Waves

[WindInTheLeaf]

As I'm sitting by the lake in the still night that is vibrating with life and light, i am struck by a sudden insight. The biggest realizations seem to come when I least expect it; when I'm not even looking for them. 

As I watched the wavy surface of the lake playing with a beam of light, I noticed how the beam was broadest and dimmest where the water vibrated the most, while it disappeared at a point near its middle where the surface was completely still. It captured me and send me on a journey of inquiry. As i was contemplating why the beam interacted with the water in such a way, it started to 'straighten' out, almost as if the lake heard my question. I wondered, whether i had any direct influence on the change taking place right in front of me. I noticed how my field of focus could not extend to the whole wavy beam, and how it acted more chaotic outside the boundaries of my focus. Whether or not i had any part in the change, it made me realize how i only have a certain amount of attention, and how focusing on something makes that which lies beyond more unknown/uncertain. 

Some time ago i realized how we live in a society in which our attention is divided between a multitude of things on a daily basis, and how the truth is obscured even more by our own troubled pasts. Now i realize how it is all me. Society does not cloud my attention and divide my focus; i cloud my attention and divide my focus through society. The world only exists as an idea in my mind, and i apply certain values to what is to shape it. Everything is vibration, waves of energy or uncertainty that i make into things of perceived certainty. Through misconceptions about reality i have gotten lost in myself, and created a puzzle that i'm now trying to solve to become whole. I realized we are all the same, and that everyone is on a journey to get lost and found; that we are all the enlightened one, who has fooled heirmself (her+him=heirm?) down a path and tries to retrace heirs steps. Reality/now lies behind the ideas we have of it; ideas that are formed in our 'past'. Our perceived past is the story of the ego, which is the veil that lies before us, and (dis)solving it will bring us to pure experience.

After a while, the thought of sharing the experience on here started to form, and as i contemplated how to write it, i started losing touch with the moment and the realization. When i attempt to describe an intuitive realization that i have had through direct experience, i tend to lose touch with the realization. Words always fall short, and often shade the truth rather than illuminate it. Yet here i am, attempting to describe the indescribable, hoping that someone will see something in these words that may help them on their own journey. This was very egoic, better lose myself again.