you constantly check if you are stronger then your fellow men, its a vertical evolution, where you actively want to make your fellow men as strong as possible, because his strength is yours, and vice versa,

 

Edited July 19, 2018 by Arkandeus

[LoNatural]

Doing good things and quitting the compulsive grinding is really healthy and good for everybody. Just don´t expect girls to "compensate" you sexually for it, attraction is not negotiable.

[Nexeternity]

@Feel Good  I think the same!!  

[brugluiz]

Have you ever read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida? It seems to help men to move from green to yellow.

[Lynnel]

On 03/07/2018 at 2:05 AM, Nexeternity said:

Hey!!  I needed to make this post because I finally made the journey from orange to green in relationships and its really really good.

I was very insecure growing up and got super into pickup.  It worked but I was never able to build a truly authentic relationship without manipulations from both sides.

When I decided to go green, to always tell the truth, to be nice, to not hide my fears, neediness, and insecurities from people. 

I've been thinking about this a lot.

The main problem is : being truthful and honest is a complete lie and is totaly idealistic AND at the same time it contradicts green heavily. This is why for instance green has non-violent communication, freedom of speech and political correctness, elements which are STRICTO SENSU manipulation and lying. Nonetheless they are NOT a problem in themselves because their agenda is to make everyone feel included, etc and act according to green values.

On 07/07/2018 at 11:03 AM, Nexeternity said:

Yes!  Except its not pickup anymore hehe.  

Throw away the seduction, throw away the games, the sexy looks lol.  Not to say you cant play or be sexy but you are not trying to do it, if it happens it happens.

Its like... you know how you can share coffee or an icecream, or an afternoon at the park with a friend?  Its like if you could also share your sexuality, or your body with a girl.  With no weirdness, no shame, no lies...  just being open with people and eventually matching up, two people being attracted to each other as they are, imperfect, normal, innocently, happily celebrating life together.

I know it sounds like some fantasy, some ideal scenario disconnected from reality but... its possible, its something that can be constructed little by little between all of us heh.

Socializing in itself is based to some extent on lying/manipulation - you're always doing something, there is always some structure. It is a learned behaviour no matter the labels you put on it. I mean you're simply saying oh well it's just MAGIC. But I'm just SHARING. You've dropped industrial grade manipulation YES and it's amazing but don't go arround saying you do NOTHING and it's just magic and fantastic like orange never ever existed and there is only love and everything works out.

You simply went from orange pickup manipulation which is do X to obtain Y result, to "green" behaviour of "telling the truth,etc.".  It's a upgrade in the sense as Aurum stated it's discovering authenticity. Nonetheless, if you're telling the truth, show your fears, insecurities it makes for a WORSE experience for the girl than if you were subtle. At no point you were considering what is the experience of the girl in front of you, it's simply you doing something differently.

A truly green approach will consider what would be the best experience I can give the girl and ME (us in short because you wanna include everyone in green  since she won't have a good experience if you're not having a good experience) which comes down to being sometimes extremely subtle. Girls are not gonna be comfortable with your neediness and anxieties, that's your issues to solve.

 

[Lynnel]

4 hours ago, Caterpillar said:

I wonder what beige pickup looks like

Hit the female with a club and drag her into the cave.

[Truth]

 

1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

Hit the female with a club and drag her into the cave.

[Lynnel]

@Nexeternity

In the light of my recent experiences I came to reconsider my opinion on the subject.

I've had a mushroom experience where I was basically becoming different women having sex with myself realizing it was completely normal and the best thing you can offer a girl is yourself aka your body and in the same way you desire them for sex they also desire you for it and it's a completely normal and non-sacred process. Big mushroom orgy followed.

Anyways I realized there was a huge lack of authenticity like having sex for self-esteem and not simply sharing and a lot of BLUE conditionning related to sex and relationship with the whole virgin, sex is sacred and the orange sex and sexuality is a merchandise thing.

Sex has been overly conceptualized and overly polluted by immense egoic agenda and we are still very very respressed (at a personnal level and for sure as a society) in terms of sex and relationships.

While I still do believe some concepts of attraction apply (I'm still figuring this out bear with me xD)  it is a great idea to leave needless conceptualisation and deep rooted conditioning behind.

And you never realize how deep the conditionning goes nor how wrong you can often be until you get a fresh perspective.

I mean relationships at blue/orange lack authenticity and intimacy so much I'm amazed they're even called relationships.