The one thing that contributes most to your happiness and health in life is...

[Sparkist]

@Star Net Yes, indeed. I have relationships with others but they have been re-calibrated, recycled and my friend networks have changed a fair bit. I used to be heavily emotionally dependent on those around me. Now, I am free to enjoy their company, and visa versa, without pressure of expectation. It feels healthy and balanced and wholesome. My relationship with myself has deepened and grown. It's a far cry from how it used to be. 

Edited June 18, 2018 by Sparkist

[Star Net]

1 hour ago, Sparkist said:

I am free to enjoy their company, and visa versa, without pressure of expectation

I agree that real relationships can not be built based on neediness, but in a few some cases there will be some expectations that We expect from Our friends, and expectations that Our friends expect from Us, as a friends.

1 hour ago, Sparkist said:

My relationship with myself has deepened and grown. It's a far cry from how it used to be. 

I am happy to know that .

[Sparkist]

20 minutes ago, Star Net said:

I agree that real relationships can not be built based on neediness, but in a few some cases there will be some expectations that We expect from Our friends, and expectations that Our friends expect from Us, as a friends.

 

This topic came up recently in a group session I attended. The word 'expect' and 'expectation' seemed to trigger me. I questioned internally why that may be, and I believe it's down to having had ridiculously high expectations of those around me in the past, and being hurt when those expectations were not met.

I now only expect that people will do as they wish, regardless of any expectations I may or may not place on them. So, I decided that it was best to have none. This doesn't mean that I will not choose which friendships are worth my while. The onus is on me to decide whether it's a fulfilling, mutually beneficial friendship, but I still do not expect anything of them. I simply choose to place my energies elsewhere if I don't feel it's a balanced and wholesome 2 way relationship. 

Edited June 18, 2018 by Sparkist

[Elisabeth]

1 hour ago, Sparkist said:

I don't really understand loneliness anymore. I used to feel lonely but I can't remember why, or what it feels like. I'm so pleased with this progress.

Can you elaborate how you got there?

Btw. I'm on board with relationships being a very basic need. There may be a few who transcend relating to other humans (I wonder if this is done by developping strong internal relationships to oneself, nature, god or existence), but for most of us, good social connectedness is probably a great strategy. 

[Sparkist]

25 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

Can you elaborate how you got there?

Hmm...I believe it started with absolute heart ache and a sense of total rock bottom. I understood how vulnerable I had let myself get by relying so heavily on others for my happiness. I guess I had to be broken down in order to build myself up. It sounds so cliche but I honestly think that's what it was. I'd been let down time and time again. And it seemed to get worse each time. Like the universe was seriously kicking my ass because it wanted ME to take control. And so I did. I took responsibility for myself and my life choices; really looked deep inside to see what sort of person I'd become. I'm on a journey of personal development and so I'm trying to improve all aspects of my life, FOR ME. With that comes empowerment, which also adds to the feeling of 'I'm not lonely', because I have my own back, even if no one else does. I have myself. Whatever happens. So I'm making sure that I'm as happy as I can be, with what I see when I look inside myself. It will be a life-long journey but I'm so grateful to be on it!  And not to mention, the people around me that I love have benefited greatly from this shift. It's a win-win!

Edited June 18, 2018 by Sparkist

[pluto]

Remember guys thinking yourselves as "animal" is the old paradigm and will leave you limited to your full potential. You must see yourselves as "Human" its a completely different category in itself once truly realized.

[Erlend K]

Being an animal is part of being human. Adopting a paradigm/ideology that says your lifespan and happiness shouldnt be limited of external factors, be it water, oxygen or relationship, dosn't change reality. 

[Guest Quanty]

The ideal happiness and health for me is living a hermit life far from society and coming back once in a while to not forget I was a puppy once and spread some free knowledge. 

[Elisabeth]

1 hour ago, Sparkist said:

Hmm...I believe it started with absolute heart ache and a sense of total rock bottom. I understood how vulnerable I had let myself get by relying so heavily on others for my happiness. I guess I had to be broken down in order to build myself up. It sounds so cliche but I honestly think that's what it was. I'd been let down time and time again. And it seemed to get worse each time. Like the universe was seriously kicking my ass because it wanted ME to take control. And so I did. I took responsibility for myself and my life choices; really looked deep inside to see what sort of person I'd become. I'm on a journey of personal development and so I'm trying to improve all aspects of my life, FOR ME. With that comes empowerment, which also adds to the feeling of 'I'm not lonely', because I have my own back, even if no one else does. I have myself. Whatever happens. So I'm making sure that I'm as happy as I can be, with what I see when I look inside myself. It will be a life-long journey but I'm so grateful to be on it!  And not to mention, the people around me that I love have benefited greatly from this shift. It's a win-win!

Thanks. I recognize some parallels, though I'm not quite that far. 

This is probably how it should be - you take responsibility for yourself including owning your part for your relationships with all those great people around you. 

[Sparkist]

@Elisabeth It's a learning curve for sure! There's a long road ahead, but I'm excited about and open to what the future may bring. All the best to you and your journey <3 

[Faceless]

The main thing is to see that there is no psychological evolution. 

To end the illusion that has been generated by the notion of being an seperate and independent i. 

To see that the thinker is the thought, and the experience and the experiencer are one and the same movement of thought. And that the movement of thought seeks security in its own movement of thinking. 

An illusion seeking security in illusion. 

When we see that to seek security by cultivating an illusion (psychological growth) only leads to psychological insecurity there is bound to be conflict. 

To cultivate psychological growth is a perpetual movement of fear seeking pleasure. A movement of desire. 

To be time bound. A slave to thought. 

Edited June 18, 2018 by Faceless

[from chaos into self]

Agreed!

 

And one of those relationships is you yourself