Crisis - please help!!

[Guest]

Hi everyone,

I hope you can give me some input on a crisis I find myself in.

Over the last year I have been pursuing enlightenment with increasing intensity. It has ended up being the singular purpose of my life and other parts of my life have dropped away (social life, creative pursuits, etc). Following a brief period of kriya yoga, my kundalini awakened in mid-May and since then kundalini craziness has ensued.

I was feeling an intuitive pull towards celibacy, particularly after my kundalini awakened, which has led to the end of my relationship - the most wonderful thing in my life, just perfect. Now that’s ended I am finding myself in a very scary place. I have emptied my life so much, so fast, that it seems completely meaningless. I’m absolutely heartbroken from my breakup. Everything I used to enjoy is gone and I am completely alone (except my family, who are very supportive). I’ve had suicidal thoughts.

It’s been too fast, too dramatic, too intense. I want to take my foot off the pedal a bit, and am considering trying to patch things back up with my girl and take it easy on the monasticism and practices (while still embracing the kundalini awakening, of course). At the same time I don’t want to fuck up my opportunity for awakening. Has anyone got any advice for me?

[Leo Gura]

Yeah, I've been there. I feel ya. Especially the breakups are hard.

It's important, when do this work, that you don't make major life decisions too rashly.

If you had a good relationship, then I don't really see a point in breaking it up unless you are just not interested in that any more and want to go 100% solo.

Of course it will be hard going full-Buddha. Much harder than most people realize.

Expect major ego backlash. Fast, dramatic, and intense is what you're signing up for when you go full-Buddha.

It's not necessary to go full-Buddha. But maybe for you it's the right move. Only you can know what you're capable of.

[Sage_Elias]

4 minutes ago, Stretch said:

It’s been too fast, too dramatic, too intense. I want to take my foot off the pedal a bit, and am considering trying to patch things back up with my girl and take it easy on the monasticism and practices (while still embracing the kundalini awakening, of course). At the same time I don’t want to fuck up my opportunity for awakening. Has anyone got any advice for me?

lol you already know what to do

[Nahm]

[WindInTheLeaf]

35 minutes ago, Stretch said:

Hi everyone,

I hope you can give me some input on a crisis I find myself in.

Over the last year I have been pursuing enlightenment with increasing intensity. It has ended up being the singular purpose of my life and other parts of my life have dropped away (social life, creative pursuits, etc). Following a brief period of kriya yoga, my kundalini awakened in mid-May and since then kundalini craziness has ensued.

I was feeling an intuitive pull towards celibacy, particularly after my kundalini awakened, which has led to the end of my relationship - the most wonderful thing in my life, just perfect. Now that’s ended I am finding myself in a very scary place. I have emptied my life so much, so fast, that it seems completely meaningless. I’m absolutely heartbroken from my breakup. Everything I used to enjoy is gone and I am completely alone (except my family, who are very supportive). I’ve had suicidal thoughts.

It’s been too fast, too dramatic, too intense. I want to take my foot off the pedal a bit, and am considering trying to patch things back up with my girl and take it easy on the monasticism and practices (while still embracing the kundalini awakening, of course). At the same time I don’t want to fuck up my opportunity for awakening. Has anyone got any advice for me?

What crisis? Family is part of your world, so perhaps the question is if your girl is part of your family?

[Arkandeus]

this is happening it is fine, it is allright

this moment is fine, its happening because it is allowed to happen to you

this will make sense

[Guest]

@Sage_Elias Not really! I'm worried if I ignore my intuition for celibacy I might waste my kundalini awakening, you only get one shot at kundalini and I have read that it can actually be aborted by having depleted sexual energy. On the other hand, this is all happening too fast and I want to slow down.

@Nahm I don't get it... 

@WindInTheLeaf The crisis I'm referring to is a combination of premature kundalini awakening and nihilistic/ suicidal thoughts. By 'family' I was referring to my parents and brother.

@Arkandeus That isn't helpful. I need advice I can use.

@Leo Gura Thanks for your advice, I will think about it.

[WindInTheLeaf]

58 minutes ago, Stretch said:

@Sage_Elias Not really! I'm worried if I ignore my intuition for celibacy I might waste my kundalini awakening, you only get one shot at kundalini and I have read that it can actually be aborted by having depleted sexual energy. On the other hand, this is all happening too fast and I want to slow down.

@Nahm I don't get it... 

@WindInTheLeaf The crisis I'm referring to is a combination of premature kundalini awakening and nihilistic/ suicidal thoughts. By 'family' I was referring to my parents and brother.

@Arkandeus That isn't helpful. I need advice I can use.

@Leo Gura Thanks for your advice, I will think about it.

Do you want her as part of your family? Things happen at their time in my experience. Why do you think it was a premature kundalini awakening, and that what you are now is somehow not right, somehow caught between enlightenment and the world, and that you surrender one for the other when you in actuality attain both by surrendering to yourself.

[Nahm]

@Stretch Hang in there buddy, it’ll get a lot better. If it were me, I’d get the girl I love back. I’ve never seen love as a barrier to discovering Love. (Sex either).  

[Guest]

Thanks guys you've been a great help. I definitely don't want to give her up. I was seeing it as a test of my commitment to truth but I'm not sure if I mistook a reckless spiritual ambitiousness for intuition. I even wonder if unwanted circumstances in my life (young daughter living overseas, trapped in unhappy career) have pushed me towards extreme lifestyle choices. Either way, it feels dangerous to be going in so hard right now. I've been researching kundalini+celibacy today and it really is a truly extreme path that requires more preparation and safety nets than I have. I'm going to try and work it out with her, I've decided. I just really hope I haven't fucked it up. @Nahm I resonate with what you said, and it's reminded me that the one thing I have always trusted more than anything is love. Thanks again.

[Recursoinominado]

Look, i feel you, i am going through the same stuff, including a recent break up (i was yesterday), you don't have to go "full-Buddha", listen to your intuition, take a break if things are getting too intense, you don't have to sprint your way to enlightenment, you literally have an eternity to do it (but i am not suggesting that you let go of your pursue, i am just saying that you don't have an obligation to do it as fast as you can. After my kundalini awakening began, my life turned upside down, i am a completely different person, all my illusions are showing up(from the "shadow") and losing their appeal on me on a daily basis. I read a lot about this kundalini process (including the book on Leo's list which i highly recommend) and as far as i know, you can't stop this process, if it has begun, you are going to have a wild ride as the kundalini energy will work rapidly on all your energy centers (chakras) and show you all your blind spots, weakness, things that you haven't dealt with yet, there is no place to hide, you are on an elevator to heaven my friend. This will not be a pleasant process but you don't have to make it harder then it needs to be, take your time. Your intuition is your best friend for now on, learn to listen to the messages that the Universe/Existence/God are trying to send to you. The most important tip i have for you is DON'T RESIST IT, EMBRACE CHANGE, you will be surprised on how easier it will be if you go with the flow. As the situation with your GF, you should have noticed already that you will be continuously vetting people out of your life that is not conducive to your highest spiritual development, you will drop people like hit potatoes, especially if they aren't in the same path as you. This is a special lonely path (not without a reason, you have to learn to be alone), most people don't give a fuck about spirituality, not to mention enlightenment. BUT, as i said, if you feel (intuition) that you have unfinished business with your GF, by all means, go for it, even if it is for you to later realize that you two aren't really compatible anymore. I myself broke up with my GF several times and the time i most suffered was when i didn't listen to my intuition and fought the divine flow saying to me to get back to her while my proud said that i had to be single and when i finally give up, we got back together only to later realize that i learned everything that i had to learn with that relationship and our business (soul contract) had ended. Its like a drug addiction, if you simply fight with it, you will most likely lose 9 out of 10 times, but if you remain aware and conscious, observing yourself and your mental processes, the addiction will inevitable loose it effect on you and you will suddenly find out that you are simply not interested in this particular drug that you were once addicted. 

Another crucial tip: learn to love and accept yourself unconditionally, don't be hard on yourself, if most people were on your place, they would freak out, get depressed, use drugs (including pharmaceutical drugs), place themselves on a victim standpoint while you are taking it like a fucking BOSS. 

OH, one more thing: you don't HAVE to practice celibacy if you aren't prepared for it, don't make it harder that it needs to be, i also thought  i had to retain my semen (vital force) to advance in my spiritual path, i practiced NoFap for 6 months until i read about it in the book i recommend you to read on Leos List that in a crisis, sometimes is better to masturbate and calm those energies a little in order to function like a normal human been. Now i Fap whenever i feel (yes, to porn, shaaaameful dirty porn lol)that i need to discharge some energy and it calms me down a lot. I also naturally lost interest in sex, i simply didn't see the point of it anymore, while a few months ago i had was having sex whenever i had a chance. Follow your intuition.

 

Edited July 3, 2018 by Recursoinominado

[Matt8800]

@Stretch In Yoga, its called Kundalini Awakening. In Theravada Buddhism, its called the Arising and Passing. After Arising and Passing, the "Dark Night" phase inevitably comes. In Yoga, they acknowledge that a difficult time can come after a Kundalini Awakening.

Here is a detailed explanation of the characteristics of the Dark Night phase - https://alohadharma.com/2011/06/12/the-dark-night/

Daniel Ingram does a great job in his book Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha of explaining how to transition out of this phase and into the next one. Many people get stuck there for many years or their whole life.

[Matt8800]

14 hours ago, Stretch said:

@Sage_Elias Not really! I'm worried if I ignore my intuition for celibacy I might waste my kundalini awakening, you only get one shot at kundalini and I have read that it can actually be aborted by having depleted sexual energy. On the other hand, this is all happening too fast and I want to slow down.

 

@StretchMany traditions say a lot of different things. That doesnt mean its true. There is no reason to believe that celibacy is required in all instances of enlightenment. If you believe the dogma that has evolved over thousands of years, you'll end up chasing your tail. 

As Lahiri said, "follow your own inner guru to know whats true".

Edited July 3, 2018 by Matt8800

[Guest]

@Etagnwo Wow, that's a hell of a way to talk to someone who's just told you they're having suicidal thoughts. Maybe don't get a job with the Samaritans.

@Recursoinominado Thanks dude. You're right, there's no need to sprint, and for me I think it's time to slow down. I've read that book, it has been very helpful. My kundalini symptoms seem to have disappeared in the last couple of days which confirms something I read in that book about kundalini giving you a break when you need it.

@Matt8800 Yeah, I've been trying to follow my intuition but I'm not sure if I've been reading it correctly. I find recognizing my intuition difficult, it's not something that comes naturally to me. Right now I seem to be feeling the opposite of what I thought I was a week ago regards celibacy. In any case, I'm not comfortable with where all this has brought me right now and I feel I need to slow down.

[Brent]

23 hours ago, Stretch said:

Over the last year I have been pursuing enlightenment with increasing intensity

Dear Stretch, you asked so I'll give it to you straight, 

One think you are running towards something, but the fact is you are merely seeking to avoid what you fear the most. The true Spiritual path is not up but down, its not trying to become something but allowing yourself to become nothing. And I am not talking about the switcheroo of self deception where one pretends to be nothing so that the ego, the very subtle ego, is still hoping to be something. (Something and nothing often having to do with significance) The Universe is a big place, the more you see of it the smaller you feel and the more you will seek to compensate.

There was a monk who unlike the other monks never snuck out over the walls at night to visit the ladies in town, he was absolutely sincere in wanting to attain his first samadhi, there was a very holy week coming up and so he decided he would remain upon the top of a tower at the temple fasting and meditating and so he did, but the week went by, and he found himself as he was and decided why bother, and so he slowly lifted his leg over the railing so as to end his life. He did not jump, there was no hurry, his mind did not obsess, he had simply let go of his ambition. It was at this point that he attained samadhi. This is a stage that cannot be faked, suicide is not even important in the story, he simply stopped thinking about himself.

Now here is a truth you need to swallow, a man can never possess what he HAS, he can only possess what we GIVES AWAY. If you give love, then you burn that fact into reality itself and nothing in the universe can contradict that, people can write books about how selfish you are, media can carry it across the world to where every human being actually believes you are selfish, and yet if you have given it, the universe will know and you will know. 

So in practical steps, start thinking about something nice you can do for another, you don't have to know the mysteries of the universe, rather allow yourself to be insignificant, be vulnerable, be broken, but be wise. 

Edited July 3, 2018 by Brent

[Recursoinominado]

18 minutes ago, Etagnwo said:

You haven't got the balls to do yourself in - otherwise you would have done it. But instead you chose to come into the forum to get advice. My advice is not really aimed at you, it's aimed at anyone who is thinking about making the same mistakes and wants a no bs opinion. 

You seem a little arrogant. Humility is the great virtue of the wise. 

[Ananta]

@Etagnwo I wish you'd stop being mean, just stop.

[Salvijus]

This could be a little hard to understand 

But this video from sadhguru is a perfect answer to your question. It's complete by itself.

There's a longer version of the same topic

 

Edited July 4, 2018 by Salvijus

[Guest]

@Brent Appreciate your 'giving it straight' approach. However, I think you may be projecting onto me. I said nothing about hoping to gain something with my search, in fact I didn't say anything about it except that I have been seeking truth intensely.

@Etagnwo No trolling please.

@Salvijus Those are good videos, thank you. There's a lot more to my crisis than simply processing a breakup tho. The main issue is I've dived into this business too hard without suitable supports in place. I've ended up emptying my life too much too fast, including things that brought me joy and didn't need to be renounced. I haven't been smart about it, basically. Anyone reading this at risk of a similar situation, learn from my mistakes and make sure you at least have a good quality local spiritual community to support you.