How to Deal With Lack of Confidence with a Disability

[WaterfallMachine]

I have dyspraxia — a motor control disability. I’m not wheelchair bound exactly — though it’d be way easier to get around with one — but I’m a lot more clumsy than the average human being. I’m a lot better at strength exercises for health, but my aim in sports is absolutely terrible.

When walking, I usually have trouble with balance and have trouble walking in a straight line — I usually prefer leaning on walls or even some friends when moving around. My fine motor skills with writing are less developed, and so my hands tire with handwriting more easily. I take a little embarassingly longer to button up my clothes, and some other basic tasks. 

Typing is a simpler movement, and so I prefer communicating online. It’s a disability that’s not as noticeable as many others, and so I spent my life just being pressured because I wasn’t “trying hard enough”. It’s embarrassing, and being much worse at P.E (Physical education) class growing up is still a recurring memory.

Sigh. Sometimes I daydream about being one of those fit athletes I see on many personal development websites, but I’m always slower on these exercises than others. I’m afraid of being made fun of. 

Any idea what to do with my ego and confidence here?

[Guest Quanty]

I had motor issues on the right side of the body, due to hip and knee injuries, to an extent that I could not walk. 

Making breath priority and raising Kundalini, everything comes to when I was a child, or even better. Was painful (torture like, for months), due to the release of energy, but worth it. 

[denydritz]

Hi @WaterfallMachine. I have disabled friends (deaf). They are some of the most friendly and confident people I know (maybe precisely because of their disability). My friends don't view themselves as disabled, only 'different'. They don't see themselves as 'not normal', which is a habit they remember each other to build.

I don't know your precise situation and what are your limits, but confidence is a function of character. People are comfortable with us as long as we are comfortable with ourselves. Even 'normal' people will look awkward if they're not comfortable with themselves, while 'disabled' people will look pleasant if they're comfortable with themselves. Perhaps the key is in accepting or embracing your condition (if there's is nothing you can do to change it)? I understand it can be difficult to look at the bright side when you are feeling down, but there is always a bright side

Cheers!

[WaterfallMachine]

@Quanty Hmm, I’m already aware of these practices and are working on them. Though, thanks for suggesting still.

 

1 hour ago, denydritz said:

Hi @WaterfallMachine. 

I don't know your precise situation and what are your limits, but confidence is a function of character. People are comfortable with us as long as we are comfortable with ourselves. Even 'normal' people will look awkward if they're not comfortable with themselves, while 'disabled' people will look pleasant if they're comfortable with themselves. Perhaps the key is in accepting or embracing your condition (if there's is nothing you can do to change it)? I understand it can be difficult to look at the bright side when you are feeling down, but there is always a bright side

Cheers!

I’ll always be slow on some level on these physical skills, but it can improve to some extent with physical therapy — which I’m working on. 

I know about acceptance, but I guess I have trouble feeling accepted when I don’t admit my problems with motor control. People could see me as lazy in class when I just have trouble writing and need to speak my answers instead. I’ll come off as a little weird when I sit down on a chair instead of standing up in a public speech in class — since my balance gets even worse when anxious.

I’m sure people will be alright with it if I inform them about this condition — though I’m just afraid they won’t believe me. This isn’t one of the more well known and noticeable disabilities. It takes some observation and some experience with me to notice more — such as noticing I always subtly move from left to right since I have trouble keeping myself steady.

And I’m afraid some will not take it seriously. Such as many forms of authority who got angry at me for “not trying” before I was diagnosed.

I guess I’m still affected by memories of those misunderstandings. It’s childhood trauma to an extent. 

Edited June 11, 2018 by WaterfallMachine

[Zweistein]

@WaterfallMachine

I like to think that way: if a person feels uncomfortable around someone with a disability - it's their problem. They are reflecting their insecurity and that they are not capable to handle it. Or they just never learned (e.g., by watching good role models) how to handle it. So, instead of getting angry about it or letting them pull you down or feeling embarrassed, one can always choose to feel a bit sorry for them instead. I give them a smile instead of lecturing them. They simply get my understanding - because everyone is doing the best they can, to their abilities. And I know where they are coming from, I know that all too well actually.

[WaterfallMachine]

@Zweistein Hmm, I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.

[Atic]

My bad because this wouldn't sound practical. But if you are thinking about your disabilities then that's narrowing the bigger picture. I have insecurities but I usually snap back and remind myself to see holistically. As Leo said on his latest video about intelligence, everything is made accordingly but the ego doesn't see this, instead, it ignores. If that doesn't help go deep inside yourself through meditation. That would be going beyond your beliefs on how you think about yourself.

[now is forever]

for some small problems you could also use little helpers in addition. like buttonless shirts. i would invest some time in finding small solutions for your most crucial situations, you want to manage. maybe there are even shoes that can help you. i guess you know about vibration training?

sometimes it's also good to have a joke around that helps to relax a situation (breaking preconceptions of others). 

i had stagefright for no reason for a long time. psychological training for situations can help to manage the situation. what really helped though was experiencing confidence in what i was presenting.

its all just an addition to the inner healing and balance.

Edited June 12, 2018 by now is forever

[WaterfallMachine]

@Joseph Maynor I’m 17. Why the question?

@Atic Well, I’m working on that. I’ve been hanging around the meditation forum often for a reason.

@now is forever Sounds like a good idea. I’m not usually full of humor — my outside persona shows it, but for most of the time I’m alone, and when I’m alone, I tend to be much more serious. Maybe I should try finding humor even in my solitude. 

[now is forever]

2 hours ago, WaterfallMachine said:

 

@now is forever Sounds like a good idea. I’m not usually full of humor — my outside persona shows it, but for most of the time I’m alone, and when I’m alone, I tend to be much more serious. Maybe I should try finding humor even in my solitude. 

i'm often quiet distracted and run around forgetting what i wanted to do at a place, finding myself in patterns, because my mind is full with solving a problem. and i also talk too much - a lot of people don't like that, usually i try to laugh it off, that's possible because i know of my weakness. it's nice if you manage to sometimes just be humorous  with your body - like an old friend - makes you more relaxed about it. that goes for so many conditions.

if a situation scares us we tend to concentrate on the failing, what actually results in the feeling of failing.

best is to make experiences of succeeding happening in not taking the situation too serious. 

a lot of good experiences will make bad experiences fade.

Edited June 12, 2018 by now is forever

[WaterfallMachine]

2 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Did you get made fun of a lot as a kid?

Oh boy, all the time. I was like a bully magnet, and it might have contributed to my own mental health issues growing up.

@now is forever I've had scenarios like that before where I laughed things off as a kid -- I hope I can relearn it even if I'm heading into adulthood and all soon. I've only been diagnosed recently, so it's normal for me to be a little distressed about it, but hopefully it becomes more "normal" to me soon. I guess I'll eventually get used to it.

Thanks.

[now is forever]

@WaterfallMachine during adolescence a friend of mine told me the story of the ugly duckling. she explained to me being different doesn't mean nothing we are different but we have the potential of swans inside of us and we just have to find our real family. wherease the ducks will just stay ducks.