Regressing a little too much for comfort

[MisterMan]

Have regressed pretty hard, i find myself really battling with addiction in general. That attachment to the idea or want of something through the habits i have formed is something i just have so much trouble breaking free of.  If i can stave of craving for drugs, lust comes into play and i just whack off. That further ingrains in me the state of being where i continue on the path of constantly seeking the next thing which i think will make me happy even though i know it is short term and i'll be in the same place tomorrow.

This regression can also be expressed or sparked off by mindlessly escaping into role playing games OR doing drugs.

Any one of those things kind of things set me back in my old ways and i start cycling around the same bullshit  over and over again. Constantly seeking, and opiate addiction really hammers in the physical withdrawls and it's just a brutal and mindless cycle. In moments of clarity, short precise photographic or frame like feelings. Which i assume is my true self actually expressing itself It's actually telling me how tiring it is for awareness to continuously run around everyday with so much  mental energy focussed on the idea that i need that fix now.

The ONE good thing is that in the last months, i did enough to break the cycle for long intervals. Granted i was still on a government tapering program but it really got me on some good routines allowed me to stop constantly thinking about using and meditated daily, did inner work with psychedelics, and have been going to a psychologist. I even joined a bhuddist temple near my house that had a 2 hour class type thing. Really cool stuff.

As i was able to get a stable distance from my old habits i can now revisit the same place knowing there is another conditioning i can kind of continue cultivating whenever i choose. It's just these habits cloud your mind and you become mindless very quickly. I can see myself regressing frighteningly close to where i was at my worst. Too close for comfort. 

I Post this because i could really use some kind  hearted advice. I know it's ridiculous me asking this at the same time because if i really wanted to change i would. But it could help.

[PT89]

We all have dark times and addictions can be extremely tough to beat.  I think a valuable lesson to learn when trying to conquer any addiction is not to beat yourself up when you fail, as it's those negative thoughts that work to perpetuate the cycle.

Even if you think you're back at square 1, you're definitely not.  Just in writing what you did, shows how conscious you are of everything that's going on in your life, and the progress you've made.  What you see as failure is not really failure unless you see it as such.  Try viewing it instead as another lesson, another opportunity where you were able to become more conscious.  From my experience, results with this personal development work manifest very slowly, and it's difficult to notice these changes without being very conscious in the first place (catch 22).  My best advice would be to just keep at it, have faith, and watch some eckart tolle videos while you're at it if you're feeling overwhelmed/down and out.

Cheers!

[MisterMan]

thank you

[furashido]

@MisterMan This is good. think of those who never get those moments of clarity and are in a constant state of addiction/ non awareness and on autopilot perminantly. 

Within those moments of clarity you can be aware of the damage that is being done. Use those moments as an adress and strive to find your way back when you get lost. 

Within time the intervals will be shorter and you will be able to focus on what’s actually good for your being, as you will notice even the subtle nuances of difference substances / foods / thoughts / ego / sex / relationships and etc makes on you. 

Don’t give up. 

 

 

Edited June 10, 2018 by furashido

[MisterMan]

Lol, it lasted 1 second. Happened once, but it made an impression because it was a new thought. A new perspective.

But yeah, lot's to do and let go of.

Thanks

Edited June 10, 2018 by MisterMan