I cant stand seeing girls flirting with other guys

[Sparkist]

As a woman reading through this thread, a few things made me pretttttty wide-eyed lol Interesting reading, I'll say....hmmm

Vibrations have a lot to answer for. I've been around a guy, in the past, in his absolute prime, absolutely killing it in the dating game. He was sexy as hell!!!...and then several months later the same guy was in a rut and couldn't attract anyone, seemingly. No-one wanted to know. Nothing physical had changed. His vibe was totally off and was a complete turn off for all the women he tried dating. All humans pick up on the vibe you're putting out. 

When you are feeling like you need validation from outside of yourself, you are repelling the romantic vibes, for want of a much less cheesy turn of phrase. All you'll get is a whole lotta friend zones, or if you're really down on yourself, you might not even get those. When you don't need validation from anyone and you feel good about yourself, for yourself, you become attractive to many. This is why a lot of people get hit on when they're in relationships but then when they're single and trying to 'pull', they fail. Or why you hear 'you'll find love when you're least expecting it'. Those specifically looking for romance give off a feeling of desperation or neediness, or something. I've done it before, I know that much! But, there's something so alluring about someone who is 'whole' by themselves. This relates to both men and women. 

Easier said than done, mind. And it's a bit of a paradox. 

My suggestion is to spend less time with those who trigger feelings of worthlessness in you, for now. While you figure out some shit. You may be able to deal with it better in the future, or maybe you'll discover you prefer the company of some different sorts by then. 

Either way...tell yourself some good things about yourself. Don't be your own bully...life's too short, and you're too awesome :-) 

 

 

 

[Sparkist]

P.S I note you said 'I truly think I'm a great guy but reality shows i'm not desirable'.

This doesn't make total sense to me. That's kinda like saying 'I know the sky is blue but all my friends are saying it's green so....it must be green!' Either you think you are truly great, in which case **** what anyone else says/does because you KNOW you're awesome and if they can't see it, screw them! OR....you are allowing other people's actions and words to determine your worth. It seems you are dealing with the latter. And that's okay...ya just gotta recognise it and work on it. Me too!  

[Star Net]

@MM1988

44 minutes ago, Sparkist said:

My suggestion is to spend less time with those who trigger feelings of worthlessness in you

Yeah, and make fun of Them, and by the way if They were truely Your friends They must be helping You in this issue a long time ago ( The question that You have to ask Yourself, Are They truely Your friends ? Only You know the answer .. )

50 minutes ago, Sparkist said:

When you don't need validation from anyone and you feel good about yourself, for yourself, you become attractive to many. This is why a lot of people get hit on when they're in relationships but then when they're single and trying to 'pull',

Completely True, and You will discover that after having a girlfriend, its sad that Some girls will try to steal You from Your girlfriend,

53 minutes ago, Sparkist said:

life's too short, and you're too awesome :-) 

Look, She started hitting on You, even before having a girlfriend ... hahaha

47 minutes ago, Sparkist said:

in which case **** what anyone else says/does because you KNOW you're awesome and if they can't see it, screw them! OR....you are allowing other people's actions and words to determine your worth

It was a PUA seminar brought to You by @Sparkist

[KimmyG]

You should try flirting more often.

It's not just trying to get laid 24/7. It's genuinely fun, way more interesting than a simple small talk conversation.

[aurum]

@MM1988

The reason you get angry is due to insecurity. But it's deeper than you think,

Yes, you're mad that they're getting attention and you're not. It makes you feel inadequate and that sucks.

But you know why it really bothers you? Because you know it's bullshit.

You know that guy could be you. You know there's no real reason that you should suck with girls.

Listen. Not being an attractive man is 100% a learned behavior.

It's not "you".

"You" are already good with girls. But you don't know how to tap into it.

All this talk about becoming a monk is just an excuse to take the path of least resistance.

Think about it. The idea of being a monk is something you're probably already fairly comfortable with.

Don't have to socialize. Don't have to face rejection. Don't have to change core beliefs about yourself.

You can just sit in your room and mediate all day.

If you actually want to fix this, do the hard thing.

Go out and interact with girls. Figure out what they want and tap into that.

If you don't like pickup, find some other way. But actually do it.

[thehero]

28 minutes ago, aurum said:

Listen. Not being an attractive man is 100% a learned behavior.

 

I agree. my insecurities fucked me up. 

 

I thought all this time it was because of my looks. but once i started to take care of myself and bust through my comfort zones, people started saying I'm an 8/10 in looks!

What the fuck!!!

I thought I was a 4/10. It was insane 

[MM1988]

Why should I stop associating with my friends? They are not doing it on purpose its just normal for them, its completely on me to get angry about this.

 

I've been trough all that PUA crap and it didnt work out, it actually hit my self esteem pretty hard because I got some of the worst rejections in that phase and no success, some day I was just over with it and tried just living my life and find a girl the "regular" way, after all all my friends didnt need that PUA crap, right? why should I? Well that was about 6 years ago and nothing happened yet, its like I'm cursed. 

 

The good thing about it is that I probably would have never gotten into meditation and philosophy if I had a girlfriends because I wouldnt have to find ways to deal with depression, loneliness and negative emotions. So maybe it all makes sense in the end and it all happened to push me into that direction? I dont know, but I like to think about it that way. I wouldnt quit my meditation now, no matter what happened, thats for sure.

Edited June 11, 2018 by MM1988

[SFRL]

@MM1988 yeah life is just not fair is it? 

[Guest Quanty]

Connect your sexuality with yourself first and see wonders around women. 

[MM1988]

3 minutes ago, Quanty said:

Connect your sexuality with yourself first and see wonders around women. 

how would I go about doing that?

[KimmyG]

7 hours ago, MM1988 said:

how would I go about doing that?

Flirt more. 

 

There is no reason to be ashamed of being attracted to someone.