Being the bigger person, carrying responsibility

[Eva]

I work female domineering industry and it's as shitty as it gets with the rivalry and disputes. Backstabbing is a daily occurrence. I have a colleague who somehow seems to have a beef with me, I can't figure out why. I don't know if she's like this with everybody or just with me. I have been trying to be neutral with her but it's getting more difficult as the time goes by. Now she found a technical error in my work and tattled our boss about it. She did not confront me first and went straight to our boss instead. 

I surely accept my responsibility for that error. They told me they are going to have a discussion with me about it. I just have a hard time being the bigger person here, yet again. She has made several errors herself, some of which I have talked over with her (trying to be understanding and helping her out with those) and some of which our team has addressed (many of them do it in pretty harsh manner). I have a huge urge to bring out this person's own errors to our bosses attention in this discussion. Obviously, that's my egos defense, since I myself have fucked up. I know it's a petty thought, but I'm kinda pissed off at her. She already tried this kind of a thing before but found out that I wasn't doing anything wrong and backed off, so I'm sure this thing is going to continue in the future. 

Anyone have any good resources to retrieve to? 

[Nahm]

Not bigger, just free. 

[ChimpBrain]

9 hours ago, Eva said:

I work female domineering industry and it's as shitty as it gets with the rivalry and disputes. Backstabbing is a daily occurrence. I have a colleague who somehow seems to have a beef with me, I can't figure out why. I don't know if she's like this with everybody or just with me. I have been trying to be neutral with her but it's getting more difficult as the time goes by. Now she found a technical error in my work and tattled our boss about it. She did not confront me first and went straight to our boss instead. 

I surely accept my responsibility for that error. They told me they are going to have a discussion with me about it. I just have a hard time being the bigger person here, yet again. She has made several errors herself, some of which I have talked over with her (trying to be understanding and helping her out with those) and some of which our team has addressed (many of them do it in pretty harsh manner). I have a huge urge to bring out this person's own errors to our bosses attention in this discussion. Obviously, that's my egos defense, since I myself have fucked up. I know it's a petty thought, but I'm kinda pissed off at her. She already tried this kind of a thing before but found out that I wasn't doing anything wrong and backed off, so I'm sure this thing is going to continue in the future. 

Anyone have any good resources to retrieve to? 

Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink....?

[aurum]

@Eva

Who says you always have to be the bigger person?

Sometimes what is needed is confrontation and to stand up for yourself. Ask her why she went to the boss on you after you helped her out.

When people sense a lack of boundaries, which I believe is what is happening here, they will take advantage of that. You have to define what is acceptable to you and what is not.

And no, boundaries are not being "egotistical". In fact I'd argue the opposite, because people who lack boundaries often do so due out of fear of confrontation or low self-esteem. Not because they're "the bigger person" or "enlightened" or whatever other story they're telling themselves.

Ask yourself: what lesson is this experience trying to show you about you?