I swear, being in the midst of awakening and transition from school to working/adult

[Nadosa]

life is so hard. I mean, I get so much damn pressure from my parents and simultaneously my identity is shattered to the point where I question everyday if I was even born and if they even are my parents, because I am just consciousness, all the connectios break down, I feel sometimes suicidal, then I can somehow focus on my life in society, but this shit is too much. Too much switching back and forth, being forced to start a shitty profession I dont even want to because I dont want to disappoint my parents. At the same time I am so lazy because I am so depressed all the time, going through one day is so exhausting. Why is it even worth if I am not this body at all, this is all ego.

I dont even know where to start, I have established a meditation practise now, sitting quietly for 20mins a day. Right now I am scrolling through job advertisements and I feel like: "for what are you doing that? Seriously not for you." It feels wrong doing some normal shitty job. I graduated last year, I'd be able to study, but I am so deep in my mind that it totally turned me into a dumb zombie, like seriously. My therapist told me I'd be labelled as philosopher if I wasnt so panicky about my thoughts. And I seriously feel like there is nothing really pleasant waiting for me to work for. I am just thinking on a whole other level than so many people in my age.

Edited June 7, 2018 by Nadosa

[zoey101]

29 minutes ago, Nadosa said:

life is so hard. I mean, I get so much damn pressure from my parents and simultaneously my identity is shattered to the point where I question everyday if I was even born and if they even are my parents, because I am just consciousness, all the connectios break down, I feel sometimes suicidal, then I can somehow focus on my life in society, but this shit is too much. Too much switching back and forth, being forced to start a shitty profession I dont even want to because I dont want to disappoint my parents. At the same time I am so lazy because I am so depressed all the time, going through one day is so exhausting. Why is it even worth if I am not this body at all, this is all ego.

I dont even know where to start, I have established a meditation practise now, sitting quietly for 20mins a day. Right now I am scrolling through job advertisements and I feel like: "for what are you doing that? Seriously not for you." It feels wrong doing some normal shitty job. I graduated last year, I'd be able to study, but I am so deep in my mind that it totally turned me into a dumb zombie, like seriously. My therapist told me I'd be labelled as philosopher if I wasnt so panicky about my thoughts. And I seriously feel like there is nothing really pleasant waiting for me to work for. I am just thinking on a whole other level like so many people in my age.

What do you want to do in life? If there was absolutely NOTHING holding you back from doing it?

[Nadosa]

Probably music. Just music. But I cant do that. Not in my family. And I cant do it because of lack of future opportunities.

[Pernani]

Just now, Nadosa said:

life is so hard. I mean, I get so much damn pressure from my parents and simultaneously my identity is shattered to the point where I question everyday if I was even born and if they even are my parents, because I am just consciousness, all the connectios break down, I feel sometimes suicidal, then I can somehow focus on my life in society, but this shit is too much. Too much switching back and forth, being forced to start a shitty profession I dont even want to because I dont want to disappoint my parents. At the same time I am so lazy because I am so depressed all the time, going through one day is so exhausting. Why is it even worth if I am not this body at all, this is all ego.

I dont even know where to start, I have established a meditation practise now, sitting quietly for 20mins a day. Right now I am scrolling through job advertisements and I feel like: "for what are you doing that? Seriously not for you." It feels wrong doing some normal shitty job. I graduated last year, I'd be able to study, but I am so deep in my mind that it totally turned me into a dumb zombie, like seriously. My therapist told me I'd be labelled as philosopher if I wasnt so panicky about my thoughts. And I seriously feel like there is nothing really pleasant waiting for me to work for. I am just thinking on a whole other level like so many people in my age.

This is why I didn't wanna go too deep with enlightenment stuff, I'm in the same transition point as you are, I have the pressure from my parents and the confusion, although I do meditate an hour a day I'm nowhere near questioning everything around me, I would suggest you start exercising to get out of your head a bit and into your body, it definitely helps me, also maybe take the life purpose course so you have to look forward to that motivates you theough the day, stay strong man!

[zoey101]

17 minutes ago, Nadosa said:

Probably music. Just music. But I cant do that. Not in my family. And I cant do it because of lack of future opportunities.

Why not? I want to do music too  it's amazing. There is nothing stopping you  

Because of my daughter, I have a full time job, but my long term plan is to use the money I make here to fund my passion  I haven't started yet, but I know I will still go for it

You can be anything you want as long as you make choices and follow the path you choose. If you think that you should just go straight for it, then do it! But if your plan involves needing more finances to do it, then get a job, push through it and use the money to help your dreams

Edited June 7, 2018 by zoey101