living a catch 22

[now is forever]

i wonder about the heroins journey - think that we have to research in way older mythology than most of the stories available now. maybe that’s why i love momo and pipi longstockings.

i just watched the heroes journey - with the actual different filter glases i got myself through the transcendence of realizing again what it means to be a woman in this world. i thought wait a minute - the woman behind the dragon? i like the game of thrones version better - riding a dragon would be the modern version. waiting for what hero to come? and if he doesn’t? so riding the dragon might be much more fun. 

actually in that sense, it’s quiet serious i don’t know if it’s so good if the hero slays the dragon - in the never ending story he is a dragon rider, too.

maybe he goes out to kill a dragon but instead he just tames the dragon.

would be interesting to get some comments on that...

Edited July 20, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

the dragon defines the hero/heroine but the hero/heroine can define the dragon, too.

Edited July 21, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

started doing some kundalini yoga - also some dragon yoga - there is yin style and yang style. don‘t know what i should choose... so i do them both.

i try to figure out if the symbol they use for naming it has something to do with what i try to focus on. i didn‘t go for such trivial things before... i‘ll see. 

originally i didn’t go for spiritual effects - well a little bit but i‘m a scepticist. there has to be some kind of trace to go on a track.

Edited July 21, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

wow, now i see dragon everywhere. even in the sky. the moon is out and almost full and there are clouds like dragons scales in the sky - situation was magical some minutes ago. 

thought i was over that stage - glad maya is still there.

Edited July 21, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

what is art? and why does it produce systems - why is art a reference for systems. does the intention make the art? often, sometimes. but art is a reference for it‘s time and a reference for things going on in our mind and in our heart and in our body. art is the language of maya - where there is no free art and no true expressionistic art, there is no freedom. where there is culture, there is art. joseph beuys explained that the best. even though we learn it from expressionism and impressionism and deconstructivism etc. 

art is not there to be criticized, it is there to express itself.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2329518/Art-student-destroys-painting-class-bad-review.html

you can only add to the truth by taking from it. or something like that.

Edited July 23, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

there is nothing to be said anymore and nothing to be thought anymore and no one to listen anymore. everything was said everything was thought already by someone before. if there is nothing to be said anymore and nothing to be thought anymore the only thing left to do is to rethink or remain silent with all consequences. that’s the artistic dilemma of our time.

 

“we actually made a map of the country, on the scale of a mile to the mile!“

„have you used it much?“ i enquired.

“it has never been spread out, yet“ said mein herr: „the farmers objected: they said it would cover the whole country, and shut out the sunlight! So we now use the country itself, as it’s own map, and i assure you it does nearly as well.“

Lewis Carrol

 

the beautiful thing is we can discover it for ourselves if we just start walking. i‘m walking head over heals though, on my hands, feet in the clouds. does that make me carry the world?

maybe

Edited July 22, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

content takes usually less space than context. context takes time and work and space and is always in need of a direction, and mostly it always needs a vision for it‘s appearance.

sticking to the content - is the hardest in context, without loosing too much.

there are a thousand different chairs a thousand different cups they all differ in form and still they have the context of their content usually all in the context of how they are made, what they are made of, who made them and how they are placed and where they are placed etc.

recontextualisation is the most difficult thing in the world. but it’s possible. you can’t avoid some kind of shape though.

Edited July 23, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

sometimes options in sense of actions are no real options - we just create them as possibilities. as long as we don‘t make them happen it would be easier to forget these dreams. i just realized i‘m a control freak of possibilities i can‘t let go of the what if’s, more in direction of the future than of the past. but the past is always some kind of reference, a reminder. 

we tend to keep beeing stuck longer than others if  we have to create real possibilities sometimes.

think that‘s the fary tale trauma. i mean the one where we get rescued. why is that so important?

maybe because there would be no hope if there wasn‘t some kind of meaning in them. romanticism was certainly not just a time phenomenon.

it‘s amazing how many fary tale figures i have already impersonated for others, or for myself.

 

when we were young, we had this treasure box full of clothes and also a lot of fabric peaces. we could  jump in everyone’s skin - haha - that picture came from somewhere else. - it means theoretically i could be a shape shifter. but all i ever wanted since long ago was just being me. so i was always searching for clothes that would fit me. 

well children are shapeshifters, aren’t they? they shift from tiny to grown ups. 

but inside of me there is still this tiny person with all the needs tiny’s have to survive. 

 

mh and in the end i even chose to live as a shapeshifter... shifting shapes with my hands.

i still solve problems for others - but need others to solve mine as well. second is the most difficult part.

 

 

not only the should‘s are to be delivered, more than that, the musts, and also the what if‘s for the past - but the what if‘s for the now are something to deliver to the hopeless.

Edited July 25, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

and some problems solve themselves

[now is forever]

i‘m thankful for this empty space here, where i could squeeze a part of myself in - i would never have told it to just myself. the feeling of talking to this space or to everyone who wants to read gave me the opportunity. 

i would never have written here if i hadn’t had an existential crisis and an autoimmune disease. i also wouldn’t have written without having a near death experience in my youth experiencing nothingness shortly after - without shaving my hair at the age of 15.   i wouldn’t have written if i hadn’t had all this symbols and pictures appearing all the time during writing and not without the mini experiments with challenging chaos i had in the chaotic parts of berlin. i even have a small dimple on my forehead, where i ran into a tube at the age of 5 hahaha, so many coincidences. wouldn’t have written if there wasn’t something greater than me. i now feel part of.

thank you for that, all of you, blanc papers

Edited July 25, 2018 by now is forever
„there is no way in not loosing truth by talking about truth - language can only ever be a small frame for the magnitude of reality, humans are mostly lost in translation“ b.k.

[now is forever]

berlin calling

[now is forever]

...

Edited July 25, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

the song of the butterfly 

Edited July 25, 2018 by now is forever

[Zweistein]

@now is forever Do you know about the butterfly effect?

[now is forever]

@Zweistein what do you think i‘m talking about? 

my heart always wanted to be one.

in sense of size relative to the sun i might be just a neutrino 

Edited July 26, 2018 by now is forever

[Zweistein]

Feels like two butterflies found each other ?

Let's keep brainstorming - I think we can be stronger together, if you want to...

[now is forever]

actually i wanted to stop this here for some time - there is a lot going on in reality for me during the next months. i’ll move, deeper into the chaos and life purpose is calling. so i really need to focus. it‘s just that it was difficult to stop, because my mind wouldn‘t let me. so i tried to bring the heart to some kind of rest 

we are always stronger together, but dreams have a self agenda too.   unfortunately we have just two hands, i always wanted to have a third one... maybe one day.

but we‘ll work in parallel‘s on the social sculpture. if beuys or the bauhaus, it doesn‘t matter.

Edited July 25, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

hope the song is not too sad, it doesn’t really fit.

maybe this one:

@Zweisteini‘m really bad in saying goodbyes

Edited July 25, 2018 by now is forever

[Zweistein]

No worries @now is forever!

I'm starting to feel tired from insight-crunching and will also take more breaks from the forum. It's quite addictive to be here, but it's more important to take time to incorporate things we have learned. ??

 

[now is forever]

hahaha - i also have to tame a dragon? flower growing is something else ?