Not sure

[Tony Tellez]

I was walking to work one day, it was super hot,  and as I was listening to a song I decided to look up the lyrics and I just started to get really emotional,

"There was a time, I used to look into my father's eyes
In a happy home, I was a king I had a golden throne
Those days are gone, now the memories are on the wall
I hear the sounds from the places where I was born"

the song lyrics got me to realize I don't have too many good memories from my past and that my family didn't really cared for my emotional well being, I realized that there is so much emotions that I haven't experienced because I been drinking and smoking way too much weed the last couple years, so ever since then I promise myself that not matter how bad I feel I would never do those drugs again because all it does its numb my emotions because I didn't want to face my bad memories, I also want to have children in the future to teach them how to be emotionally happy...... I been sober but oh Its been a hell of a emotional ride, I realized I have zero people around me and Im super lonely  (specially because I been moving to different cities all my life), I realized that maybe life should not be about being happy all the time but more of experiencing every emotion and learn from it, not getting numb to avoid it, but really I feel like I'm in hell right now... due to bad people in the past I cant seem to trust nobody and I just found out I might have fleas in my house so I might have to throw away everything, somebody please tell me that all this is part of the journey...