Awareness as an observer

[Cliffardo]

So today I decided to try my first serious self enquiry session, I have always questioned myself and reality and have experimented psychedelics so have some experience with this journey. I however have not taken any in over 8 months so this is a totally sober insight 

I had an interesting insight and experience which started with me questioning whether I was moving my hand voluntarily or whether I was observing the movement of my hand, sort of like I had an awareness it was happening but essentially it was just happening withthout my control. Obviously it would seem that my thoughts were controlling the hand, I was then lead to to think that was I voluntary thinking these thoughts, or were these thoughts again essentially happening without my control and I was just awareness observing them. I then had an experiance felt like thought and movement of the body were the were one with each other sort of in a dance and that my awareness was separate from these, just observing. Almost like everything that I do is just happening by itself and I am an observer. This even seems apparent with thoughtless motion, like the movements just happen and I'm just aware that there happening. I had a crazy sense of happiness that my awareness (which seems to be what the "I" is with my current experiance) was just watching the show of life in all its spectacle, with my mind and body as parts within the show. Not really sure what this experience was or if anyone has had something simalar? Think I need to delve deeper into what this awareness is, or maybe I'm just my awareness observing that my mind (that I kind of still identify with) is thinking that it needs to delve deeper into awareness. 

Hope this made sense! 

 

Edited July 1, 2018 by Cliffardo

[Telepresent]

Good work! Keep going! And don't be put off if each session doesn't reach similar results ☺