Rejection Reflection: #1

[Guest]

Today, I was trying to flirt with a girl, and like usual, got rejected. This time was different because she just ran away after we exchanged names.  She was clearly not interested-- I've seen girls who run away from guys due to being too nervous to talk to a total hottie.  This, however, was not my case; she seemed visibly uncomfortable.

 

Some questions:

Have you experienced anything similar?

Why do you think this happened?

 

My reason: I still give the creeper vibe. I haven't been approaching for very long and have severe social anxiety. I talked too loud and seemed aggressive and dangerous, and I couldn't maintain good eye contact. My take away for today is  I just need to keep at it and get used to it, then I will be more comfortable eventually. 

 

Bright side: I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to recognize when girls aren't into me. Before I'd just pay attention to what they say instead of what they do. They'd say "Nice to meet you." With closed off body language and little eye contact then blow me off, and I would think, "Wow, we really hit it off." Now I pay attention to what they do and can tell when I am turning women off-- this is usually instant.

 

 

I am going to keep a log of my rejections on this forum to share my perspective and hopefully get some perspective in return.

Edited March 16, 2016 by Saitama

[Key Elements]

I have a question, and it's nothing but a question: what is your goal?

Because in another post I saw that you are thinking of pursuing a math PhD. Careers/life's calling takes a lot of time to pursue and inner work. Having a good relationship also takes an enormous amount of time and sacrifice once you're in it.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Key Elements said:

I have a question, and it's nothing but a question: what is your goal?

Because in another post I saw that you are thinking of pursuing a math PhD. Careers/life's calling takes a lot of time to pursue and inner work. Having a good relationship also takes an enormous amount of time and sacrifice once you're in it.

@Key Elements What do you mean by my goal? Could you please specify?

[Key Elements]

@Saitama

Goal = what are you trying to accomplish?

Are you trying to get a girl to have a relationship with? Is getting a maths degree part of your life purpose (life's calling)? 

From my experience, if I want to accomplish something, I have to keep going at it till I've reached a point. Then, I decide where to go next. Success is a lifelong process. I'm just speaking from my experience. 

[Jesper]

12 hours ago, Saitama said:

My reason: I still give the creeper vibe. I haven't been approaching for very long and have severe social anxiety. I talked too loud and seemed aggressive and dangerous, and I couldn't maintain good eye contact. My take away for today is  I just need to keep at it and get used to it, then I will be more comfortable eventually.

Great that you are thinking about it in such a constructive way, and that you can see how you were acting in the approach and what effect it had. That's what's going to help you improve!

[Guest]

@Key Elements  I am trying to just get better with women. I don't really even care about a relationship or finding someone-- this is just for my growth. The math is part of my life purpose,yes.

[Key Elements]

@Saitama

Ok, that's fine. Here's another question that came into my mind: I wonder what the girls are thinking when you approached them and talked to them? We really don't know what they're thinking. If we knew exactly what they're thinking, we probably learn a lot from that.

[Guest]

@Key Elements Well, yes, but I can't read minds. What are you trying to get at?

[Key Elements]

@Saitama

I'm not trying to get at anything. I'm only wondering what are they thinking. It will be great if we all knew. It's not just for you approaching the women; it's for everyone else.

I remember when I took a psychology class, a teacher's assistant was conducting an anonymous survey of some kind to get her degree. Then, I thought, it would be great if an anonymous survey is conducted on this topic of approaching women and seduction to see what the women are thinking after being approached. Of course, where you approach and how you approach has to be taken into consideration. I believe this would be a good study to see.

[Guest]

@Key Elements Okay. I don't know how accurate it would be due to survey bias. Also, I think honing social intuition takes care of a lot. The situation can be quite telling without mind reading.

[Key Elements]

@Saitama

I wish there was some way of seeing a direct truth to this or get close to it.

Well, I could tell you that when I do make friends in real life who I trust or run into different people in different places, they do tell me stuff and I learned a lot from them - sharing experiences from people different from you - Leo mentioned this a few times in his clips.

Also, I don't believe the women or even the men would tell the whole truth on this subject matter. It's too personal. A lot of details are missing. It's something to tell good friends/family or someone outside the group. That's why I use the word "anonymous" survey. 

My reason behind taking the anonymous survey and trying to make friends different from you (and be radically open minded about it) is because the reason for being rejected has to be a lot deeper than thinking the guy is "creepy" or "jerk" or whatever. One simple reason may be due to not wanting to be with a complete stranger.

Edited March 17, 2016 by Key Elements