Tinder, Porn, Distractions, and a Desire for Connection

[scottiemac]

Making an impact is extremely important to me- as is paying my bills. Between the two, I claim that I don't have time to socialize. Unfortunately, this has led me to feel rather lonely.

After listening to Tony Robbin's talk about our 6 psychological needs, and doing some introspection, I identified that I'm often trying to fulfill my longing for connection by swiping on Tinder and looking at porn. Ultimately, I know these actions are hallow and will never be able to fulfill me. Even more so, they drain my energy and mental capacity, distract me from my life's work, and compromise my character.

So I watched Leo's video on Addictions and on Loneliness. My main take away from those is that I need to 

1. Develop a better relationship with myself

2. Realize the super big picture of non duality, and embrace that I can never be alone, if I truly am everything. 

3. Face my inner demons, and burn them away through daily mediation.

4. Practice being very present and lean into the emotional discomfort, and

5. Go eat some mushrooms in the woods. 

 

Overall, it seems like Leo's suggesting that we can better fulfill our need for connection through intrinsic means, than through extrinsic means. 

 

In terms of using psychedelics as a tool to enhance this connection, what questions/ practices could one engage in, to deepen this connection?

 

I want to eradicate my dependence on extrinsic forces, to satisfy my psychological needs. Is there a silver bullet, or should I expect a long road?

[YogiLogan]

Just surrender to the love that radiates.

Find the feeling that you dislike , whats causing the pain which leads to addiction and sit with it .Accept it. Surrender.

[Bill Eichman]

If you don't put yourself out into the world and interact with people in ways that allow them to know you, the other things that you mention doing won't have the critical success factor they need in order to allow you to find connection.

The easiest way that I have used successfully and repeatedly to find connection is to go out to "interest events", that is, to classes or meetings focused on something that interests me. (Or in my case I found it worked even better if I actually GAVE the class or organized the meeting. But just going to such things was also effective.)

Assuming you want to connect with women (you mention tinder), that will work out best if you pick a subject matter that will bring a good percentage of women. 

Look around for lists of classes and events near you. Look at places in shops where there are bulletin boards on which people can put up posters promoting their stuff.

I've started three long term relationships and several more short term connections that way. It does work.