A recent insight into meditation habit

[luckieluuke]

Hi, Im new here  Just wantet to introduce myself by sharing a recent insight I had when it comes to meditation habit. 

Almost a year ago I attended a 10 day vipassana retreat. I promised myself to try to meditate almost every day for the rest of my life. But slowly the meditation became more and more difficult, my monkeymind became stronger and not weaker! I did 40 minutes a day, then 20. 
When I sat down to meditate after so many months/days I did it more and more because I promised myself and not because I wanted to. It became a choir. A blind habit I no longer had a connection to its purpose. So i stopped meditation everyday.  

I have realized that is probably the main reason my monkeymind is becoming stronger. I meditate for the wrong reason, afterall there is no "I" that "I" promised right ;-)

Now I do it because I choose to, here and now and aware of the choice. I know I could do other things like playing video games but I choose to meditate. This changed everything! My ego and monkeymind is much weaker and my meditation practice is much stronger! I go much further into the meditation. 

Its really like that with everything I do in life, I need to question my actions and be aware of the consequences. Then when I act I do it with my whole heart. I know this from before i just forgot it. Everyday life has way of pulling you into the mediocre, into numbness.
There are days i don´t have the energy to meditate. And fine, then i don´t meditate. Maybe I need time to "recover" to once again feel the urge to meditate. But I need to be careful not to use this realization as an excuse not to meditate. I also need that discipline to just do it. I need to find a balance. Guess that´s why Buddhism is often reffered to as "the middle way"

Just thought i´d share and hope someone finds it useful

[Salvijus]

Nice insight good for you

[Nahm]

@luckieluuke Nice.  “The Middle Way” ❤️

[PsiloPutty]

Everyday life has a way of pulling you into the mediocre. I like that line, rings true. 

[luckieluuke]

Thanks for the replies
Also noticed how before it was sooo hard to even do 20 minutes when that was my goal. Now i don´t set the time and if its 5 minutes its fine. if 40 then great. I notice I manage much longer with the goal of getting deeper into the meditation instead of "i just have to do the time"

[Charlotte]

1 hour ago, luckieluuke said:

. I notice I manage much longer with the goal of getting deeper into the meditation instead of "i just have to do the time"

Couldn't agree with you more. I've been toying with the idea of no timer and just sitting for as long as I want to. 

[John Iverson]

4 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Couldn't agree with you more. I've been toying with the idea of no timer and just sitting for as long as I want to. 

I do that before! But as time goes by, ego is not disciplined.. he can trick you that you spend enough or you spend long meditation sitting or your mind is very strong that you cannot sit long enough.. the first 3 or 4 months of doing that your mind is not yet triggered, but when mind feel that somehing is loose mind will trick you, or an ego backlash came it will backfired at you .. haha so having a timer is a practice no matter what you commit your self not to open your eyes if the ring is not yet on! Haha... try a lil bit longer! You will notice that timer is a must! Hahaha unless you attain the level of Sadhguru he can sit days i think? There's a video that before he didn't notice the time goes by and he sit for a long period of time... he is not yet Sadhguru that time.. haha, if you can sit for a long period of time.. like 16 hours! You Don't have to bring a timer with you hahaha obviously.

[Salvijus]

@luckieluuke do you know why you are meditating?  

[John Iverson]

5 hours ago, luckieluuke said:

Hi, Im new here  Just wantet to introduce myself by sharing a recent insight I had when it comes to meditation habit. 

Almost a year ago I attended a 10 day vipassana retreat. I promised myself to try to meditate almost every day for the rest of my life. But slowly the meditation became more and more difficult, my monkeymind became stronger and not weaker! I did 40 minutes a day, then 20. 
When I sat down to meditate after so many months/days I did it more and more because I promised myself and not because I wanted to. It became a choir. A blind habit I no longer had a connection to its purpose. So i stopped meditation everyday.  

I have realized that is probably the main reason my monkeymind is becoming stronger. I meditate for the wrong reason, afterall there is no "I" that "I" promised right ;-)

Now I do it because I choose to, here and now and aware of the choice. I know I could do other things like playing video games but I choose to meditate. This changed everything! My ego and monkeymind is much weaker and my meditation practice is much stronger! I go much further into the meditation. 

Its really like that with everything I do in life, I need to question my actions and be aware of the consequences. Then when I act I do it with my whole heart. I know this from before i just forgot it. Everyday life has way of pulling you into the mediocre, into numbness.
There are days i don´t have the energy to meditate. And fine, then i don´t meditate. Maybe I need time to "recover" to once again feel the urge to meditate. But I need to be careful not to use this realization as an excuse not to meditate. I also need that discipline to just do it. I need to find a balance. Guess that´s why Buddhism is often reffered to as "the middle way"

Just thought i´d share and hope someone finds it useful

You didn't notice that is ego backlah  , do your meditation consistently and if you can't meditate consistently until you die... if you can't do that commitment.. don't meditate forever... you are wasting your time.. you cannot make changes by simply meditate if you want to.. commitment is important.. 

[luckieluuke]

12 hours ago, Salvijus said:

@luckieluuke do you know why you are meditating?  

Thats a really tricky question. I don´t know actually. But i got a feeling it helps me. Sometimes i think its just some kind of placebo and that it´s a waste of time. But my 10 day retreat showed me what it can be like with a raised consciousness or whatever happens. I started meditating to calm my mind, to have a happier life. But similar to forcing myself to meditate for a set time I found that if I have a purpose to my meditation it´s probably created by my ego. So i try not to have anye xpectations, I try to see it more as an exploration into exisistance. I´ve got a "gut feeling" that it´s what im supposed to do. Not that I want to become a monk, but like the middle way let meditation be a part of my life as other things are. Like family and friends.

I guess thats why this work is so difficult. You sit and get bored and you don´t even know why you´r doing it. It´s kinda crazy really ;-)

Why do you Meditate @Salvijus ?

Edited June 13, 2018 by luckieluuke

[luckieluuke]

13 hours ago, John Iverson said:

I do that before! But as time goes by, ego is not disciplined.. he can trick you that you spend enough or you spend long meditation sitting or your mind is very strong that you cannot sit long enough.. the first 3 or 4 months of doing that your mind is not yet triggered, but when mind feel that somehing is loose mind will trick you, or an ego backlash came it will backfired at you .. haha so having a timer is a practice no matter what you commit your self not to open your eyes if the ring is not yet on! Haha... try a lil bit longer! You will notice that timer is a must! Hahaha unless you attain the level of Sadhguru he can sit days i think? There's a video that before he didn't notice the time goes by and he sit for a long period of time... he is not yet Sadhguru that time.. haha, if you can sit for a long period of time.. like 16 hours! You Don't have to bring a timer with you hahaha obviously.

Maybe it´s just me and I dont get it, but I find your text really hard to understand. It would help if you spent some time to write more clear and precise. Feels like you just type whatever comes into your mind. Think of me as a kid you need to carefully explain to ;-)

I don´t mean to be rude, and like I said maybe im just slow to not follow!

[Ether]

13 hours ago, John Iverson said:

I do that before! But as time goes by, ego is not disciplined.. he can trick you that you spend enough or you spend long meditation sitting or your mind is very strong that you cannot sit long enough.. the first 3 or 4 months of doing that your mind is not yet triggered, but when mind feel that somehing is loose mind will trick you, or an ego backlash came it will backfired at you .. haha so having a timer is a practice no matter what you commit your self not to open your eyes if the ring is not yet on! Haha... try a lil bit longer! You will notice that timer is a must! Hahaha unless you attain the level of Sadhguru he can sit days i think? There's a video that before he didn't notice the time goes by and he sit for a long period of time... he is not yet Sadhguru that time.. haha, if you can sit for a long period of time.. like 16 hours! You Don't have to bring a timer with you hahaha obviously.

you guys are just fucking around, not serious

[luckieluuke]

 

@Ether wow so you just pop in casting judgment on all the Topics contributors as not serious? Or just me and John? 
Im curious how you can deduce from so little information about me that I am not serious, please explain. A comment like that needs an explanation.

[Ether]

@luckieluuke Im saying that some of the practices you are doing, you are not putting all your effort in. If you did, the odds would be that the monkey mind would be reduced, not increased.

[molosku]

@luckieluuke

Actualized.org 101: Do not reply to Ether.

Srs.

 

[Rilles]

@molosku Hes a nice guy, dont be triggered, detachment 

[molosku]

@Rilles Nice guy or not , I don't know, but what I do observe is that when Ether posts, it's rarely fruitful or encouraging.

 

20 hours ago, luckieluuke said:

When I sat down to meditate after so many months/days I did it more and more because I promised myself and not because I wanted to. It became a choir.

God damnit I can't find it, but in some Rubert Spira video he spoke about loving contemplation. When you contemplate (meditate, inquire) your essential nature, it "should" be the most enjoyable and interesting thing you would like to do at that moment. He said something like "Turning the practice to a chore is absolutely besides the point/travesty to the practice" 

Like all things in life, balance is key. There is time for grinding and striving even when it hurts, and time for loosening up and letting go of the need to practice. The purpose of practice ultimately, is to realize that there is nothing to practice towards anyway (if awakening is your goal).

But that insight must be earned by practicing like a dumb donkey. 

[luckieluuke]

Thanks @molosku for bringing some context to @Ether comment. It seems you are right. And thanks for the Comment above. You are probably right, sometimes you need to keep on fighting even when it seems pointless,  you will reap the rewards in the future. And sometimes just let go off it. It seems similar, even exactly like when you come up with a good idea, a eureka moment: you do the research for a long time. Then you take a step back and relax and the idea will come to you naturally.

[Ether]

25 minutes ago, Rilles said:

@molosku Hes a nice guy, dont be triggered, detachment 

Hahaha