Love Vs Attraction

[Shroomdoctor]

Okay I have the following issue:

My current girlfriend is really emotionally repressed though recieving very little love in her childhood. I have always been a really loving guy in a relationship, but as we all know, loving attention from a guy seems to loosen attraction massively. I don't really know how to balance what I know about attraction (being "manly", detached, not opening up about your own feelings, push/pul etc.l), and loving kindness (attention, heartfullness, truthfullness, compassion etc.) I feeli like I want to give her all the love she never got but I fear that might have the opposite effect - her loosing interest.

@aurum 

How do you reconcile that?

Edited June 5, 2018 by Shroomdoctor

[Ether]

Stop thinking about what would be attractive to her and just follow your heart.

[aurum]

@Ether

First major discintion you have to make is between what is ACTUALLY love and what people have been conditioned into believing is love. For many people, love = neediness. When in fact the exact opposite is true, love can't need anything.

One of the best examples of this in mainstream culture is the movie Bruce Almighty with Jim Carrey. Watch that shit if you haven't, it's hilarious and actually makes some real lessons if you're capable of seeing them.

Basically what happens is that Jim really, really wants to love his girl and for her to love him back. It doesn't work and he ends up tanking the relationship.

The redemption in the movie happens when Jim switches his mindset from "I want this girl because she makes me happy" to "I want her to be happy, EVEN IF THAT MEANS WE ARE NOT TOGETHER". That's ironically when they get back together.

In essence, Jim moved from having a fearful intention to a loving one.

So you don't want to do anything out of fear. This requires high degrees of self-awareness, because you have to be conscious enough of what your true intentions are.

Are you pulling away because you're afraid of getting hurt? Or are you pulling away because she crossed a boundary?

Did you get her that gift because you're afraid she might leave otherwise?  Or did you get it because it's a representation of how you feel about her?

Did you not text her back because you were trying to "be aloof"? Or did you not text her back because you were too busy dominating your path and your mission to even remember?

It's the subtleties that make the difference, not the gross.

It's also just the basic principles of pickup extended. If you buy a girl a drink because that's what society told you to do and you feel like you have to buy her attention, you're a loser and you suck. Hence why the front row of every strip club is called "perverts row".

But Dan Bilzerian can fly girls in private jets and shit because he has high status subcommunication and brings the fucking FUN.  Every guy who is looking to get better with girls should study that guy.

[Ether]

@aurum I enjoyed reading that  

Nobody is a loser though, you are still identified with those ideas

[Shroomdoctor]

@aurum good read. Thanks.

[egoeimai]

Reconcile with your fear,that's stoppng you from being the real you.

[Shroomdoctor]

@egoeimai how do you all know my shit so well. ?

[egoeimai]

4 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

@egoeimai how do you all know my shit so well. ?

yeah,its common that's why ?

[Greys0n]

I thik you should be yourself and don't bother too much

[Hello from Russia]

@aurum very precise, especially parts about being "aloof" while texting and gifting

[Spiral]

@Shroomdoctor People want to be shown love differently, discover how she wants to. They are referred to as "Love Languages".  By selecting the right one(s) you can maximize the positive effect while minimizing the harm.

Here is a video on it.

 

Edited June 7, 2018 by Spiral