I watched them die

[Arkandeus]

one by one

my friends, my mother, my father, my family

the ones I once thought were separate from me, that they existed outside of me

I saw my own flesh looking at them, my own eyes, my own skin, I saw the reflection, and I saw the idea of them being revealed and drifting away

people are dead and I know that I live with the universe

my understanding is killing everyone, reality is unraveled, and more and more I see life I see the universe

the only one that still needs to die is me and for such a death I hope

[Ether]

Dont dwell on it. Its just going to destroy you.

Why would you be angry at something uncontrollable? Its the law of the universe. Everything must go, everything must come

Now its your turn. Your turn to create a family (if you want), met a wife, have children, create your own family.

Its not the end of the world.

[Arkandeus]

17 minutes ago, Ether said:

Dont dwell on it. Its just going to destroy you.

Why would you be angry at something uncontrollable? Its the law of the universe. Everything must go, everything must come

Now its your turn. Your turn to create a family (if you want), met a wife, have children, create your own family.

Its not the end of the world.

hmm indeed ,your speaking of creating a family warms my heart

although I wont hide that I do not mind the end of the world

my whole quest to enlighten really boils down to me not being satisfied and seeking a new world

I wont hide that I wont mind the end of it all, im quite tired of living, of being me, of being them, its all insanely tiring 

Edited June 23, 2018 by Arkandeus

[B_Naz]

1 minute ago, Arkandeus said:

my whole quest to enlighten really boils down to me not being satisfied and seeking a new world

Ever question why you want to be satisfied? Ever question why you want to seek a new world?

Perhaps do enlightenment for no reason. For no return. Just because it is?

 

[Ether]

Just now, Arkandeus said:

hmm indeed

although I wont hide that I do not mind the end of the world

my whole quest to enlighten really boils down to me not being satisfied and seeking a new world

I wont hide that I wont mind the end of it all, im quite tired of living, of being me, its all insanely tiring 

If you are tired of life, you are not living, you are existing...

Suffering is apart of life, but you are not living.

[Arkandeus]

11 minutes ago, B_Naz said:

Ever question why you want to be satisfied? Ever question why you want to seek a new world?

Perhaps do enlightenment for no reason. For no return. Just because it is?

 

I want to reduce all the lies, no more pretending

I want to be satisfied because I am not satisfied, I want something from enlightenment, and thats what it has always been about, it was always about gaining something, it is

[B_Naz]

@Arkandeus That's good. You want something  that isn't actually egoistic like being a better kisser ,  and I think the thing you want is neutrality. A better word is joyful? This is natural, and is something you should be determined to do! Question the levels of satisfaction. You can be satisfied by just being joyful of what you have currently, even if it's dead  

Edited June 23, 2018 by B_Naz

[Arkandeus]

12 minutes ago, Ether said:

If you are tired of life, you are not living, you are existing...

Suffering is apart of life, but you are not living.

indeed, I have been depressed in the past, this is different, its not a sad or depressed kind of tired, its just a tired end of the road thing, time to rest

, it feels like ill finally be able to rest, to die while I live, an inner death

as my family and friends died as they dissolved into life it only makes sense my turn would come as well? I hope so dearly

I deeply crave this inner death, this gentle falling into nothingness, im really sick of the games, the infernal wheel of seeking , the endless fears and conflicts

it feels like im the only one left and I stand in my own way

I seriously welcome my own death

 

Edited June 23, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Ether]

@Arkandeus I know you are tired but focus on your health and happiness.

Do things that distract yourself.

[Arkandeus]

I'm aware of everyone's existence once again, and what a joy it is

I realize that it is my love for others that maintains my awareness of everyone

I pursued my desires,what I believed I lacked and in focusing on myself I lost consciousness, of other people

it is my love that maintains my awareness of this world that I live in, I will try to love, more then ever

[Nahm]

@Arkandeus Love is the way. 

[who chit]

Many find, in the first glimpse or initial awakening to truth, the difficulty of meaninglessness. That this existence has no meaning.
What has happened, is all their meaning was applied to what is untrue. What is true had been veiled from them their entire life, so there was really no choice in the matter but to take what was given as being the truth. The beliefs, concepts, ideas, opinions, imparted to them from birth by trusted "authorities". Those same authorities are in the same boat, and just passing on what was imparted to them.

As one's perception deepens on the path of truth, what was found meaningless becomes a blessing. It clears all that was untrue to allow what is true to be revealed. It is distressing at first to many, but with continued perseverance on the path, as more clarity gives rise to clearer perception and "deeper" seeing into the truth, an unfathomable, unexplainable meaning begins to arise. It is not explainable, or very difficult to explain because it is a meaning that is impersonal, and not derived from what has been gathered and believed from what has been taught by society and "authority" figures, who themselves are ignorant of what is true.

One should surrender any sadness, anger, or negativity surrounding what they had mistakenly thought was true. Ignorance in self or others is not a sin and no one is to be blamed. If one happens to eventually perceive and/or "see/experience" what is true, it is truly a blessing. With devotion and love for truth,god,ishta,etc., will come ever new clarity and deeper insight. And with that, an ever deepening,unspeakable divine meaning will be experienced/perceived.

Edited June 24, 2018 by who chit