More Questions for Leo: 30 day blog video

[Sempiternity]

*note* I'm really asking Leo here and hope he has the time to answer. I'm not looking for every Joe blo's opinion from their beliefs. I'm not interested in opinions. If you really think you can answer these questions, from actual experience, and not coming from a place of feeding your Ego's importance, then yes please, I'd love to hear your wisdom. 

In the video, you talk abut it taking the will to give up literally everything, including the will to live, to become Enlightened / Awake. You have to 100% commit and surrender to dying. Not 99%, but 100% giving up your life totally and completely. The will to pull the trigger, but 1000 times worse, as your killing yourself over years or decades. Watching everything in your life, everything you love, all slowly die off piece by piece. Sounds like the worst misery. But, you're saying this is the only way to actually wake up. The Only way out of the suffering. The only way to ever actually feel true love for anything.

But here's the problem I have. I've already died. I've stopped breathing, turned grey, lips blue, and felt the numbness and darkness envelope me. Felt my life fade away into nothingness. I got to the very very edge of forever death. And in that moment, on that edge, I said 'No, no I will not go now! I will fight with my very last bit of will to not go over that edge. I had more will than I ever have in my life to stay alive. And I did. I met death and lived. 

But in this video, you say the only way I can become Enlightened, to become Awake, to ever stop all the suffering, to actually experience real Love, is to go to that exact same space on the edge and say "I surrender to death".

I...I, do not think I can do that. Knowing what it felt like to die, I don't think I can willfully do that to myself. 

Now here's my real fear, knowing that I can't willfully kill myself, I might spend the rest of my life knowing that this is the only thing there is to do with my life. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not sex, not women, not pleasure, not purpose, not companionship, not even love, or even the basic joy of being alive, absolutely nothing is going to satisfy me or bring me any kind of real happiness. Only being Awake / Enlightened / Truth / being God, will I ever experience peace. Knowing that this is possible, and never trying, will drive me mad. Always knowing its there and possible, but I'm too chicken to try, the rest of my life will be fucked. If I try and fail for decades, wasting my life, my life is fucked. If I can't summon the will to actually kill myself (which I know I can't do), then the rest of my life is fucked. I won't be able to forget this, or let it go of this, if I know that there is a chance that all the suffering can actually go away. I just don't know what to do, if I can't do what you're saying I have to do in this video. 

Sorry for all the reading to do, I tried to make this as succinct as possible. And thank you for any answers or insights. 

[Robert]

1 hour ago, Jed Vassallo said:

*note* I'm really asking Leo here and hope he has the time to answer. I'm not looking for every Joe blo's opinion from their beliefs. I'm not interested in opinions. If you really think you can answer these questions, from actual experience, and not coming from a place of feeding your Ego's importance, then yes please, I'd love to hear your wisdom. 

No, you're not asking Leo. If you were, you'd be speaking to him over PM. Leo can't give everyone all the answers, which is why he started this forum. Be more open-minded.

Anyway...

1 hour ago, Jed Vassallo said:

In the video, you talk abut it taking the will to give up literally everything, including the will to live, to become Enlightened / Awake. You have to 100% commit and surrender to dying. Not 99%, but 100% giving up your life totally and completely. The will to pull the trigger, but 1000 times worse, as your killing yourself over years or decades. Watching everything in your life, everything you love, all slowly die off piece by piece. Sounds like the worst misery. But, you're saying this is the only way to actually wake up. The Only way out of the suffering. The only way to ever actually feel true love for anything.

But here's the problem I have. I've already died. I've stopped breathing, turned grey, lips blue, and felt the numbness and darkness envelope me. Felt my life fade away into nothingness. I got to the very very edge of forever death. And in that moment, on that edge, I said 'No, no I will not go now! I will fight with my very last bit of will to not go over that edge. I had more will than I ever have in my life to stay alive. And I did. I met death and lived. 

But in this video, you say the only way I can become Enlightened, to become Awake, to ever stop all the suffering, to actually experience real Love, is to go to that exact same space on the edge and say "I surrender to death".

I...I, do not think I can do that. Knowing what it felt like to die, I don't think I can willfully do that to myself. 

Now here's my real fear, knowing that I can't willfully kill myself, I might spend the rest of my life knowing that this is the only thing there is to do with my life. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not sex, not women, not pleasure, not purpose, not companionship, not even love, or even the basic joy of being alive, absolutely nothing is going to satisfy me or bring me any kind of real happiness. Only being Awake / Enlightened / Truth / being God, will I ever experience peace. Knowing that this is possible, and never trying, will drive me mad. Always knowing its there and possible, but I'm too chicken to try, the rest of my life will be fucked. If I try and fail for decades, wasting my life, my life is fucked. If I can't summon the will to actually kill myself (which I know I can't do), then the rest of my life is fucked. I won't be able to forget this, or let it go of this, if I know that there is a chance that all the suffering can actually go away. I just don't know what to do, if I can't do what you're saying I have to do in this video. 

Sorry for all the reading to do, I tried to make this as succinct as possible. And thank you for any answers or insights. 

Yes, I get what you're saying. If you just look at human history, it becomes apparent that 99.9% of people die unenlightened. Why do you think this is? You must ask yourself some SERIOUS questions to find out.

What is the nature of the ego and where did it come from? What is consciousness? What is the difference between good and evil? What is physical? What is non-physical? What is a truely peaceful universe? What is happiness? What even is spiritual enlightenment?

Those are all questions that you can only find the answers to through serious contemplation. No one, not even Leo, can just give you the answers on a silver platter. We all wish it was that easy, but it's not. Life just isn't like that, I'm sorry.

But I'll give you a little hint for the question it looks like you're asking. How do you become enlightened and stay that way? How do you overcome the fear? Maybe by ceasing to see other people as separate from you. Maybe by giving up yourself completely for life itself. Maybe by ceasing to see meditation as something you do and instead seeing it as something you ARE. Maybe by discovering the value of relationships based on high consciousness values. Maybe by going out and achieving a NOBLE life purpose. Maybe by setting an example and living to serve God. Maybe by contributing to the world instead of trying to leech from the world. Maybe by completing a true hero's journey instead of sitting on your butt all day and being a villain. Maybe by FOLLOWING YOUR HEART FOR ONCE. ? 

So my advice? Contemplate deeply and seriously and you will find the answers. Everyone has a heart, so everyone can find the answers. Stop looking for someone to give you an easy answer and instead go on an adventure to find Truth yourself. Good luck, wish you the best!