Self Inquiry: It Feels like Dying!

[cena655]

Hey,

I have been practising self inquiry for a month now. Surprisingly, after 5 days of daily pratictise I had my first small realization. This was the most amazing day of my life so far!

But in order to get there, I literally have to die every time on my self inquiry practice. During the practice I usually get  panic attacks immediately and it feels like as if somebody is trying to choke me. This is my bodys reaction to self inquiry. And of course I am very depressed and demotivated all the time. 

Do you people experience the same as well? I mean does your body react similarly?

Edited June 29, 2018 by cena655

[furashido]

Yes. I got panik attacks and my body started vibrating at a high rate. It's a special experience.

When i went through this, there was nowhere to turn and get information or guidance from. It was scary, because i had never heard of anyone ever talking about this and it totally collided with my view on life, existence and being a human. And yes, it truly feels like dying. A piece of you that you formerly identified with is now gone.

But back then, i was ready to die anyway so i welcomed it no matter what the outcome would have been or how frightning it was. The insights i was getting came at a rapid pace, so much that i couldn't even handle it all. But i couldn't do anything else or even stop it because it started happening everyday without any exertion, so everytime the panic came creeping up on me i buckled up for a ride. It's a magical experience to dive into the unknown. Enjoy and Keep going

Edited June 29, 2018 by furashido

[PsiloPutty]

I would welcome an existential crisis like that during self inquiry. To me, the uneducated guesser, it sounds like you're knocking on the door of a breakthrough if your mind and body are flipping out that much. Like some sort of potential of energy getting ready to shift. No idea though.

[Sempiternity]

From what I understand of Awakenings, that is a good sign. The goal is to die. The fear of dying is what is holding you back from truly and fully Awakening. True Enlightenment is holding the gun to your head and having the balls to pull the trigger, knowing that your body won't die, but you'll wake up from the hell you're living in and into heaven. But again, to get there you have to have the courage to kill yourself. But instead of a gun which is quick, it's a thousand times worse, as you are killing yourself (your Ego) layer by layer, little by little. So don't shy away from that feeling of dying, relish it. Learn to love it. In a way, become suicidal. Become giddy at the thought of finally killing yourself. Knowing on the other side of your Ego's death is your true Self, which is the deepest peace, love, gratitude, and contentment far beyond what you could ever imagine. It's by far worth the pain of 'dying'. 

[Leo Gura]

@cena655 Just notice that there's really nothing "bad" about it. Your mind is just over-reacting and going into hysterics.

Take a moment to calm yourself down. Trust the universe.

And enjoy being self-less.

Tell your body, "It's okay".

[Santhiphap]

@cena655  Check out the topic I posted just a week ago.  I asked for advice about that panic/anxieties and got so many wise answers.  It helped me a bit to calm my "subconscious" mind.  Hope you find something helpful in there.

 

Edited June 30, 2018 by Santhiphap

[Space]

@cena655 Clearly a sign it's working for you, just keep doing what you're doing. Count yourself exceptionally lucky that you've only had to do 5 days of practise before getting to this stage.