Fear of losing myself

[Faceless]

5 minutes ago, Santhiphap said:

Thank you @Crystalous@Nahm @cetus56  as well for all the words. This thread has become an important resource for my process in no time!

This is true. I also fear that I will not be able to live a social life with the people around me, those who I love. I fear that I will not be able to love them anymore and that they would notice and it would break their heart. But now that I think about it i will probably be able to project my love much better. 

Until fear ends, love is not. 

Love is only in the absence of fear. 

Edited June 21, 2018 by Faceless

[Faceless]

Love is not conditional, and never within the movement of time, causality. 

Edited June 21, 2018 by Faceless

[Ananta]

41 minutes ago, Santhiphap said:

Ok after meditating an hour earlier I read this and it triggered some kind of deep insight that I didnt understand but it felt very much liberating.

Nice!  

43 minutes ago, Santhiphap said:

I still feel a bit liberated of the fear now that I think of it more like there is no death, there is just another perspective to see things.

Yes, seeing from another perspective!

You got it.

44 minutes ago, Santhiphap said:

This ego death thought just really stuck in my head. One of the reasons was Leos blog video where he talks about how frightening it is to "kill yourself" (ego).

Obviously, I don't go that dramatic, your going to kill yourself route. So, I can't really comment more then I already have, except to say. Perhaps he means seeing the unreality of you, as the apparent person, could be shocking, and it is, but it wasn't scary, to me...it was freeing actually.

[cetus]

20 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

Those that speak of ego death, what do they mean, exactly? I don't know, but it doesn't seem possible to kill a thought. How would one function in the world if thought no longer arose, ever? 

@Anna1 What happened in my case wasn't necessarily the end to thoughts arising. They arise as always but the difference now is when they do arise they are just thoughts not "my" thoughts. No attachment. Like bubbles arising in soda they come to the surface than just 'pop' and disappear.

[Faceless]

Thought arises when needed. But when not needed thought remains dormant. 

Thinking will happen when we need to use the mechanism of thought. But that mechanism no longer moves when there is no use in applying the mechanism. 

Its about giving thought it’s right place.  

[Faceless]

This relates to living ones daily life free of the limits of experience. 

[Nahm]

@Santhiphap You won’t have to project. Love Is. 

[Santhiphap]

21 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

1.  

Those that speak of ego death, what do they mean, exactly?

I think Leo is taking a way more radical approach thus calling it ego death and focusing on one final meditation session to "kill" it all. I think he also talked about that the longing to "kill" it/get rid of it is a trap.

From what i heard,  sudden, complete and final disidentification only happens to very few people and is triggered by extreme circumstances. For example Eckhardt Tolle was about to kill himself physically short before his enlightenment happened afaik. So in that case it might be easy to use the term death to describe things.

For others its more of gradual process that is accompanied by the embrace of experiences and includes more "positive" sounding desriptions when they talk about their experiences.

 

 

[Santhiphap]

9 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Santhiphap You won’t have to project. Love Is. 

[Faceless]

If compulsive thoughts remain arising then there is still a deep rooted unconscious movement of fear taking place. 

If there is any inward movement in accordance to desire, pleasure, which is to escape what is, which implies fear, identification is taking place as the separate eneity. In this all such thoughts will continue to arise compulsively. 

As long as desire, pleasure, (fear) is, thoughts will continue to be expressed on there own.. Where there is fear there can never be order. It’s only in complete order that the cessation of fear(time), and therefore thoughts will stop moving unwillingly. 

Edited June 23, 2018 by Faceless

[Ananta]

42 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

They arise as always but the difference now is when they do arise they are just thoughts not "my" thoughts. 

This is often the case here also, except if there was attachment for some reason, then after the fact the entire thing is seen for what it is...only "apparently" real. 

[Ananta]

20 minutes ago, Santhiphap said:

I think he also talked about that the longing to "kill" it/get rid of it is a trap.

Yes, because who is trying to kill the ego...IS the ego!

 

21 minutes ago, Santhiphap said:

For others its more of gradual process

In Vedanta this is called nididhyasana the process you under go once you have Self-realized, but still need to fully assimilate and remove every ounce of ignorance that says you are a doer/enjoyer/experiencer!

34 minutes ago, Santhiphap said:

sudden, complete and final disidentification only happens to very few people

This is because of the mind's habitual tendencies to identify with thought, even when it knows it's unreality. Even when it knows it is awareness (The Self). That's why there is nididhyasana.

[Faceless]

24 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

This is often the case here also, except if there was attachment for some reason, then after the fact the entire thing is seen for what it is...only "apparently" real. 

Seems like this may be a treating the issue as it arises. Have you considered that attatchment has not been totally ripped out at its root? 

 

Edited June 21, 2018 by Faceless

[Ananta]

The full assimilation of self-knowledge requires further effort. This is when nididhyasana kicks in.

 

"Nididhyasana is defined as meditation on the teachings and the truth they reveal. In terms of nididhyasana, meditation does not refer to formal seated meditation. Though formal seated meditation can play a role in nididhyasana, the meditation that characterizes nididhyasana is the constant contemplation of the teachings and the application of one’s non-dual understanding to the experiences/objects/encounters one has within the context of the dualistic apparent reality."

~T. Schmidt 

[Faceless]

Does not effort imply attachment? 

[Ananta]

16 minutes ago, Faceless said:

Seems like this may be a treating the issue as it arises. Have you considered that attatchment has not been totally ripped out at its root? 

 

I don't word it like that, but, yeah, I've not fully assimilated, although I know for certain I am the Self (awareness), but the mind is a rascal and has habitual tendencies that are hard to get rid of.

[Ananta]

20 minutes ago, Faceless said:

Does not effort imply attachment? 

If you have even an ounce of attachment left and so there is some ioda of a doer there, then yes, it requires effort to remove.

However, no one is twisting anyone's arm. No one has to be fully assimilated. If they are happy with the amount of attachment they have left and aren't suffering because of it, then so be it.

 

[Faceless]

8 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

I don't word it like that, but, yeah, I've not fully assimilated, although I know for certain I am the Self (awareness), but the mind is a rascal and has habitual tendencies that are hard to get rid of.

Yeah lol 

Mind is very tricky. It tries to use mechanical action to get rid of mechanical tendencies. I agree indeed, mind is a rascal lol 

[Faceless]

9 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

If you have even an ounce of attachment left and so there is some ioda of a doer there, then yes, it requires effort to remove.

 

 

Well with all do respect, until that movement of attatchment ends I would say that is still an unanswered question for you. 

Its only in the ending of that attachment that one could conclude upon that question. 

Edited June 21, 2018 by Faceless

[Faceless]

@Anna1

what I mean is it can not be answered by anyone but you. 

That is the beauty of it

Edited June 21, 2018 by Faceless