I think I start depersonalizing from my body

[Nadosa]

Okay, during the last days I have experienced moments where I can rest in awareness but suddenly I felt like I am not this body and now I feel like the body is the ego. It is like I can observe it, my hands moving, not controlling them and I am just awarness observing this body and it is not pleasant. It has been happening since I started meditating. Just two weeks, but I have massive theoretical knowledge.

I am just very confused, I have already experienced Depersonalization but now it feels different and legit, that I am not this body and this knowledge and realization is horrible.

Edited June 9, 2018 by Nadosa

[SFRL]

I have this sensation often as well. It's my little head that starts doing the thinking. It is making all the decisions and telling my body what to do and where to go and what to say. My brain is just observing what's going on. 

Seriously though. I read somewhere that popular belief is that our thoughts control our body. But actually the way our body feels controls to a large control what kind of thoughts are going on in our head. 

So if you start being aware of that effect it makes sense that the body starts to feel like the Ego. 

[Nahm]

@Nadosa Humbling isn’t it?

[Nadosa]

Nah, it is just the ego's comment that is humbling, though living like that is not pleasant. Do you guys live like this permanently?

[SFRL]

No. I don't even consider it a spiritual thing really. Just a piece of knowledge about how our biology works. 

You can just use it to your advantage, do the right things to your body, so your thoughts improve. 

There is such a thing as spirituality but not everything needs to be explained away in a spiritual way. 

That's that's just my view on things. 

[Guest Quanty]

LoL.

[Nadosa]

It makes it difficult to trust my breath.

[Leo Gura]

@Nadosa Try to judge less and be curious about reality more.

REALLY BE CURIOUS about your new situation. It's actually quite cool if you think about it from outside your ego.

It's not horrible, it's just a new perspective on reality.

[furashido]

@Nadosa All transitions are scary at first, but as it becomes your new reality, this too will feel normal after a while.

Its ok.

[egoeimai]

Although you are not the body, its the vehicle for all of this,so u shall respect it.

[Nadosa]

I know, I appreciate it, but it is creepy, especially looking in the mirror...I dont know. During Depersonalization, I feared that I "lost" myself and regained this self, now it just feels like there is no way back: there is no "I" really, but how to come at peace with that, I need to do so much for my life at the moment, everything connected to my role as "me". Just thinking about it is kind of creepy.

Knowledge comes to me in waves, just because of one strange event, Ive got it all, that I just act out of conditioning, mind patterns, and I am not the one in my head. Somehow without practising at all. But maybe this "awareness" thing is also just a thought. I mean, I can somehow think myself into it.

Edited June 9, 2018 by Nadosa

[furashido]

@Nadosa

 I don't have any answers for you, except that i have been where you are, and just as confused. You feel totally lost in reality without knowing what's real anymore. My only advice is to find your center in all of this. Meditate on it. Find acceptance and don't try to control everything. It is what it is and you are in it. Aren't you curious to find out more about your self, life and existence? Then trust in that.

If you think about it, you can still do everything you have to do, but in a free manner. If you feel separated from your self, then use it. Also, there is a time when the insights and the knowledge comes in strong waves and in short intervals, but that's just you catching up. And it will take a lot out of you, but you can take it otherwise you wouldn't get it. It will slow down eventually.

Its times like this when we are put to the test. Will is everything.

My master used to tell me : "you have been shown, the question is what you are going to do now".

Edited June 10, 2018 by furashido