My Awareness Doesn't Work - Please Help

[The Don]

Hello.

I'll be very direct because I can't keep this to myself anymore. I feel like I'm consuming myself.

In the past few months I've been feeling angry, hurt and frustrated.

I had a "friend" and I helped him with $50.000 dollars. It was a loan over a two year period.

I trusted him. In return he told me he would help me to build my house from scratch because he had experience in this domain.

I agreed and I gave him the money for the house. He started the house but he didn't complete it.

The house is only 25% built. I don't know how to explain this but you get the idea.

He lied a lot of times using deception but I understood what was going on.

Now he's not responding to my messages. I gave him lots of money for the house.

I just don't know what do to. I've been meditating about four months and I feel like everything is gone. My progress with meditation is gone.

I just don't know how to get over this. I have no money left and sometimes I'm panicking. It's hurtful.

In the same time I don't wanna feel all these things but my mind comes up with thoughts.

My mind is bombarding me with thoughts about what happened and how fool I was for trusting him. My mind is telling me all sorts of bad stuff.

You help someone and you get nothing but damage in return.

What do you think I should do? I don't wanna hate anybody. I don't wanna feel bad and hurt. I can't explain what I feel.

I'm being aware but my feelings won't go away.

Guys and @Leo Gura, any help on this would be much appreciated.

 

 

 

Edited June 22, 2018 by The Don
Editing.

[metwinn]

@The Don 

10 minutes ago, The Don said:

 

In the same time I don't wanna feel all these things but my mind comes up with thoughts.

 

I'm being aware but my feelings won't go away.

 

 

 

It sounds to me like a lot of your suffering is coming from resisting these feelings. I know it might not be the easiest and I have no idea how hard that must be for you however I have gone through similar experiences in the past and I think the best thing for you do is accept these feelings as they come and allow yourself to feel them. Fighting what is, will only result in more frustration. "You cant stop the waves but you can learn to surf" - Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Hope you find the help your looking for.

Edited June 22, 2018 by metwinn

[Dodo]

7 minutes ago, The Don said:

Hello.

I'll be very direct because I can't keep this to myself anymore. I feel like I'm consuming myself.

In the past few months I've been feeling angry, hurt and frustrated.

I had a "friend" and I helped him with $50.000 dollars. It was a loan over a two year period.

I trusted him. In return he told me he would help me to build my house from scratch because he had experience in this domain.

I agreed and I gave him the money for the house. He started the house but he didn't complete it.

The house is only 25% built. I don't know how to explain this but you get the idea.

He lied a lot of times using deception but I understood what was going on.

Now he's not responding to my messages. I gave him lots of money for the house.

I just don't know what do to. I've been meditating about four months and I feel like everything is gone. My progress with meditation is gone.

I just don't know how to get over this. I have no money left and sometimes I'm panicking. It's hurtful.

In the same time I don't wanna feel all these things but my mind comes up with thoughts.

My mind is bombarding me with thoughts about what happened and how fool I was for trusting him. My mind is telling me all sorts of bad stuff.

You help someone and you get nothing but damage in return.

What do you think I should do? I don't wanna hate anybody. I don't wanna feel bad and hurt. I can't explain what I feel.

I'm being aware but my feelings won't go away.

Guys and @Leo Gura, any help on this would be much appreciated.

 

 

 

You are not alone, I also have a similar story, with less money involved, but since I've never had more than 10k in my bank, for me it is huge money. 

So I helped a "friend" out, he owes me 1500, another one owes me 500 and now I'm broke. The one with 500 still says he will pay back, but I have strong doubts. The other one doesn't return my calls and is pretty much a lost cause. 

Moral of the story - don't trust humans. 

 

[Ether]

Your awareness is weak. Focus on it. Listening, Focusing, Open Monotoring, Eating, Walking, there is so many meditations, pick one.

[White]

@The Don

22 minutes ago, The Don said:

You help someone and you get nothing but damage in return.

Hi don

I feel sorry to hear of your loss. Just don't let this statement turn into a belief. 

 

[egoeimai]

29 minutes ago, White said:

@The Don

Hi don

I feel sorry to hear of your loss. Just don't let this statement turn into a belief. 

 

Yeah its a kinda "damaging" belief but Ive been to situations where I felt the same. That u give and not take back. So for some of us it is true,as bad as it sounds. But I think every challenge is for a reason (of growth) 

[White]

@egoeimai integrate it, don't let it turn into a belief tho . A belief will lead to regressive self protection and integration and forgiveness will lead to wisdom

[WindInTheLeaf]

53 minutes ago, metwinn said:

@The Don 

It sounds to me like a lot of your suffering is coming from resisting these feelings. I know it might not be the easiest and I have no idea how hard that must be for you however I have gone through similar experiences in the past and I think the best thing for you do is accept these feelings as they come and allow yourself to feel them. Fighting what is, will only result in more frustration. "You cant stop the waves but you can learn to surf" - Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Hope you find the help your looking for.

 

[Guest Quanty]

Have you tried channeling with a piece of 24 karat Gold? It will do marvelous things for you, wearing this metal in pure form. 

[Viking]

2 hours ago, The Don said:

In the same time I don't wanna feel all these things

allow them to be felt, go into it. when you put resistance the emotions will flow slower and you heat up, like a resistor in an electrical circuit. be a superconductor, be like water. let it all flow through you whenever it comes, dont resist.

The fact that those emotions exist mean that they triggered some beliefs in you, something you hold dear, like in this case your self image maybe. inquire into what theyre pointing to and notice whats the root of the emotions. then look at that and accept it, what i meant by accept, i mean dont do anything, dont start thinking "its not good, im not doing this good enough, im a stupid person" notice its all thoughts and just continue surrendering. 

you could also try shamanic breathing or psychedelics for emotional healing.

[The Don]

Thank you guys for your insights.

I'll do my best no to worry.

[Nahm]

@The Don What is he doing? Building anther house? Left the country? 

Did you have any of this on paper? 

Also I’m a little confused...you said you gave him the money to help you build a house, and you gave it to him to help him out as a loan to be paid back in 2 years? Weird arrangement if I understand it. 

Maybe the peace / take away here is that you didn’t actually help him, you gave him money. If he can build houses, he can work, and doesn’t need to be lent 50,000 (that’s a huge amount of money). He probably needed help with honesty, integrity, a drinking or drug problem, financial ignorance, etc. Giving him money may have feed his “problem”. There is some reason a guy who can build houses ends up wanting someone to give them money, because it’s not hard to find someone who wants a house built, especially if you build em.