What to do about this girl?

[thehero]

I was really busy but this girl convinced me to come study with her because she was lonely. I said okay fine, but only if we get dinner and socialize with people. (we are friends btw). She agreed

About 90 mins in, she gets a phone call from her friend about a party. So she leaves but says she will be back soon? But I had no idea when soon would be so I said I was gonna just leave too because it was late and I needed to eat. I felt pretty rejected, hurt and angry

 

And then yesterday we scheduled dinner + socializing with people again for Friday. But she messages me saying that she inviting me to hang with her friend on Friday and afterward we can all get our plans done but as a group. But it felt more like, I was tagging along now, instead of us hanging out and then inviting her friend to us hanging out. 

 

Even though we are friends, it feels like I went from being the main course event to now the side course event both times 

 

Are my expectations too high? Am I over-reacting 

On one sense it feels SUPER normal. But on another sense, I feel rejected, hurt & angry 

I'm not interested in hanging anymore

If we schedule something, and you can't come because of an emergency. That's fine

If you want to bring someone. That's fine

 

Sorry, it's bothering me a lot. I hate ruminating about this. 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2018 by thehero

[Hello from Russia]

Do you want to make her your gf\make it more sexual or it's all about friendship you're pissed about? 

[Spiral]

I don't like being someone's company just because they are lonely, to me that means i'm not fun enough as is.  

 

[thehero]

@Spiral I agree. But I was lonely as well, so I went with it. And like you're saying, seems like she doesn't see me as enough, because she picks other people and situations as they arise. At least so it seems and feels like it. Not sure

 

@Hello from Russia Yes, just friends. I don't have intent to date her 

[aurum]

@thehero

It actually sounds like pretty normal behavior considering you guys are just friends. If you were a couple maybe it would be different.

[wavydude]

First of all be honest and ask yourself if you want this relationship to go romantic which is most likely the case. And if not ask yourself what do you want from this relations ship and are you getting it. For example:
She convinced you to keep her company while studying and you wanted to socialazie but she ditched you for some party so basically she get what she wants and you don't. Which is not good of her to do you like that as well not good of you to allow that.

Like you said it is very normal and that's how relationships work. If both parties are honest about what they want and getting it, it works. Otherwise not much, as you see you feel disappointed.

pro tips:

- be forward about what you want
- don't agree to do something unless you really want to do it

- get some male friends to do activities that you're actually interested in 

[YaNanNallari]

you react how you react. 

[merimo28]

On 6/14/2018 at 10:06 PM, Spiral said:

I don't like being someone's company just because they are lonely, to me that means i'm not fun enough as is.  

 

Exactly.

[thehero]

thanks for the tips everyone. she just cancelled plans w me to hang out w a diff friend of ours. she doesnt seem to value my time much ✂️✂️✂️

[Ether]

4 hours ago, thehero said:

thanks for the tips everyone. she just cancelled plans w me to hang out w a diff friend of ours. she doesnt seem to value my time much ✂️✂️✂️

Let go

[Regina Davies]

On 15.06.2018 at 1:42 AM, thehero said:

I was really busy but this girl convinced me to come study with her because she was lonely. I said okay fine, but only if we get dinner and socialize with people. (we are friends btw). She agreed

About 90 mins in, she gets a phone call from her friend about a party. So she leaves but says she will be back soon? But I had no idea when soon would be so I said I was gonna just leave too because it was late and I needed to eat. I felt pretty rejected, hurt and angry

 

And then yesterday we scheduled dinner + socializing with people again for Friday. But she messages me saying that she inviting me to hang with her friend on Friday and afterward we can all get our plans done but as a group. But it felt more like, I was tagging along now, instead of us hanging out and then inviting her friend to us hanging out. 

 

Even though we are friends, it feels like I went from being the main course event to now the side course event both times 

 

Are my expectations too high? Am I over-reacting 

On one sense it feels SUPER normal. But on another sense, I feel rejected, hurt & angry 

I'm not interested in hanging anymore

If we schedule something, and you can't come because of an emergency. That's fine

If you want to bring someone. That's fine

Sorry, it's bothering me a lot. I hate ruminating about this. 

1

2

Yeah, I guess you definitely overdreamed and struggle with high expectations. I'm always catching myself on the idea the less you expect, the less you regret and fewer worries as the result at all!

Edited July 16, 2018 by Regina Davies