Awkwardness

[Why?]

What is the source of all awkwardness in conversations and what strategise do you suggest to overcome it?

[Spiral]

Something that is social inappropriate, like meeting someone only to not talk to each other. Why because the intention was to talk verbally so not doing so is a failure. 

How to prevent being awkward?

Develop a sense of what is appropriate topics to talk about and how to talk about them and with whom. Body language can also play a role.

But how?

Well practice makes perfect ? you can also have friends or family give you pointers about what you do wrong. 

Also if you feel like a conversation is awkward that feeling will spread even if the conversation isn’t normally considered awkward. If the conversation is awkward but you are none reactive to that awkwardness you can reduce other people feeling of awkwardness.

Edited June 1, 2018 by Spiral

[LastThursday]

Social situations have rules of engagement. These are mostly to aid smooth communication and non-hostile behaviour. Some of these rules are very subtle. Awkwardness occurs when one of the people in a conversation breaks a rule.

For example take eye contact. If you don't make eye contact at all that is breaking a rule, as you should make eye contact with the person you are speaking to. If you don't, the other person may feel uncomfortable or awkard. On the other hand too much eye contact may be seen as aggression or sexual interest, which may be inappropriate for the situation - a rule is broken and again 'awkwardness'.

Most people will naturally know how much eye contact is acceptible and thus avoid awkardness. Some people may not be so good at this and are seen as 'socially awkward'.

Having good strategies is hard, there are very many rules to adhere to and you have to apply them in 'real time', there is generally no time to think in a flowing conversation.  Your only two friends a practice and lots of it, and being very aware. But use any 'awkwardness' as a sign that you or the other person has broken a rule and learn from those mistakes.

[aurum]

@Why?

If you want to get really subtle and talk root cause, I'd argue it's because one or all of the participants conversation have fallen out of the flow.

What I mean by that is there's this sort of natural way in which a conversation tends to evolve. The energy is flowing freely with no resistance from anyone.

But when someone starts thinking too much or has too much of an agenda, what happens is they start resisting the flow. They think the conversation "should" go somewhere else. And that's what creates the awkwardness.

I know this is very esoteric so let me give a practical example.

Have you ever had an experience where you're in a group conversation and you thought of something really clever or funny to add. But before you could chime in, the topic changes onto something completely different.

In that moment, the energy of the conversation has shifted. The flow is moving in a different direction.

If you were present to the moment and just enjoying yourself, you'd let it go. You'd accept that that the conversation has moved on and that your clever remark is no longer relevant.

BUT, if you were insecure or attached to "looking cool" or "having to say the right thing", you'd get anxious. Everyone was going to finally approve of you when you made that clever remark, and now you're losing the opportunity! Quick, make sure to inject it into the conversation anyway! You might not be able to think of another one later...

Of course if you did this, it immediately would be awkward. Everyone would wonder why you were bringing back this topic that clearly everyone else had moved on from. And it would completely derail the current flow of things.

Ironically, because of your desire for approval and inability to remain cool, now everyone actually does think you're weird. You actually spent more energy and got a worse result than if you had done nothing at all.

[Ether]

Because you think certain topics are inappropriate, you are weird\failure, inferior to the other person.