I am so pissed off at everything to do with self help

[fireworld]

Have you been able to become the person you want to be? Most likely not and yet most of you carry around the illusion that self help works. In my personal long years experience it doesn't.

There are certain behaviours and outcomes that i have tried to achieve and my failure rate in every single one is 100 percent.

I have studied everything from psychology, mainstream self help, goal setting, self schemas with an emphasis on self concept. I have studied systems theory. I have recently been studying NLP and yet nothing seems to work. 

I feel that it can genuinely explain and understand most of the self help concepts that have ever been created. 

Yet nothing works, how come? How come that a multibillion dollar industry never provides the outcomes it promises. 

For example, I wanted to lose some weight and gain some muscle. That was 1 year ago plus a few months. It was almost completely impossible to stick to this goal irregardless of what I did, affirmations, NLP submodalities work, values elicitation and reorganization. Visualization and even journaling. And yet somehow all my motivation died out and I lost touch and failed. 

I fail like this, most people I know have failed like this, I am starting to think that the idea of personal change or growth is a complete waste of time since humans cannot change. 

They have no free will, can't change and that's that. We a logs flowing in a river only the idiot log thinks it can swim. 

Maybe my assertions are to grim, it's just that I have lost all hope around this. 

I had more women before I started learning about dating, was wealthier before I picked up a business book, and had better connection to mother earth before my meditation practice.

I know people who are way more happy, loving, rich, social, and so on that have never ever stepped into a book store and can barely even read properly.

I am otherwise very positive but I am starting to feel a loss of hope and this is why I am feeling like this right now.

Anyone had a similar experience or can prove me wrong or point me in the right direction?

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Change is harder than most people expect.

It's not that it doesn't work. It works too effectively. The problem is, you don't really want to change, and you're not addressing the root of your issues. No one has shown you how to actually APPLY self-help advice. So you're lost in theory and improper application.

Victim mentality (which is what your entire post is), can be tricky to overcome. Especially when you are first starting out and you're deep in the hole from a lifetime of dysfunctional living.

The good new is: the advice works and the end-results you can get are way beyond your wildest dreams. The bad news is: it will take lots of work to actualize it.

Redouble your efforts, have hope, and drop your victim mentality.

P.S. Getting pissed is part of the process.

[Star Net]

1 hour ago, fireworld said:

Anyone had a similar experience or can prove me wrong or point me in the right direction?

Look. Most of what Leo said is true,

The best thing I can tell You here is : focus on the action , Search and read 5 seconds rule by Mel Robbins.

 

I wish You a happy life

but Wishes and hopes are not enough

 

 

Edited June 15, 2018 by Star Net

[Salvijus]

You probably just doing the wrong things. It doesn't matter how hard you work, if you don't do the right things - right things will not happen to you.

Try angamardhana yogic fitness practice from sadhguru

[Jamie Universe]

4 hours ago, fireworld said:

@fireworld I fail like this, most people I know have failed like this, I am starting to think that the idea of personal change or growth is a complete waste of time since humans cannot change. 

I've done affirmations and its helped me a lot, I have tons of confidence and other stuff now. Also something along the line made me a ton happier, maybe a sense of purpose, or meditation?

[molosku]

Maybe drop all self-help for a while a contemplate your sense of victimhood, its overwhelming in your post. Ground yourself in things you enjoy doing, and eventually start to implement techniques when you feel ready. Practice acceptance, you are already as whole of a human being you could ever be. It's the classic paradox of self help: you need to accept yourself as is and also strive to improve. Balance is key, and finding that perfect balance is never really achieved. It's like balancing on a bicycle, you never just lean right or left. 

You'll get there, good luck! 

[fireworld]

@Leo Gura You might be completely right, it just feels that I should have come a lot further in self help given that I'm 9 years into it..

You are right about the theory part that I have very high levels of it or maybe that I still haven't found the root cause for something but where do I turn to find it?

And as for victim mentality it may be that it is that which holds me back but it doesn't feel like it though. I'm satisfied in life in many ways it's just that so many attempts have been made to change that haven't worked, that's why I feel this way.

But I will take your advice and double my reading and do more of the exercises to see if this helps. Thanks brother.

[fireworld]

@Jamie Universe heres the problem for me I do all that stuff. I actually did sell my PC and was away from the internet for 8 months of the year 2017 in order to deepen my meditation practice. I did 1 hour of forced determined sitting at least daily.

I do 5 minutes of affirmations, 30 minutes of visualization and I then write my affirmation 10 times and then journal. But it hasn't motivated me yet I'm just using every bit of my willpower to push through.

Maybe it's something that I'm missing here but I don't know.

[fireworld]

@molosku I'm thinking I'm going to give this new setup of affirmations and visualization a new try. If it doesn't work I'll give it up for a whole year or something and then come back.

I have decided to try again for 3 to 4 months or the whole of summer which will be enough to see if any change occurs. 

Thanks for the advice ?

[fireworld]

@Leo Gura oh yes Leo, how do I learn to apply what I have learned? Any recommendations? 

[fireworld]

@Star Net I Will give it a try, thanks for the recommendation

 

[furashido]

@fireworld Change is extremly hard, that’s why not so many are interested. It’s like dying in a sense. (it is dying)

What are the resoults you’re looking for? Stop looking for anything and start giving up everything.

Edited June 15, 2018 by furashido

[fireworld]

@furashido For example, I wanted to lose weight. And the way i did this was i planned out a weight loss program with intermittent fasting, tried that for a few months lost the weight and then gained it back.

After that I learned about systems theory from Eben Pagan and decided that I was going to Make it impossible Not to lose the weight so I bought all the healthy food that i was going to need and gave my credit card away to my mother so i had no money to spend for a whole 30 days.

Lost the weight, but eventually it all crept back. 

Then when this happened, I quit my job eventually to try to focus on my businessess, that worked for a while but then my desire for the business died and i couldn't get myself motivated again. 

I know this all sounds werid and even lame, but I just can't seem to create a habit and then have that habit be so deeply ingrained in me that it carries me with it. 

The other goal was meditation, I realized that this may be it, so I sold my PC and from September 2016 to May 2017 I had an old phone with no internet connection and no tv, no pc. Full monk mode, i managed to meditate regularly for these months but eventually i got discouraged by the results and that habit died out aswell.  

These experiences have been quite repetative for me, but I was successfull in my job (top performer in sales), i have a steady circle of friends, around 5 close friends. I have enough money to not work for a year or two, but these damned self helped things just don't want to stick with me haha.

 

 

[Rilles]

14 minutes ago, fireworld said:

@furashido 

Lost the weight, but eventually it all crept back. 

Interesting choice of words... ”crept back” exactly how did it creep back? Weight doesn’t just creep back.

 

 

[Erlend K]

Im sorry to hear that you don't feel like you are making enough progress, @fireworld . Hopefully we can help you out if you provide some more details:

-What are your major short-, mid- and longterm goals? You mentioned losing weight and spending more time meditating. Are these really your main goals? They seem more like means for reaching some goal than as goals in themselves.

-What are the major problems/challenges in your life at the moment?

-What are you currently doing to move towards these goals and overcome these problems?

Edited June 15, 2018 by Erlend K

[Michael569]

perhaps you just failed to understand the process of Mastery. The simplest of them all which is that anything, no matter how exciting in the beginning will become difficult, dull, repetitive and discouraging. And if you are not ready for a ride of pain, you will not make it.

This is what discourages 99% of people from any new endeavour they try to undertake....the fitness commitment is an excelent example. 

Get on that horse and dedicate your whole life to it and if you fail so what... try again the next day. 

[Pernani]

I'm no expert but in my opinion I think motivation is your main problem, it's like you're doing self help just for the sake of doing self help, maybe you don't have a vision for your life, yourself and for what you can create in the long term that is compelling enough, that brings you to tears the moment you think about it and that makes you willing to do anything to achieve it without being attached to achieving it paradoxically, enjoying the process and not being so attached to the outcome, in my opinion that's what brings the most change.

 

[Dan Arnautu]

@fireworld Too much theory, too little action. 10% theory, 90% action, not the other way around. I fell into that trap myself.

Any diet works as long as you stick to it. Any workout regimen works as long as you stick to it. Deploy patience and consistency. There are hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of people that can vouch that the self-help books and techniques work. But only 10% or less of the people that apply the techniques actually have the discipline, patience and vision to stick to them and see the results.

There is no shortcut. You can either get back to work and redouble your efforts or succumb to the victim mentality and remain stuck for the rest of your life. The choice is yours.

Always assume that if the techniques are not working, YOU are the one doing something wrong. That is the case in almost all situations. It has always been for example in my case.

[fireworld]

11 hours ago, Rilles said:

Interesting choice of words... ”crept back” exactly how did it creep back? Weight doesn’t just creep back.

 

 

Of course they don't just creep back, what I meant was that the change doesn't stick. Eventually for example I give in to temptation and miss a few gym workouts and then I can't get the motivation to get back on track, avoid temptation and work out.

[fireworld]

@Dan Arnautu You are absolutely right that persistence and patience is critical to success and I fully understand and apperciate that. I am not trying to have a quick fix or do some trick or something. 

However my experience is that the secret lies in consistent execution over long periods of time, and then you get the outcoume. However, I almost never meet anyone who has been successful in applying what they have learned and actually gain anything from it. Most people get stuck in the theory and stay there, I have done my best to actually produce the result that I am after but after months of intense emotional labour and weak or no results, my motivation dies, and even if I just use brute force eventually my willpower runs out and I revert back to old behaviours.

This is why I sometimes lose hope that it's even possible. Logically it all works out perfect, emotionally and pragamtically it almost never does. As an example of this, we enrolled in a seminar about business, out of the 200+ people who attended only 1 person was able to succeed using the business tactics.

Same is true about Pickup for example, I know countless guys who have bought pickup products and are still virgins.

It may just be that I have understimated how hard change is and that I have to be willing to sacrifice everything for my outcome.