Ayahuasca Retreat Experience

[Gladius]

It's been 10 days since I attended a 2-Day Ayahuasca Retreat guided by Peruvian shamans. I'll share here the experience in case someone here is hesitating to do it. Please excuse my poor non-native english grammar.

I wasn't planning to do Ayahuasca, but it had been in the back of my mind for a while. I had two weeks of holidays after the retreat days, so it was a good opportunity for me to do it and digest the experience.

Two weeks prior the retreat, I started doing the vegetarian diet (99% of the time), and keeping alcohol and sex out of my life (that was easy, ehem...). That left me weak and ready for the plant to take control of my mind and my body.

Day 1: We were told not to eat anything after 10am.

At 12pm, everyone arrived at the retreat site. It was a group of about 20 people, most of them around 40 or 50.

At 15am we had to undergo a tobacco purge. That means drinking a glass of tobacco and MANY liters of water until puking. That was a really good preparation for what had to come in the evening. The purge cleans your body and even makes emerge some memories and emotions you might have blocked. After the purge ceremony, I went to my room to keep puking and rest a bit. Thank god I rented an individual room with my own cosy bathroom!

At 9pm we started the Ayahuasca ceremony. Two shamans and four assistants smoked each participant over the upper chakras. Then, the first dose was offered.

During the first half hour I almost didn't notice anything, but some people started experiencing some of the effects, like crying, laughing or puking. Meanwhile, the shamans were singing songs in different languages, playing instruments and assisting people who were having a more intensive trip. Then, I started laughing at the situation: Why was I doing something like that? I felt stupid and that made me laugh even more. That's when a second dose was offered to those who were still lucid. Since I was in a good mood, I drank a second glass. I lied down and waited. 

What happened next is the most difficult part to explain. I had never experienced something like that, not even close. I was immediately transported to a dimension where there was no time, no space, and no body. Just some colours, in differents shapes and sizes. I thought I had been fooled by the shamans, since I expected something like a medicine that would unblock some emotions, but it was so much more. I saw every person I had talked about this retreat and had told me to take care. I felt peaceful but scared at the same time. It felt like being literally dead. Then, something clicked. Everything made sense. I saw all my life in one second and learned that reality is this way because it can't be otherwise! It was a fantastic moment I'll (try to) not forget ever.

One of the songs of the shamans brought me back to earth. Honestly, after that huge realisation I was freaking out and I asked to get outside the room to take some fresh air, which I did. I spend a few minutes outside but it was even worse. The trees were roaring, the starts and every light was mixing, and the visual experience was even stronger than indoors. The shaman then went out to talk to me and let me know everything was OK, and that they were with me. I asked to eat some sugar and she said no. She just told me that what I was seeing was inside my heart, and that I could go back in if I wished so. I followed her back and I lied down again. In that position, I threw up two or three times, and it felt like the most depurative vomit I ever did. For the rest of the evening I just stay there shaking and seeing strange colours with my eyes closed. Eventually, the Ceremony was closed with the same smoking ritual. By then, I decided not to attend second day's ceremony.

Day 2: 

We could have vegetarian breakfast and lunch. Last night experience was fresh but I still was hesitating to attend the second ceremony. By the evening, I was hoping for more glasses of that drink.

When I took the first dose, the shaman remembered . my "bad trip" from the day before, and recommended to start slowly with a small dose. I almost did not experience any effects with that, but something weird happened. While the other participants were having the trip of their lifes, I was thinking about a couple decisions I had to take. The plant brought me extraordinary clarity on that, and I recall thinking: How is that a problem? You can solve it just doing that!. I still went for a second small dose, which didn't bring more than shaking and visualisation of more weird colors.

Week after, I tried to follow the same diet. I have been very sensitive not only to colors and sound but also to "bad vibrations". I became a bullshit detector and it was difficult for me going to the gim or meeting some "specific people" without feeling actually sick.

Now it's been ten days, I feel healthy and back to normal. My life stays the same but I learned something I can barely explain. I guess everyone has a different experience, but if I have the chance, I'd do it again to go way deeper than I did.

[PsiloPutty]

That's a good trip report, and your English is better than mine!  

Was it your 1st psychedelic experience? Think you'll branch out and try others? Ayahuasca was my first, and it started a whole  cascade of positive and healthy changes in my life that took place during that year. I hope your experience opens you up to the same. It takes serious balls to do what you did; you should be proud of your-self. 

[Gladius]

@PsiloPutty Thank you! Well, I actually tried mushrooms two months ago, but it was a totally different experience, positive although much more... earthly?

It was positive experience and it can be life-changing if you take the lesson. I'm looking forward to do more psychedelics in the future, although I don't want to rely too much on them. I think it's easy to get "addicted" to this kind of experiences, and use them as an excuse to avoid taking action in your life.

By the way, I'm having a big ego backlash this week. Can't help drinking beer, eating meet, and being zero productive. Hope to be back to normal soon but having increased my consciousness baseline, if that makes sense.

[PsiloPutty]

Ego backlash is very normal as I'm sure you know. It's like our ego realizes that we've done something awesome for us, but life-threatening for it. Let it hoot and holler for a few days! It doesn't feel good, but it certainly helps to understand what's happening. It's just like a little kid freaking out when you tell him to do the dishes. He might pout, cry, pitch a fit, tell you he hates you, and make life a bummer for a while, but eventually he does the dishes and peace is restored. Just like the kid will eventually calm down, your ego will realize that it's still alive, and things aren't so bad. Try not to give in to everything it wants right now, though. Be the parent.  

[Samra]

@Gladius Sounds like you had a one hell of an amazing journey  thank you for sharing! You seemed to have gone deeper than me in some respects. I was still in control on my trips i think. I totally get when you said, by the end of first not you decided not to attend the second night, but by the next day you couldn't wait  Every ceremony will be different.  You don't get the trip that you want, you get what you need. You can have an intention before you go in, but the plant will show you what it wants. I would do a ceremony at least once a year if you have connected with the plant. Its a good idea to work on the teachings you have received before you attend another ceremony. Don't overthink things  Be chill and live your life