Girlfriend sad because I want to travel with my friends

[Santiago]

Hi all, I usually go hiking with my friends a couple times a year.

Now for seven months I have a girlfriend and so I skipped the last hike so I could go on a vacation with her, but now there is another hike and I want to go with my friends. Including her in the trip is impossible because she needs attention all the time, so if I want to talk for a while with one of my friends she probably won't feel good, and it will probably bring drama. 

Now I told her that I am planning to go for a couple weeks with my friends and she is super sad, says she feels betrayed and hurt. When we don't see each other for 3 days she always says she misses me, she can't bare to be without me for a week for example.

The idea of the trip is to do 6 days hiking and then 6 days to the beach, and she wanted at least to join me for the beach so me and her go our way and leave the group. The problem with this is that I feel I am missing on a lot of things with my friends, I already skipped one trip to be with my gf, now if I skip the beach part I will be spending only half a trip with my friends.
 

Opinions?

PD: she knew before being my girlfriend that I go hiking with friends a couple times a year.

[SFRL]

You should go do the trip with your friends, without her. 

It's typical female behaviour. First they want you to give up those activities. Then you do. Then they start to loose attraction for you because 'you have changed'. And you became a regular lame dude. 

The whole reason she is actually attracted to you is that you are a guy with your own life who is doing shit. So keep doing that. 

 

Edited June 4, 2018 by SFRL

[Cammy]

Go with your friends. She sounds clingy. You may develop a feeling of resentment towards her as she isn't giving you your freedom to chase the things you love. You have to do what makes you happy. 

[zoey101]

@Santiago Coming from a girl who used to be just like that, go with your friends. She isn't your wife, she isn't your baby-mamma or anything like that so she has no authority to tell you what you can and cannot do on your own time.

You told her how you were from the beginning. She has a problem with that? then she can find a guy that wants to waste his life away on the couch everyday with her. You aren't doing her or yourself any favors by encouraging this behavior.

She will have to grow up some day, and you can either help her do that by not being her "yes man", or wait till reality is ready to smack her right in the face (this is what happened with me, not fun). 

[Star Net]

Hi @Santiago  @SFRL  @zoey101

 

On 04.06.2018 at 8:10 PM, SFRL said:

It's typical female behaviour. First they want you to give up those activities. Then you do. Then they start to loose attraction for you because 'you have changed'. And you became a regular lame dude. 

Thats right ...

 

 

On 04.06.2018 at 7:38 PM, Santiago said:

Hi all, I usually go hiking with my friends a couple times a year.

Now for seven months I have a girlfriend and so I skipped the last hike so I could go on a vacation with her, but now there is another hike and I want to go with my friends. Including her in the trip is impossible because she needs attention all the time, so if I want to talk for a while with one of my friends she probably won't feel good, and it will probably bring drama. 

Now I told her that I am planning to go for a couple weeks with my friends and she is super sad, says she feels betrayed and hurt. When we don't see each other for 3 days she always says she misses me, she can't bare to be without me for a week for example.

The idea of the trip is to do 6 days hiking and then 6 days to the beach, and she wanted at least to join me for the beach so me and her go our way and leave the group. The problem with this is that I feel I am missing on a lot of things with my friends, I already skipped one trip to be with my gf, now if I skip the beach part I will be spending only half a trip with my friends.
 

Opinions?

PD: she knew before being my girlfriend that I go hiking with friends a couple times a year.

Be balanced in treating Her, which means, Do not hurt Her by not giving Her any time or place in Your life, and in the same time do not hurt Yourself by giving up all Your life and activities for Her Drama or selfishness, and be aware that if She wants to be with You that much maybe because She loves You not because She is selfish ( make sure about that !!! )

On 04.06.2018 at 7:38 PM, Santiago said:

I skipped the last hike so I could go on a vacation with her

 

On 04.06.2018 at 7:38 PM, Santiago said:

Now I told her that I am planning to go for a couple weeks with my friends and she is super sad,

You did Your part and You gave Her time already last time, Now its time to have a discussion with Her about Her behaviour, When You will be discussing this topic with Her be honest and do not let Her play on Your emotions by Her drama, and remember leaving Her for a duration of time from time to another is healthy thing for You and Her in this relationship, everyone needs space even if You do not have trip ...

 

Have a nice Trip, Without Her Of course

 

8 hours ago, zoey101 said:

@Santiago Coming from a girl who used to be just like that, go with your friends. She isn't your wife, she isn't your baby-mamma or anything like that so she has no authority to tell you what you can and cannot do on your own time.

You told her how you were from the beginning. She has a problem with that? then she can find a guy that wants to waste his life away on the couch everyday with her. You aren't doing her or yourself any favors by encouraging this behavior.

She will have to grow up some day, and you can either help her do that by not being her "yes man", or wait till reality is ready to smack her right in the face (this is what happened with me, not fun). 

Sorry to hear that ...

[zoey101]

@Star Net its no biggy  I'm a better person for it all now lol 

[Santiago]

Thank you for the advice guys!

I am going to travel without her, but it's still hard, she is super sad and since I love her it's hard for me too to see her sad. I know that it's for the better and that she needs to grow up (and so do I), but it's hard!
 

On 7/6/2018 at 0:53 AM, Star Net said:

Be balanced in treating Her, which means, Do not hurt Her by not giving Her any time or place in Your life, and in the same time do not hurt Yourself by giving up all Your life and activities for Her Drama or selfishness, and be aware that if She wants to be with You that much maybe because She loves You not because She is selfish ( make sure about that !!! )

I don't know how to differentiate if she is being somewhat selfish or if she just loves me and wants to be with me... she has problems whenever I spend time with other people and have fun without her, she feels insecure I think.
On the other hand she mentioned that if she had a trip with a friend or something to do when I am traveling it would be much easier for her to handle it, which makes me think that it's also the fact that she has nothing to do while I am traveling and having fun, and not that much that she misses me... She told me that if she is traveling and distracted with new things she won't be spending as much time thinking about me, and so she wouldn't miss me as much.


Thanks again!

[egoeimai]

2 minutes ago, Santiago said:

Thank you for the advice guys!

I am going to travel without her, but it's still hard, she is super sad and since I love her it's hard for me too to see her sad. I know that it's for the better and that she needs to grow up (and so do I), but it's hard!
 

I don't know how to differentiate if she is being somewhat selfish or if she just loves me and wants to be with me... she has problems whenever I spend time with other people and have fun without her, she feels insecure I think.
On the other hand she mentioned that if she had a trip with a friend or something to do when I am traveling it would be much easier for her to handle it, which makes me think that it's also the fact that she has nothing to do while I am traveling and having fun, and not that much that she misses me... She told me that if she is traveling and distracted with new things she won't be spending as much time thinking about me, and so she wouldn't miss me as much.


Thanks again!

Oh god!

Love can't blossom if there's neediness.Don't call this love. Lol

Move on.

[SFRL]

@Santiago sometimes they just got to be bratty man. You got to love them for it. 

Remember: "A spanking a day keeps the brattyness away". 

Vitamin D cures a lot of their symptoms as well. 

 

[Star Net]

Hi @Santiago @egoeimai

25 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Oh god!

Love can't blossom if there's neediness.Don't call this love. Lol

Easy on the girl ...

 

I do not know How old is She, Maybe She does not know what does love mean yet, Maybe She is feeling it but She does not know how to express it by Her action correctly, ( Keep that in Your mind ), and if that is the case Maybe You can teach Her about that in some way.

11 minutes ago, Santiago said:

I don't know how to differentiate if she is being somewhat selfish or if she just loves me and wants to be with me

My friend, 

1 -If Someone loves someone truely, He or She will prefer the other person's benefits over Her or His benefits So the other person's benefits comes in the first place ( Because He or She loves the other person truely ),

2 - and if He or She always prefer His or Her benefits over the other person's benefits So His or Her benefits comes in the first place ( That means He or She is selfish ),

Life situations will separate the first type of people from the second type, What You have to do is to observe and notice the actions of the other person and not neglecting those actions so that You can understand the other person correctly,

 

Important thing : Read about personality types in psychology, it helps You alot dealing with GFs, Family, Friends and other people ...etc its important.

[Star Net]

@Santiago  I forgot to mention something

" Do not forget to kiss Her at the time You are leaving even if She was feeling a little sad "

Have a nice Trip

 

Edited June 10, 2018 by Star Net

[egoeimai]

@Star Net 

Thing is,Santiago has to understand that the situation he is into ain't love,so even if he leaves her,he shouldn't be afraid of losing quite a catch or sth for she is not. She is just an insecure girl that needs attention(so common,I don't say that is wrong,she will not always be like that) she doesn't see the difference between love and attachment yet,so my part is to let him know that whenever she decides to leave him (cause she won't get the attention no more) she will*. So the best thing Santiago can do is to eventually let her go,leave her for the sake of her growth. Best decision.

 

*not saying that he should be afraid of her leaving him,just saying that attachment is a vicious circle,you don't always get the attention you seek for,so if there's not love between them,this will end anyway.If she doesnt get the attention then she will leave and search attention elsewhere,if she doesn't cure from that she will do it again to the next guy.

[Star Net]

7 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Thing is,Santiago has to understand that the situation he is into ain't love,so even if he leaves her,he shouldn't be afraid of losing quite a catch or sth for she is not. She is just an insecure girl that needs attention(so common,I don't say that is wrong,she will not always be like that) she doesn't see the difference between love and attachment yet,so my part is to let him know that whenever she decides to leave him (cause she won't get the attention no more) she will*. So the best thing Santiago can do is to eventually let her go,leave her for the sake of her growth. Best decision.

 

*not saying that he should be afraid of her leaving him,just saying that attachment is a vicious circle,you don't always get the attention you seek for,so if there's not love between them,this will end anyway.If she doesnt get the attention then she will leave and search attention elsewhere,if she doesn't cure from that she will do it again to the next guy.

Well, I knew a girl that left Her boyfriend because She was not getting attention from Him for like 4 days, of course that is not love, ( Thats separate the attention seekers from real lovers ) or at least as I think ...

 

But We have to keep in mind that if We are in love with someone We have to give Him or Her an attention, and He or She have to understand that Sometimes She or He will not get that amount of attention because of life events, for an example ( We could be having an accident, and We could be losing consciousness ....etc ) So How can She or He get attention from Us, Thats impossible..

 

What I am trying to say is

" The person We love needs some amount of Our attention of course, and the Same person need to understand that He or She will not always get that amount of attention all the time "

So There Must be a balance between Demanding the attention and understanding

and the attention is about giving and taking for each person in the relationship and so is the understanding

[SFRL]

@Santiago they are all overcomplicating things man. 

I have read nothing that makes me think she doesn't love you. 

She is just a brat. She needs to get spanked. 

That's all there is to it. 

And you should just do what you are going to do. Like a man is ought to do. 

I don't think your issues with her are that big honestly. 

Women man, they are just like little children often. There is not much difference between a girl shit testing you and a toddler shit testing you. 

You need to adopt this mindframe that she is just a little bratty, and you are Daddy, and you adopted her. 

She might be acting as bratty as she wants, sometimes you will have to correct her, but you love her anyways. 

 

Edited June 11, 2018 by SFRL

[Ether]

@SFRL lmao, you into some kinky shit

[Star Net]

On 10.06.2018 at 11:50 PM, SFRL said:

She might be acting as bratty as she wants, sometimes you will have to correct her, but you love her anyways. 

I agree with You.

Edited June 12, 2018 by Star Net

[Greys0n]

explain that you need more space, if she doesn't understand it then it's her problem

[SFRL]

1 hour ago, Greys0n said:

explain that you need more space, if she doesn't understand it then it's her problem

Yeah just don't use the word 'space' because that's codeword for: "I am going to break up with you". 

 

[Santiago]

Thanks for the advice guys.

Yesterday I talked with her and told her that I wanted to travel without her, that we could meet at the 9th day and go to the beach together, without the rest of the group for a week.

She didn't like it, she can't understand how I could want to experience amazing things like traveling without her. We came to the conclusion that she doesn't want a relationship where this happens, where one goes traveling without the other. And I don't want a relationship where I can't travel with my friends, without her...

She then told me crying that she wouldn't be able to handle it, that she can't do it, and that she didn't want to lose me.


To be honest, I am not  a guy that pretends to travel all the time alone without her, but maybe once a year for 10 days... And she seems to not be able to handle that, but still I don't want to lose her and she doesn't want to lose me.
Problem is that in this particular case there is no middle ground, the travel I am doing is a hike in the middle of the jungle and there is no route out once you are in, until you reach the end, so she can't join in at day 5 or so. She has to wait 9 days until we can meet each other.

 

On the other hand she isn't even 100% sure if she would go to the trip if I invite her, because she doesn't like the hike we want to do and she doesn't want to share with my friends, she would only go to be with me, which makes me think the whole idea is TERRIBLE, because:

*She doesn't want to do that hike, she prefers traveling to other places

*She doesn't have interest in sharing with my friends, only in being with me, which can be really bad if I want to be with my friends too.

*She would have to spend money and time doing something she doesn't really want, so how can it end well even if she goes?

*She is a person that needs attention and is very emotional, and I suppose based on whas has happened so far in the relationship that If I pay too much attention to my friends and not to her it will be a disaster.

 

She says that:

*She is the one to decide if she wants or doesn't want to go, so my concern about it being a mess because she doesn't even like it is invalid, she can go knowing that she doesn't like it and be ok (I don't think so but that's what she says). And also she decides where to spend her money and time.

*I don't really know if it would go wrong, I only have suppositions that she will feel bad if I pay attention to my friends.

 

I mean, how can it not go wrong if she only goes to be with me, but doesn't even want to go to the place or to share with the people?? And also in the past we have had ridiculous jealousy scenes, which lead me to feel like the trip will be a mess if I go with her and my friends.
Also let's suppose that she can handle it and she won't make a scene if I pay attention to my friends, how can I be calm and enjoying with my friends knowing in the back of my head that she might be feeling bad about it??

[SFRL]

@Santiago just go she will live. 

*Don't let people poison drip on your relationship. I do think she does love you. 

But you got to do your own shit man.