Posted June 27, 2018 (edited) I left the name of this topic blank for a few reasons: 1) Idk what to call it. 2) As click bait 3) I'm hoping you project some sort of profound meaning to the title. Makes me look cooler and boosts my ego. I'm just gonna update this journal if I feel there is anything worthwhile I want to reflect on. The process of writing things is good for contemplation. In order to access this journal, click on the bit circled in red. Otherwise you can't access due to a glitch. You gotta think outside the box to access this page, AND THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO GET ENLIGHTENED. AREN'T I JUST THE BEST GURU EVER LOL LMAO LMFAO ROFL ECKS DEE Edited June 27, 2018 by lmfao Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 1, 2018 I posted something in a separate topic that I could/should have just posted here. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 1, 2018 A film maker called Louis Theroux makes a documentary in Las Vagas where he follows around compulsive/regular gamblers. This guy doesn't like to insert in his own opinion too much in these documentaries, he prefers to just observe people and lightly poke them with questions. You can get an idea of what the industry of gambling is like. The people he follows are addicts, and most of them are in complete and utter denial about it. There's this elderly woman in particular who has lost $4000000 in 7 years. If you're gonna waste your time with television, this documentary is pretty good. I found it interesting, and it's given me a feel for the gambling industry. Casinos just want to make money, in a nutshell. They will employ long term and short term strategies for this. The odds are stacked against you. People have all sorts of emotional systems triggered, and they become hardcore addicts. The psychological manipulation is not covert at all. It is by "abusing" the human psyche that these gambling companies make money. Dopaminergic circuits are being targeted in the most blatantly obvious ways. And even though I don't gamble, I can relate to the people involved in gambling very well. Anyone who's an addict can relate to other addicts. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 1, 2018 And so it is I realise that my addictive behaviour mirrors that of a compulsive gambler. I will search and scroll on the Internet repeatedly, searching for something to give the next "hit". It's as though I'm at a slot machine. With every new video I watch or every new web page I click, I'm not gaurenteed to find something good. But it's the hope that something good will come that hooks me on to the behaviour. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 1, 2018 On 6/27/2018 at 4:55 AM, lmfao said: I left the name of this topic blank for a few reasons: 3) I'm hoping you project some sort of profound meaning to the title. Makes me look cooler and boosts my ego. the title is cool lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 2, 2018 @Everyday cheers fam. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 4, 2018 I'm having this problem where I'll reach deep non-dual states but then I'll slip out of them later in the day. I meditated for 70 minutes today, and after meditating I watched the England vs Columbia match. That took over 2 hours, and by the time it was over my mindfulness was gone. But not all is lost, since I'm getting quicker at entering non-dual states of being. When meditating today, I realized that I don't know anything. But when I tried to truly accept this feeling I had, my thoughts were going crazy and all over the place. You have to face the fact that the past doesn't really exist and face the fact that your models of the world are ultimately groundless. It's easy to say "reality is groundless" when talking to someone, but it's a completely different thing to emotionally have to deal with the fact when you confront it in consciousness work. But one thing I'm confused in trying to understand is why our mindfulness fluctuates. Why is an enlightened person enlightened and an unenlightened person unenlightened? What is the true nature of "thought", of "awareness" and of "mindfulness"? What is the precise difference between being aware and not being aware? What's the difference between being mindful of thought versus being lost in thought? It's probably impossible to nail this question down. I cant logically distinguish these things, even after repeatedly reaching non-dual states. When you reach a non-dual state, there is only "being". But even if I don't understand what's going on, that's fine. I'll just keep meditating and trying to pay attention to the present moment. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 6, 2018 I meditated for 90 minutes today to make up for the fact I didn't meditate yesterday. And honestly, I had completely monkey mind for 60-70 minutes. It wasn't till the end that I was "in the zone". Lately, my diet has been shit and my sleeping pattern has been all over the place. I'm in this repeating pattern of mindfulness peaks and mindfulness troughs. Whenever my mindfullness drops I submit to my addictions. I think this is because I have very little drive to do anything productive. I'm in Summer Holidays, and I've spent most of my time in these holidays by watching television shows and browsing the Internet. I need to find new habits. These bad habits slowly suck away my mindfullnrss throughout the day. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 7, 2018 (edited) I went on "/pol/" on 4chan today. Its a place full with the alt right and also some racists. I've made a thread on /pol/, http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/177781438#p177791314, trying to reason with these people and question their views. And the whole experience has left me a tad deflated and depressed, to see the problems that there are in the world. All these arguments are extremely rational and justified from the perspective of ego. The problem is that you can't point out ego to people unfamiliar with consciousness work. It just wont work. People are stuck to their views. Edited July 7, 2018 by lmfao Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 7, 2018 I'm in the aftermath of a 90 minute meditation session. Near the end of the session, I felt like my body was jolted and I suddenly felt wide awake despite feeling sleepy before. Right now my mind is feeling bored and feelings of sadness are arising. But since I was just practicing mindfulness, I can partially see through the thoughts creating this. I'm just not going to get lost in the thoughts, even the thoughts which tell me that my thoughts are bad. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 7, 2018 (edited) And in some sense I'm feeling solipsistic, but it's a negative sort of solipsism (other people are objects in your consciousness after all). Everything feels hallow and pointless. Edited July 7, 2018 by lmfao Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 11, 2018 I meditated for 70 mind today, and I'm probably going to meditate again today. I'm in this very strange pattern which I haven't dealt with. By the end of my meditation session, I'll feel blissful and anxiety free. However, shortly after I'll feel empty and depressed. I will proceed to distract myself with Internet, video games, TV and tasty food. However I will notice the underlying emptiness and meditate again. And the cycle repeats with me feeling empty and depressed shortly after. But I can see why this is happening. The lifetime of unconsciousness which I have cultivated is far too habitual to be broken with just a little meditation. I have to go all the way with consciousness practice and seriously try to quit my addictions, is what my gut is telling me. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 11, 2018 (edited) I've set myself the goal of finishing reading this interesting maths book, "Set Theory and Logic" by Robert Stoll, by the end of August as it would be relevant to my Life Purpose. I know I can do it, it's just that I lack the drive and discipline. I find the term "Life Purpose" to be very funny when I think about it. It makes the random shit we do on a daily basis sound deadly serious. Edited July 11, 2018 by lmfao Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2018 I'm feeling the need to journal today because I'm frustrated as hell. For the last 6 months, I've had a habit of meditated every day. I've probably missed something like 21 days in that period (just a guess). I've had a very good exercise routine for the past 3 weeks, and an OK exercise routine which started just before 2018. Despite all the efforts I've made, I'm still depressed as fuck. I meditated for 70 mins today, and went for an intense run.... and I'm still empty. What's the point of living if life's this shit. Nothing feels worth it. I don't enjoy anything anymore. My improvements in mindfulness mean very little to me right now. I wake up in the mornings feeling absolutely drained and lethargic. I take a shower, and somehow force myself to meditate. Even if I become more mindful, and get closer to the present moment, there's an insurmountable amount of negativity locked inside of me. I'm tired of nothing I do working. It's as though intense exercise moves my happiness level from -9999 to -9998. Even if I sort of get into a flow state, it dissipates quickly after exercise finishes and I'm back to my normal self. I've experienced multiple deep mystical states, and I know that there exists so much to be tapped into but I don't give a shit because it's out of my reach. I've been deluding myself with this self actualization bullshit. Just because my negativity is the result of a neurotic ego doesn't mean that anything going to happen to fix this ego. I just want to kill myself at this point. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2018 you have a journal!!! yay excited to read it Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2018 11 hours ago, lmfao said: Despite all the efforts I've made, I'm still depressed as fuck. How does your diet and sleep cycle look like? its very hard to improve much consciously if your diet is crappy and/or if your up late at night. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) @moon777light to be fair, my sleepy cycle and diet is pretty garbage. I usually fall asleep at 5:30am and wake up 1:30pm or 2:00pm. As for my diet, I generally have 1 or 2 meals a day. I'm not a healthy person, some of these meals end up being unhealthy. As far as being unhealthy is concerned: I might eat a shit tonne of cereal with milk (the unhealthy sugary kind of cereals) or I might eat just a massive load pasta with tomato sauce and cheese (if I eat pasta, I end up eating loads of cheese). I'm not eating blatantly unhealthy, ill eat breaded fish which you can put in the oven with baked beans and steamed vegetables (I've been eating this rarely though, recently). I used to make 4-5 egg omelettes frequently, but I stopped that habit because I got lazy to cook. I drink whey protein. I consume a lot of dairy, and I also consume a lot of unhealthy carbs. And man, I just get these mood swings almost everyday at this point. On the one hand, I can see myself making progress but on the other hand my mind is just going crazy. I've been on 20mg of citilopram for 7-8 months. Do you think that I should use Leo's shopping for healthy food episode to change my diet? Edited July 30, 2018 by lmfao Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2018 29 minutes ago, moon777light said: you have a journal!!! yay excited to read it Unfortunately you're probably not gonna find much interesting stuff here! Just me whining about technology addictions and also repeating the same points about non duality 1 million times lol. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2018 2 hours ago, lmfao said: I usually fall asleep at 5:30am and wake up 1:30pm or 2:00pm. are you on the computer all night long? Altering your sleep cycle in a drastic way will inhibit/mess with your hormone secretion, including testosterone! As bad as this may sound, you should aim to wake up with the sunrise (usually around 6:30am) and ideally fall asleep between 10-11pm. You will gain so much energy just from doing this alone. It will suck the first week but after that your body naturally wakes up super alert 2 hours ago, lmfao said: I might eat a shit tonne of cereal with milk (the unhealthy sugary kind of cereals) or I might eat just a massive load pasta with tomato sauce and cheese (if I eat pasta, I end up eating loads of cheese). I'm not eating blatantly unhealthy, ill eat breaded fish which you can put in the oven with baked beans and steamed vegetables our serotonin is made in our gut, so if your food is crappy, the gastrointestinal system will be unhappy and it will fuck with your emotions big time. Bad gut system is also the cause of pretty much all autoimmune disorders and greatly contributes to neurodegenerative diseases. 2 hours ago, lmfao said: Do you think that I should use Leo's shopping for healthy food episode to change my diet? YES! it will suck eating healthy probably for the first week or two because your tastebuds are so adjusted to the unhealthier stuff but you will start craving for healthy stuff the more you eat them. Basically cut out all gluten and dairy and start eating tons of vegtables, meat and fruit and eggs. Make sure you consume fermented foods to aid your gut bacteria. things like kombucha (personally i think it causes diahrea lol), sauerkraut, beet kvass, natto, etc. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 22, 2018 @moon777light Yeah my sleeping pattern has always been a mess lol, primarily due to technology. I've wasted a lot of time playing Gears of War, Marvel Spiderman, Mario Kart and etc. Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
