Help with Lyrics!

[zoey101]

Hey guys!

So I have been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone so that I can write some lyrics for my own song. I'm at a blockage point, because I am kind of stuck on the lyrics I have so far. Any advise?

 

Key: 

Black- I'm okay with the wording, but if you have better suggestions let me know  

Orange- Not sure about the word choice

Red- Absolutely hate, but can't think of anything else at the moment. 

 

Verse 1:

What's this feeling inside?

Can't get the thought of your kiss off of my mind

Never thought that love could ever feel this good

Your tender touch

You know I never can hold a grudge

'Cause I could never imagine life without you

By my side

Chorus:

So let's run away, run away

From this place

We can get away, get away

From this craziness

Come follow me, follow me

On this melody, melody

We'll be happy, happy

Once we're finally free!

 

I would love any constructive criticism, please don't be too mean though lol I'm not much of a writer so this is my best try

Thank you

[furashido]

@zoey101 Hey

Its great, go for it.

I would love to hear the music for this. what genre / tempo / key? 

I shortened some phrases and changed / removed some words. I don't know what genre it is, but the simpler, the catchier i think. 

Good luck!

 

What's this feeling inside?

Can't get you off my mind 

Never thought that love would feel this good

Your tender touch 

You know I can't hold a grudge

'Cause I could never see life without you

By my side

Chorus:

So let's run away, run away

From this place

We can get away, get away

From this craziness

Come follow me, follow me

On this melody, melody

We'll be happy, happy

Once we're finally free!

 

 

Edited June 11, 2018 by furashido

[zoey101]

@furashido Thank you. I guess the genre could be pop.

I will try to record these lines during my lunch break and post it so you guys can hear what I'm going for

Edited June 12, 2018 by zoey101

[Ether]

Do you want a second verse?

[zoey101]

@Ether I haven't gotten that far lol but yeah. 

I want 2 verses and a bridge after the second time going through the chorus. but I'm kinda stuck right now

[zenjen]

Verse 1:

What's this feeling inside?

I tried to run, but now I cant hide

Never thought that love could ever feel this good

Always gave more than I should

But now it seems like it's worth a try

'Cause I could never imagine life without you

By my side

Chorus:

So let's run away, run away

From this place

We can get away, get away

From this craziness

Come follow me, follow me

Lets see where it leads

We'll be happy, happy

Once we're finally free!

 

Maybe this will help spark some ideas! Cheers

Edited June 12, 2018 by zenjen

[zoey101]

24 minutes ago, zenjen said:

Verse 1:

What's this feeling inside?

I tried to run, but now I cant hide

Never thought that love could ever feel this good

Always gave more than I should

But now it seems like it's worth a try

'Cause I could never imagine life without you

By my side

Chorus:

So let's run away, run away

From this place

We can get away, get away

From this craziness

Come follow me, follow me

Lets see where it leads

We'll be happy, happy

Once we're finally free!

 

Maybe this will help spark some ideas! Cheers

That's cute   It gives me some ideas for the next verse too  I love the second line a lot, it goes with the whole "care free", "adventurous love" feel that I am kind of leaning towards  

Thank you!! 

I will post the voice recording on my lunch break in an hour hopefully to help everyone get an idea of the flow. I probably should have posted it with the OP but I didn't think about it lol sorry.

[Rilles]

use your five senses to draw the listener in

what is your feeling describe it

TACTILE

is your heart pounding, are your nerves feeling electric, butterflies? etc

VISUAL

when you turn towards me it gives me bliss, you left your scarf it reminds me of our kiss etc

PLACES

i want to leave this rainy city, find a place where the sun is warm etc

 

this technique can improve your lyrics alot of you practice it

 

 

good luck! 

[Ether]

@Rilles dam

[Rilles]

@Ether What?

[zoey101]

@furashido @Ether @zenjen @Rilles

Okay, here is the recording of what it sounds like (just me singing) 

I think I uploaded it correctly lol

2018_06_12_12_07_53.mp3

Let me know what you think  

 

[Rilles]

@zoey101

this is reallyyyyy good! wish there was music too although your voice is a tiny bit nasal maybe its just the recording though

[Ether]

@zoey101 upload it to soundcloud, that doesnt work

[zoey101]

@Rilles No, I'm getting over a cold  that's 100% me lol

Normally I'm much clearer than that

@Ether I have no clue how to do that lol I will look into making an account  Is that the main place to post music like that?

[Rilles]

@zoey101 Do you play an instrument? maybe you can play some simple guitar chords to go with the melody, cus the melody and singing is really strong

[Ether]

@zoey101 yeah me and   @Rilles post our music there

[zoey101]

@Rilles My husband plays. I can maybe ask him to help me I can play cords on a keyboard, but my last one broke T_T Do you have any suggestions for the words, now that you have an idea of the rhythm?

@Ether Cool  I will look into it for sure! Are there other places I should look into?

[Rilles]

@zoey101 If you ever make a professional song you can put it on Spotify, for demos and such Soundcloud and Youtube is fine

Hmm, any ideas... have to listen more a few more times

[zoey101]

@Rilles Okay  thank you!

[Ether]

@zoey101 Youtube and Soundcloud are free. Spotify also works but you need a deal, google play, amazon-